Will Utah Make Legislative Baby Steps?

After a federal judge did what should have been a no-brainer to everyone and slapped down Utah's criminalization of polyfidelity and polyamorous cohabitation, a state legislator is trying to make baby steps in the law, as reported by Antone Clark at standard.net...

Rep. Jerry Anderson, R-Price, said House Bill 56 was inspired by a federal judge's ruling in December striking down part of the state's law banning polygamy, following legal action brought by the stars of a TV reality series "Sister Wives." The court ruling threw out the state's section of law prohibiting cohabitation, saying it violates the constitutional guarantee of due process and religious freedom.

Not to mention freedom of association, right to privacy, etc.

His bill is only 29 lines long, and essentially changes the definition of cohabitation and then points out under existing law, bigamy is a third-degree felony.

Bigamy shouldn't be a crime unless it involves fraud. An adult should be free to marry any & all consenting adults. If someone is married and they are marrying another, that shouldn't be hidden from current spouses. Absent that sort of deception, there's no reason for polyamorists to be denied their fundamental rights.

He said the state's existing bigamy definition forces many people into the shadows. He said thousands of schoolchildren list their fathers as unknown, to avoid dealing with the implications of being in violation of the law.

He said the state's existing definition of bigamy puts police officers in a tough position.

Exactly. Criminalization of consensual adult relationships is destructive, causing many unnecessary problems.

This is a baby step. Really, any US state needs relationship rights, including full marriage equality, for all.

UPDATE: The bill is "dead" as the lawmakers sit around waiting for further court action. Sigh.

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Posted in: allies,bigamy,freedom to marry,law,politicians,polyamory,polygamy,Sister Wives,Utah

Episcopal Priest Danielle Elizabeth Tumminio is a Ally For Poly

Danielle Elizabeth Tumminio wrote at cnn.com that she is an ally for the polygamous freedom to marry, thanks to the Browns...

Before I met the Browns – made famous by the reality television show “Sister Wives” – I had the kind of reaction most modern-day Christians would have to their lifestyle: Polygamy hurts women. It offers girls a skewed perspective of who they can be. It happens on cultish compounds. It’s abusive.

Yet when the Browns' show debuted, I began to question some of those assumptions, and when I had the opportunity to meet them a few years ago, I questioned them further.

In getting to know Kody, Meri, Janelle, Christine and Robyn, and their children, I saw that these parents were extremely invested in raising girls and boys who were empowered to get an education, become independent thinkers and have a moral compass.

Go read it all, especially if you are interested in a Christian perspective.

It is good to see the Browns and "Sister Wives" making a difference.

We'll keep evolving so that an adult can share love, sex, residence, and marriage with any and all consenting adults!

Read more »

Posted in: allies,polyamory,polygamy,polygyny,religion,Sister Wives

Episcopal Priest Danielle Elizabeth Tumminio is a Ally For Poly

Danielle Elizabeth Tumminio wrote at cnn.com that she is an ally for the polygamous freedom to marry, thanks to the Browns...

Before I met the Browns – made famous by the reality television show “Sister Wives” – I had the kind of reaction most modern-day Christians would have to their lifestyle: Polygamy hurts women. It offers girls a skewed perspective of who they can be. It happens on cultish compounds. It’s abusive.

Yet when the Browns' show debuted, I began to question some of those assumptions, and when I had the opportunity to meet them a few years ago, I questioned them further.

In getting to know Kody, Meri, Janelle, Christine and Robyn, and their children, I saw that these parents were extremely invested in raising girls and boys who were empowered to get an education, become independent thinkers and have a moral compass.

Go read it all, especially if you are interested in a Christian perspective.

It is good to see the Browns and "Sister Wives" making a difference.

We'll keep evolving so that an adult can share love, sex, residence, and marriage with any and all consenting adults!

Read more »

Posted in: allies,polyamory,polygamy,polygyny,religion,Sister Wives

Polygamy Ruling Doesn't Go Far Enough

Polygamy, plural marriage, polyamory… the news and commentary media coverage has been more than plentiful since the Browns of Sister Wives won recently in a court decision that overturned an item in Utah law that was, perhaps, the most restrictive of its kind in the country.

