Showing posts with label New Zealand. Show all posts
Showing posts with label New Zealand. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Ally for Equality in New Zealand

Adam Bennett reports at nzherald.com about a political party's leader speaking up for equality.

New Act Leader Jamie Whyte is standing by his comments that incestuous relationships between consenting adults should not be illegal and says it would be "intellectually corrupt" of him not to be honest when asked such questions. 
In an article published on The Ruminator website, former philosophy lecturer Dr Whyte was asked whether the state should intervene if adult siblings wanted to marry each other.
Good for him.
Dr Whyte told the Herald his response was based on his belief that: "I don't think the state should intervene in consensual adult sex or marriage, but there are two very important elements here - consensual and adult".
We need more people to speak up for full marriage equality.

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Polyamory Saved This Marriage

Rebecca Golden gives a glimpse at stuff.co.nz into her polyamorous relationship with a married man.

Apart from his wife, I'm the only woman Mick's ever been with.


Apart from his wife, I'm the only woman Mick's ever been with. They started dating at 18, and have been together nearly 15 years. They arrived at polyamory because she didn't want to have the kind of sex he liked, and vice versa. Despite this difference of opinion, they shared too much - and needed one another too much - to simply divorce. They had a child together and a life that worked. Both read the book The Ethical Slut and decided that including other loves would help their marriage rather than harm it.
There are many reasons and many ways polyamory might be right for a couple. As you can see, in this case, it was because while they were meeting each others' needs in many ways, they weren't meeting their sexual needs, and so having a polyamorous relationship has been the solution. Others are polyamorous as part of who they are, and part of their sexual compatibility includes nonmonogamy. Isn't it better that this marriage became polyamorous instead of having frustration fester into divorce?





Part of our arrangement requires some suspension of disbelief. While I know that we probably won't stay together forever, I find it hard to imagine my life without him. We navigate this boundary through a heady mix of affection, humour and some denial. Denial comes in handy. It lets me enjoy our time together - a day, a weekend, a few hours - without sadness or worry or doubt.

That's not denial. That's acceptance... of that she enjoys what they have together now, whether or not it will last.


I enjoy [Mick's wife] Bex. She has a unique energy and vulnerability. She and Mick have Connor, the three-year-old with whom I've spent a lot of time. Connor has wildly curly hair that falls down his back in a loose tumble. When he sees me on Skype, he shouts "Beeka, Beeka" and asks where are my kitties. We swim together in the summer. When we spend time at Mick's house, I have my laptop open to some YouTube video or another. We listen to Paul Simon, and I sing along to 'Loves me Like a Rock' for him. 
Polyamorous people are everywhere. We're your classmates, your coworkers, your neighbors, and maybe your family members.

New Zealand, like so many other countries, has made progress but needs to keep evolving towards full marriage equality, which would allow the writer to marry Mick if she wanted.

Polyamory Saved This Marriage

Rebecca Golden gives a glimpse at stuff.co.nz into her polyamorous relationship with a married man.

Apart from his wife, I'm the only woman Mick's ever been with.


Apart from his wife, I'm the only woman Mick's ever been with. They started dating at 18, and have been together nearly 15 years. They arrived at polyamory because she didn't want to have the kind of sex he liked, and vice versa. Despite this difference of opinion, they shared too much - and needed one another too much - to simply divorce. They had a child together and a life that worked. Both read the book The Ethical Slut and decided that including other loves would help their marriage rather than harm it.
There are many reasons and many ways polyamory might be right for a couple. As you can see, in this case, it was because while they were meeting each others' needs in many ways, they weren't meeting their sexual needs, and so having a polyamorous relationship has been the solution. Others are polyamorous as part of who they are, and part of their sexual compatibility includes nonmonogamy. Isn't it better that this marriage became polyamorous instead of having frustration fester into divorce?





Part of our arrangement requires some suspension of disbelief. While I know that we probably won't stay together forever, I find it hard to imagine my life without him. We navigate this boundary through a heady mix of affection, humour and some denial. Denial comes in handy. It lets me enjoy our time together - a day, a weekend, a few hours - without sadness or worry or doubt.

That's not denial. That's acceptance... of that she enjoys what they have together now, whether or not it will last.


I enjoy [Mick's wife] Bex. She has a unique energy and vulnerability. She and Mick have Connor, the three-year-old with whom I've spent a lot of time. Connor has wildly curly hair that falls down his back in a loose tumble. When he sees me on Skype, he shouts "Beeka, Beeka" and asks where are my kitties. We swim together in the summer. When we spend time at Mick's house, I have my laptop open to some YouTube video or another. We listen to Paul Simon, and I sing along to 'Loves me Like a Rock' for him. 
Polyamorous people are everywhere. We're your classmates, your coworkers, your neighbors, and maybe your family members.

