Affection is Not Bad

The mirror.co.uk ran an advice column in which someone asked Coleen...

My boyfriend and his 23-year-old daughter are making me feel uncomfortable when they are together.

Now, last I checked, having a boyfriend was completely voluntary in the UK. Someone who is unhappy with how her or his boyfriend interacts with their family is free to not have that person as a boyfriend anymore. Think about it. This man's daughter is not going to disappear. 

If she comes over she rubs against him like I imagine she might do with a boyfriend.

If we watch TV, she sits so close to him and plays with his hair.

And if she walks by him he’ll sometimes slap her bum and she does the same to him.

Is this normal?

It really doesn't matter. Think about it. Let's say that there was some clear, definite authority that decreed this NOT NORMAL. What then? The letter-writer then goes to her boyfriend and says, "That isn't normal." The boyfriend then either says, "Uh, nice knowin' ya! See ya!" (Actually, they probably don't talk that way there, but you know what I mean.) Or, the boyfriend and his daughter keep doing it, just not around the uptight girlfriend.

Here's the response to the letter...

For them, yes it is normal.

They obviously have a close relationship and his daughter has grown up without any inhibitions about showing affection physically.

If you haven’t been brought up in that way, though, I can ­understand why you find it odd.

I have a 23-year-old son, but to me he may as well still be 10 years old!

We still hug and if I’m sitting on the sofa watching telly with my younger son, we’ll snuggle up and sometimes he’ll play with my hair, even at 23!

They’re still my babies and always will be, and I’m sure that’s how your boyfriend feels about his daughter.

Maybe.

He loves her unconditionally and that can be threatening and even provoke a bit of jealousy.

If you’re feeling shut out, talk to your boyfriend about it instead of allowing those feelings to build and cause resentment.

That's a good answer.

No level of affection between consenting adults is inappropriate in their own home as they aren't violating existing agreements with others. Mutual, consensual affection should not be discouraged by others. People, in general, could benefit from more affection."item"'>

The mirror.co.uk ran an advice column in which someone asked Coleen...

My boyfriend and his 23-year-old daughter are making me feel uncomfortable when they are together.

Now, last I checked, having a boyfriend was completely voluntary in the UK. Someone who is unhappy with how her or his boyfriend interacts with their family is free to not have that person as a boyfriend anymore. Think about it. This man's daughter is not going to disappear. 

If she comes over she rubs against him like I imagine she might do with a boyfriend.

If we watch TV, she sits so close to him and plays with his hair.

And if she walks by him he’ll sometimes slap her bum and she does the same to him.

Is this normal?

It really doesn't matter. Think about it. Let's say that there was some clear, definite authority that decreed this NOT NORMAL. What then? The letter-writer then goes to her boyfriend and says, "That isn't normal." The boyfriend then either says, "Uh, nice knowin' ya! See ya!" (Actually, they probably don't talk that way there, but you know what I mean.) Or, the boyfriend and his daughter keep doing it, just not around the uptight girlfriend.

Here's the response to the letter...

For them, yes it is normal.

They obviously have a close relationship and his daughter has grown up without any inhibitions about showing affection physically.

If you haven’t been brought up in that way, though, I can ­understand why you find it odd.

I have a 23-year-old son, but to me he may as well still be 10 years old!

We still hug and if I’m sitting on the sofa watching telly with my younger son, we’ll snuggle up and sometimes he’ll play with my hair, even at 23!

They’re still my babies and always will be, and I’m sure that’s how your boyfriend feels about his daughter.

Maybe.

He loves her unconditionally and that can be threatening and even provoke a bit of jealousy.

If you’re feeling shut out, talk to your boyfriend about it instead of allowing those feelings to build and cause resentment.

That's a good answer.

No level of affection between consenting adults is inappropriate in their own home as they aren't violating existing agreements with others. Mutual, consensual affection should not be discouraged by others. People, in general, could benefit from more affection.

Posted in: boundaries,consanguineous,father-daughter