There has been so much confusion about what actually happened.

No, unfortunately, the court did not grant the polygamous freedom to marry.

What it did was overturn what was, when you get down to it, the criminalization of a polyfidelitous form of polyamory. Under Utah law, people have been free to have a different sex partner every night, and have children with all of them. What they were prevented from doing was actually living with or considering themselves as married to more than one person at a time. So again, if one woman wanted to have sex and children with five different men, that was OK, but she was a criminal if she lived with two men and called both of them her husbands.

It was a ridiculous law, intended to attack religious minorities for their practice of what they call plural marriage, a religion-based form of polygyny. Yet how effective was it at actually stopping polygynous living, or, what is really important, preventing spousal and child abuse? It wasn’t. I argue that such laws actually help perpetuate domestic violence and child abuse by making victims and witnesses more reluctant to cooperate with law enforcement because their own consensual, non-abusive relationships are criminalized.

Anti-equality and compulsory monogamy finger-waggers have been acting like this ruling is the end of the world, no doubt using it as a fundraiser for their certified hate groups. And other people ignorant about what is really going on have regurgitated the ridiculous “polygamy is bad for women and unattractive men” warning (see Discredited Arguments #9, 15, and 16). Some monogamist gay commentators have been throwing poly folks under the bus.

But the court decision is hardly envelope-pushing. It aids long-established, fundamental rights such as the freedom of association and freedom of religion, and brings Utah a little closer to the other 49 states and most of the modern world in no longer allowing law enforcement to march into your home and say, “You can’t love and commit to more than one person! Off to jail with you!”

What I wish the ruling had done was recognize the polygamous freedom to marry (which is what some people seem to think happened.) It is nice to see that, even though there is much bigotry-spewing and there are plenty of bus sightings, there are also many allies standing up and challenging people with the simple question, “What’s wrong with letting people be with the consenting adults they love?” Although the ruling did not go far enough, it is a step in the right direction, and the civil rights march has often progressed through baby steps.

There is still much work to do, but full marriage equality will happen. We will get there. A woman, like a man, should be free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (or any of those without the others) with ANY and ALL consenting adults, without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination. If a woman wants to marry a man who is already married, that is of no ill effect to anyone else. If she wants to marry two women, that hurts nobody. Let them be! Let them marry!

Read more »

Posted in: allies,boundaries,courts,law,polyamory,polygamy,prejudice,Sister Wives,Utah

Polygamy Ruling Doesn't Go Far Enough

Polygamy, plural marriage, polyamory… the news and commentary media coverage has been more than plentiful since the Browns of Sister Wives won recently in a court decision that overturned an item in Utah law that was, perhaps, the most restrictive of its kind in the country.

There has been so much confusion about what actually happened.

No, unfortunately, the court did not grant the polygamous freedom to marry.

What it did was overturn what was, when you get down to it, the criminalization of a polyfidelitous form of polyamory. Under Utah law, people have been free to have a different sex partner every night, and have children with all of them. What they were prevented from doing was actually living with or considering themselves as married to more than one person at a time. So again, if one woman wanted to have sex and children with five different men, that was OK, but she was a criminal if she lived with two men and called both of them her husbands.

It was a ridiculous law, intended to attack religious minorities for their practice of what they call plural marriage, a religion-based form of polygyny. Yet how effective was it at actually stopping polygynous living, or, what is really important, preventing spousal and child abuse? It wasn’t. I argue that such laws actually help perpetuate domestic violence and child abuse by making victims and witnesses more reluctant to cooperate with law enforcement because their own consensual, non-abusive relationships are criminalized.

Anti-equality and compulsory monogamy finger-waggers have been acting like this ruling is the end of the world, no doubt using it as a fundraiser for their certified hate groups. And other people ignorant about what is really going on have regurgitated the ridiculous “polygamy is bad for women and unattractive men” warning (see Discredited Arguments #9, 15, and 16). Some monogamist gay commentators have been throwing poly folks under the bus.