New Zealand, like so many other countries, has made progress but needs to keep evolving towards full marriage equality, which would allow the writer to marry Mick if she wanted.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Group Calls on New Zealand to Keep Evolving

New Zealand just adopted the limited same-gender freedom to marry, but as this article at stuff.co.nz by Kristy McMurray shows, there's more progress to be made.
A group is calling for the Government to consider legalising multi-partner marriages.

The group set up a Facebook page just before the Marriage Amendment Bill passed through Parliament last week, legalising gay marriage.

A statement on the page described multi-partner - or polyamorous - marriage as "responsible, adult, committed non-monogamy," and said all committed loving relationships between adults regardless of number should be respected and given legal acknowledgement.
I wasn't able to find the group. Usually, I'm pretty good at that. However, people could ask to join the Facebook group I Support Full Marriage Equality.

There is no good reason to deny that we must keep evolving until an adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, monogamy or polyamory, race, or religion is free to marry any and all consenting adults. The limited same-gender freedom to marry is a great and historic step, but is NOT full marriage equality, because equality "just for some" is not equality. Let's stand up for EVERY ADULT'S right to marry the person(s) they love. Get on the right side of history!



Group Calls on New Zealand to Keep Evolving

New Zealand just adopted the limited same-gender freedom to marry, but as this article at stuff.co.nz by Kristy McMurray shows, there's more progress to be made.
A group is calling for the Government to consider legalising multi-partner marriages.

The group set up a Facebook page just before the Marriage Amendment Bill passed through Parliament last week, legalising gay marriage.

A statement on the page described multi-partner - or polyamorous - marriage as "responsible, adult, committed non-monogamy," and said all committed loving relationships between adults regardless of number should be respected and given legal acknowledgement.
I wasn't able to find the group. Usually, I'm pretty good at that. However, people could ask to join the Facebook group I Support Full Marriage Equality.

There is no good reason to deny that we must keep evolving until an adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, monogamy or polyamory, race, or religion is free to marry any and all consenting adults. The limited same-gender freedom to marry is a great and historic step, but is NOT full marriage equality, because equality "just for some" is not equality. Let's stand up for EVERY ADULT'S right to marry the person(s) they love. Get on the right side of history!



Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Good for New Zealand! Keep Evolving

New Zealand has adopted the limited same-gender freedom to marry, and congratulations to our monogamist LGBT friends who will finally be free to marry in New Zealand. We want to see New Zealand continue to progress to full marriage equality, so that an adult is free to marry any and all consenting adults.

Are you paying attention, US Supreme Court? Don’t let the US fall further behind. Make a bold statement for the rights of all adults.

Good for New Zealand! Keep Evolving

New Zealand has adopted the limited same-gender freedom to marry, and congratulations to our monogamist LGBT friends who will finally be free to marry in New Zealand. We want to see New Zealand continue to progress to full marriage equality, so that an adult is free to marry any and all consenting adults.

Are you paying attention, US Supreme Court? Don’t let the US fall further behind. Make a bold statement for the rights of all adults.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

New Zealand Should Keep Moving Towards Marriage Equality

New Zealand is almost guaranteed to be adopting the limited same-gender freedom to marry, and congratulations to our monogamist LGBT friends who will finally be free to marry in New Zealand. We want to see New Zealand continue to progress to full marriage equality, so that an adult is free to marry any and all consenting adults.

Here is what Nick Perry wrote for the Associated Press
New Zealand lawmakers voted overwhelmingly in favor of a bill allowing same-sex marriage Wednesday, all but assuring that it will soon become law.

Lawmakers supported the bill 77 to 44 in the second of three votes needed for a bill to be approved. The second vote is typically the most crucial one. The third and final vote is likely to be little more than a formality and could be taken as early as next month.
Are you paying attention, US Supreme Court? Don’t let the US fall further behind. Make a bold statement for the rights of all adults.

New Zealand Should Keep Moving Towards Marriage Equality

New Zealand is almost guaranteed to be adopting the limited same-gender freedom to marry, and congratulations to our monogamist LGBT friends who will finally be free to marry in New Zealand. We want to see New Zealand continue to progress to full marriage equality, so that an adult is free to marry any and all consenting adults.