But the court decision is hardly envelope-pushing. It aids long-established, fundamental rights such as the freedom of association and freedom of religion, and brings Utah a little closer to the other 49 states and most of the modern world in no longer allowing law enforcement to march into your home and say, “You can’t love and commit to more than one person! Off to jail with you!”

What I wish the ruling had done was recognize the polygamous freedom to marry (which is what some people seem to think happened.) It is nice to see that, even though there is much bigotry-spewing and there are plenty of bus sightings, there are also many allies standing up and challenging people with the simple question, “What’s wrong with letting people be with the consenting adults they love?” Although the ruling did not go far enough, it is a step in the right direction, and the civil rights march has often progressed through baby steps.

There is still much work to do, but full marriage equality will happen. We will get there. A woman, like a man, should be free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (or any of those without the others) with ANY and ALL consenting adults, without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination. If a woman wants to marry a man who is already married, that is of no ill effect to anyone else. If she wants to marry two women, that hurts nobody. Let them be! Let them marry!

Read more »

Posted in: allies,boundaries,courts,law,polyamory,polygamy,prejudice,Sister Wives,Utah

Polygamy Gains Ground in Utah Federal Court Ruling

Kody Brown & his 4 Sister Wives

By:  Timothy P. Flynn

Kody Brown, star of the reality-television series Sister Wives, has another reason to go to the bank beside his popular television show.  Late Friday afternoon, a federal judge struck a portion of Utah's 1973 anti-polygamy law in the Browns' federal law suit against the State of Utah.

Judge Clark Waddoups released a 90-page decision in the case; a virtual tour de force of the law of privacy, the First Amendment, marital law and polygamy within the Mormon Church in Utah.  In striking down the Utah law, Judge Waddoups emphasized the Browns' right to privacy in the context of his First Amendment right to the free exercise of religion.

Interestingly, Brown is not a Mormon but a member of a religious sect that believes in "religious cohabitation".

The decision cites to a series of landmark SCOTUS decisions on marital law, starting with Reynolds vs United States, which outlawed polygamy in the US back in 1879.  Judge Waddoups' rationale relied heavily on Lawrence vs Texas, the 2003 case that struck anti-sodomy laws as unconstitutional, and Griswold vs Connecticut, the seminal case for the right to privacy in the boudoir for consenting adults.

Notably absent from the Court's analysis was any citation to the United States vs Windsor same-sex marriage decision.  The Windsor Court's focus was on equal protection and federal benefits; Judge Waddoups, on the other hand, focused on substantive due process and the right to privacy under the First Amendment.

Both cases evidence a willingness on the part of the federal judiciary to re-examine the constitutionality of once prohibited relationships, particularly in the context of the marriage contract.

The Browns' lawyer, George Washington University Law Professor Jonathan Turley, declared on his web site that the ruling was a major constitutional breakthrough in the protection of individual rights.  Professor Turley told the NYT that the ruling was more about privacy rights than polygamy, opining that polygamists and gay couples have a common interest: "the right to be left alone as consenting adults."

If Utah appeals, the case could get some legs and wind up on the SCOTUS docket in a few terms.  We here at the Law Blogger will keep on eye on this interesting case as the definition of "marriage" continues to evolve.

Post Script:  Here is a link to the National Law Journal's interview with the Browns' lawyer.  To dig deeper, here is the SCOTUSBlog post on this ruling.

www.clarkstonlegal.com
info@clarkstonlegal.com

Read more »

Posted in: Jonathan Turley,Kody Brown,polygamy,religious cohabitation,Sister Wives,United States v Windsor

TLC to Showcase Another Polygynous Family

TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT. I'm happy TLC is doing this, and I hope they feature other forms of polygamy and polyamory in the future. In the minds of a lot of people, if it isn't monogamy, it's polygyny, but that's not reality. Scott D. Pierce reports at sltrib.com...

"My Five Wives," featuring Brady Williams, his wives Paulie, Robyn, Rosemary, Nonie, Rhonda and their 24 children, debuts Sunday, Sept. 15, on TLC. It's essentially a pilot for a possible series.