Here is what Nick Perry wrote for the Associated Press
New Zealand lawmakers voted overwhelmingly in favor of a bill allowing same-sex marriage Wednesday, all but assuring that it will soon become law.

Lawmakers supported the bill 77 to 44 in the second of three votes needed for a bill to be approved. The second vote is typically the most crucial one. The third and final vote is likely to be little more than a formality and could be taken as early as next month.
Are you paying attention, US Supreme Court? Don’t let the US fall further behind. Make a bold statement for the rights of all adults.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Update on New Zealand Mother-Son GSA Case

I believe this is an update on a case in New Zealand I blogged about earlier in the year. Ian Steward reports at stuff.co.nz that a man convicted of raping his genetic mother even though the jury believed all events for which he was on trial involved consensual sex had his appeal dismissed. It appears to be a Genetic Sexual Attraction situation where, depending on who you believe, the son became increasingly violent and controlling.
The 29-year-old man, who was adopted as a baby, was sentenced to five years and nine months prison after being convicted of assaulting and raping his biological mother.

The offence occurred some months after he tracked her down to ask questions about his parentage last year.

Rather than multiple rapes, he was convicted of nine counts of incest after the jury found the sexual relationship they embarked on was consensual to begin with.

The man, who has name suppression, was found guilty of one representative count of rape later in their relationship.

The man's defence appealed his conviction on the "inconsistency" of him being found guilty on a non-specified representative count but not guilty on each of the specified ones.

The Court of Appeal rejected the argument and said it was open to the jury to accept that there was "an escalating pattern of violence" in their relationship.

The whole article is worth a read. One things is for sure: this was a sad situation.

It is obvious to anyone who pays attention to human relationships that people can be consensual lovers and be all wrong for each other, regardless of their genetic or familial connection or lack thereof. Sometimes, people are attracted to other people who are wrong for them, or who are abusive in general. Every adult should protect herself or himself from abusive or toxic people. It is easier for people to do that when consensual relationships (including those that are consanguineous or polyamorous) are not criminalized and stigmatized.

Update on New Zealand Mother-Son GSA Case

I believe this is an update on a case in New Zealand I blogged about earlier in the year. Ian Steward reports at stuff.co.nz that a man convicted of raping his genetic mother even though the jury believed all events for which he was on trial involved consensual sex had his appeal dismissed. It appears to be a Genetic Sexual Attraction situation where, depending on who you believe, the son became increasingly violent and controlling.
The 29-year-old man, who was adopted as a baby, was sentenced to five years and nine months prison after being convicted of assaulting and raping his biological mother.

The offence occurred some months after he tracked her down to ask questions about his parentage last year.

Rather than multiple rapes, he was convicted of nine counts of incest after the jury found the sexual relationship they embarked on was consensual to begin with.

The man, who has name suppression, was found guilty of one representative count of rape later in their relationship.

The man's defence appealed his conviction on the "inconsistency" of him being found guilty on a non-specified representative count but not guilty on each of the specified ones.

The Court of Appeal rejected the argument and said it was open to the jury to accept that there was "an escalating pattern of violence" in their relationship.

The whole article is worth a read. One things is for sure: this was a sad situation.

It is obvious to anyone who pays attention to human relationships that people can be consensual lovers and be all wrong for each other, regardless of their genetic or familial connection or lack thereof. Sometimes, people are attracted to other people who are wrong for them, or who are abusive in general. Every adult should protect herself or himself from abusive or toxic people. It is easier for people to do that when consensual relationships (including those that are consanguineous or polyamorous) are not criminalized and stigmatized.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Still No Good Reason to Criminalize Consanguinamory


Consanguinamory (consensual incest) has been a topic of discussion in New Zealand media lately. At canta.co.nz, the Official Magazine of the University of Canterbury Students' Association, there was a written "pro" and "con." On the side of decriminalizing consanguinamory was Tim Bain...
Let's start with choice. Relationships are about the worst possible place for the government to get involved. Governments are terrible at knowing what makes people happy and what they need in terms of their sex life. It's a pretty basic tenet of our society that unless we're hurting someone else, or hurting ourselves badly, we should be able to do what we like.

Incest falls into this category. 
Yes!



The argument then effectively tackles Discredited Arguments #1, 18, & 20. Then...
The last thing, and maybe most important thing to note is that whatever harms you think come from incest are made ten times worse when it's illegal. Let's look at the worst cases of incest – your Josef Fritzls, basically. These are the kinds of horrible, harmful incidents that happen whether or not incest is legal; where there's no consent, the abusers aren't all that worried about whether their actions are legal or not. When you make incest illegal, you create stigma, meaning people who are actually victims are less likely to come forward for help. You make it impossible for them to talk to their families or friends. You cut them off entirely from society, with the threat of prosecution locking them into abusive relationships.

In the end, incestuous relationships aren't perfect. And yes, some of them turn out badly. The problem is, criminalisation doesn't stop the worst offenses, but at the same time prevents people in healthy relationships with people they're related to from finding happiness. Sure, it's not right for me, and it's probably not right for you. But that doesn't mean it can't be what's right for someone else.
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you Tim Bain!

Holly McSweeney had the difficult task of trying to defend continuing bigotry...
The link between incest and the exploitation of the vulnerable is undeniable.
Thus, she starts off her argument equating consensual sex with rape/assault/molestation. She might as well have said the link between casual sex and rape is undeniable.
As a consequence, humans have evolved a natural aversion to the idea of mating with close relatives, which links to social taboos and laws prohibiting it.
This isn't accurate. Some people develop a natural aversion to sex with people who raised them or were raised with them, whether they are actual genetic relatives are or not, and that usually, but not always, overrides the tendency many people have to be attracted to people who look like them. This does not happen with all people in cohabitation and it doesn't apply in cases of Genetic Sexual Attraction, in which genetic relatives were not raised by each other or with each other.
Defenders of incest would suggest that this risk is very low, but this is often based on a misunderstanding or manipulation of statistics. The often-cited 1-3% risk of genetic deformities is calculated from societies that are largely out-bred, where incest is not the norm. Where a population consistently in-breeds, however, the number becomes considerably higher as across generations genetic diversity becomes less and less.

She writes that like the only thing that is keeping her from immediately getting pregnant by a close relative are the taboos and laws. Without those, she seems to think, she and everyone else would turn consanguinamorous and want to make babies. But she then conceded that Discredited Argument #18 doesn't work, so she moves on to Discredited Argument #19 and then #9.
While we see the odd news story or documentary about estranged siblings meeting as adults and finding love, the vast majority of incest cases are horrific stories of the twisted and violent exploitation of a parent to their child.
That is because there is a victim in those cases and the predators are being justly prosecuted. People in happy, spousal relationships with a close relative usually don't announce it in the media. Same goes for people who enjoyed youthful flings with siblings and all of the other people in between who have experienced consanguinamory. They keep quiet, largely because of bigots and discriminatory laws, but people who are involved or have been and are happy or at least not unhappy about it are everywhere. Ms. McSweeney no doubt knows some, who are now wincing as they read her opinion. They tend not to need counseling for their relationships, and thankfully, most of them do not get caught and prosecuted, so they are off the media radar.

Once again, we see that the excuses for continued criminalization of consanguinamory are few and flimsy. The more it is talked about, the more people will see there is no reason to discriminate against people in consensual relationships, and full marriage equality comes that much closer.

Still No Good Reason to Criminalize Consanguinamory


Consanguinamory (consensual incest) has been a topic of discussion in New Zealand media lately. At canta.co.nz, the Official Magazine of the University of Canterbury Students' Association, there was a written "pro" and "con." On the side of decriminalizing consanguinamory was Tim Bain...
Let's start with choice. Relationships are about the worst possible place for the government to get involved. Governments are terrible at knowing what makes people happy and what they need in terms of their sex life. It's a pretty basic tenet of our society that unless we're hurting someone else, or hurting ourselves badly, we should be able to do what we like.

Incest falls into this category. 
Yes!



The argument then effectively tackles Discredited Arguments #1, 18, & 20. Then...
The last thing, and maybe most important thing to note is that whatever harms you think come from incest are made ten times worse when it's illegal. Let's look at the worst cases of incest – your Josef Fritzls, basically. These are the kinds of horrible, harmful incidents that happen whether or not incest is legal; where there's no consent, the abusers aren't all that worried about whether their actions are legal or not. When you make incest illegal, you create stigma, meaning people who are actually victims are less likely to come forward for help. You make it impossible for them to talk to their families or friends. You cut them off entirely from society, with the threat of prosecution locking them into abusive relationships.

In the end, incestuous relationships aren't perfect. And yes, some of them turn out badly. The problem is, criminalisation doesn't stop the worst offenses, but at the same time prevents people in healthy relationships with people they're related to from finding happiness. Sure, it's not right for me, and it's probably not right for you. But that doesn't mean it can't be what's right for someone else.
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you Tim Bain!

Holly McSweeney had the difficult task of trying to defend continuing bigotry...
The link between incest and the exploitation of the vulnerable is undeniable.
Thus, she starts off her argument equating consensual sex with rape/assault/molestation. She might as well have said the link between casual sex and rape is undeniable.
As a consequence, humans have evolved a natural aversion to the idea of mating with close relatives, which links to social taboos and laws prohibiting it.
This isn't accurate. Some people develop a natural aversion to sex with people who raised them or were raised with them, whether they are actual genetic relatives are or not, and that usually, but not always, overrides the tendency many people have to be attracted to people who look like them. This does not happen with all people in cohabitation and it doesn't apply in cases of Genetic Sexual Attraction, in which genetic relatives were not raised by each other or with each other.
Defenders of incest would suggest that this risk is very low, but this is often based on a misunderstanding or manipulation of statistics. The often-cited 1-3% risk of genetic deformities is calculated from societies that are largely out-bred, where incest is not the norm. Where a population consistently in-breeds, however, the number becomes considerably higher as across generations genetic diversity becomes less and less.

She writes that like the only thing that is keeping her from immediately getting pregnant by a close relative are the taboos and laws. Without those, she seems to think, she and everyone else would turn consanguinamorous and want to make babies. But she then conceded that Discredited Argument #18 doesn't work, so she moves on to Discredited Argument #19 and then #9.
While we see the odd news story or documentary about estranged siblings meeting as adults and finding love, the vast majority of incest cases are horrific stories of the twisted and violent exploitation of a parent to their child.
That is because there is a victim in those cases and the predators are being justly prosecuted. People in happy, spousal relationships with a close relative usually don't announce it in the media. Same goes for people who enjoyed youthful flings with siblings and all of the other people in between who have experienced consanguinamory. They keep quiet, largely because of bigots and discriminatory laws, but people who are involved or have been and are happy or at least not unhappy about it are everywhere. Ms. McSweeney no doubt knows some, who are now wincing as they read her opinion. They tend not to need counseling for their relationships, and thankfully, most of them do not get caught and prosecuted, so they are off the media radar.

Once again, we see that the excuses for continued criminalization of consanguinamory are few and flimsy. The more it is talked about, the more people will see there is no reason to discriminate against people in consensual relationships, and full marriage equality comes that much closer.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Criminal Sentences For Consensual Sex in New Zealand

As New Zealand moves towards the limited same-gender freedom to marry, it is still criminally sentencing some adults for consensual sex. Updating this possible Genetic Sexual Attraction case I blogged about months ago, this report comes from BNO news

A father and daughter in New Zealand who say they are in love with each other have been told by a judge to end their incestuous relationship, warning that future incest could land them in prison, a local newspaper reported on Wednesday.

How ridiculous for a judge to tell adults in love with each other that they can’t even love each other the way they want.



The father, 32, and his daughter, 18, appeared in Dunedin District Court on Tuesday and admitted to having an incestuous relationship which began in August 2010 when the woman was 16 years old.

The age of consent in New Zealand is 16.

The incest continued until May this year and resulted in the couple having a baby girl which was born last year.

The article doesn’t mention that there being any problem with the child, which I’m sure is an indication that, like in most of these cases, the child is doing well.

"This must stop. These sort of relationships do not last and are fraught with difficulties," Judge Stephen O'Driscoll told the couple when they appeared in court, the Otago Daily Times newspaper reported on Wednesday.

Uh, you mean like the difficulty of having a judge enforce bigotry against you??? It is kind of hard for relationships to last when the lovers are forcibly separated as one or both are incarcerated for the “crime” of loving each other. The problem with these relationships is not that people love each other, it is people like this judge! He is the very problem he's warning them about!
The teenager told the court that she is in love with her father and that they had been living as 'husband and wife'.

And they should be allowed to! Why break up another family?

He was just 14 when she was born and he had little contact with her until she was 16, so it is possible this is a case of Genetic Sexual Attraction.

Psychiatric and psychological reports have indicated that the father and daughter are being affected by a phenomenon known as genetic sexual attraction (GSA), which sometimes occurs when close relatives first meet as adults. The best known case is of a brother and sister couple in Germany who have four children and have fought against the country's anti-incest laws.

The judge is quoted as saying…

"Everyone has choices about the relationships and sexual relationships they enter into. This relationship was wrong, and I fail to see how you can justify it."

Love does not need to be justified. It is the bigots who have failed to justify why they interfere in consensual adult relationships.

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