I hope it is good, giving another positive look at ethical nonmonogamy, and that it catches on with viewers.

The Williams are described as a "big, loving, progressive polygamous family ... who all live together on their large family property outside Salt Lake City."

These aren't your average polygamists, however. Brady is an ex-Mormon, but this group isn't particularly religious, we're led to believe.

"Believing in equality for everyone and a God who loves and accepts all, the Williams family emphasize that their choice to be together is more about their mutual love and commitment than it is about religion," according to TLC. "Though their beliefs and their decision to leave their church have led them to be shunned by their community and estranged from many family members, the Williams believe their sacrifices are worth it."

Do they really support full marriage equality? That would be sweet.

If you read the story, these are not fleeting made-for-TV relationships, but ones that have endured many years. There's no good reason why they shouldn't be free to be together and to marry.

What do you think? Will you watch?

Read more »

Posted in: love,media,polygamy,polygyny,religion,Sister Wives

TLC to Showcase Another Polygynous Family

TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT. I'm happy TLC is doing this, and I hope they feature other forms of polygamy and polyamory in the future. In the minds of a lot of people, if it isn't monogamy, it's polygyny, but that's not reality. Scott D. Pierce reports at sltrib.com...

"My Five Wives," featuring Brady Williams, his wives Paulie, Robyn, Rosemary, Nonie, Rhonda and their 24 children, debuts Sunday, Sept. 15, on TLC. It's essentially a pilot for a possible series.

I hope it is good, giving another positive look at ethical nonmonogamy, and that it catches on with viewers.

The Williams are described as a "big, loving, progressive polygamous family ... who all live together on their large family property outside Salt Lake City."

These aren't your average polygamists, however. Brady is an ex-Mormon, but this group isn't particularly religious, we're led to believe.

"Believing in equality for everyone and a God who loves and accepts all, the Williams family emphasize that their choice to be together is more about their mutual love and commitment than it is about religion," according to TLC. "Though their beliefs and their decision to leave their church have led them to be shunned by their community and estranged from many family members, the Williams believe their sacrifices are worth it."

Do they really support full marriage equality? That would be sweet.

If you read the story, these are not fleeting made-for-TV relationships, but ones that have endured many years. There's no good reason why they shouldn't be free to be together and to marry.

What do you think? Will you watch?

Read more »

Posted in: love,media,polygamy,polygyny,religion,Sister Wives

New Episodes of Sister Wives

"Sister Wives," the TLC show featuring the polygynous Browns, is back. Are you watching? Here's an article from Ree Hines at today.com...

Kyle Christy / TLC

The Brown family, from left, Christine, Meri, Janelle, Robyn and Kody. 

Even though Kody Brown and his four wives — Meri, Janelle, Christine and Robyn — have been open about how they live their lives for some time now, there are still those who have big problems with the polygamous family and aren't shy about saying so.

Some people are rude.

While the Brown family practices a very different sort of polygamy than that seen in Jeffs' church, it's a difference that's lost on some.

Some people are ignorant.

"I just feel like we live in a world of diversity, and we've chosen how to structure our family," Kody explained. "And we are not pushing it on other people. We don’t even push it on our children."

It's a live-and-let-live attitude he'd like to see from others.

That would be nice to have sooner rather than later. Let's make it happen!

Here's what was printed at radaronline.com...

A major theme this season for the Sister Wives is the decision that Meri must make about whether or not she wants to have another child with Kody, via IVF or using Robyn as a surrogate.

I think anything that puts a real face on consensual nonmonogamy is a good thing. We need more productions that depict the diversity withing polyamory and polygamy.


Okay, dear readers, what is your take? Are you watching?

Read more »

Posted in: coming out,love,media,Nevada,polyamory,polygamy,polygyny,pregnancy,prejudice,Sister Wives,solidarity

New Episodes of Sister Wives

"Sister Wives," the TLC show featuring the polygynous Browns, is back. Are you watching? Here's an article from Ree Hines at today.com...

Kyle Christy / TLC

The Brown family, from left, Christine, Meri, Janelle, Robyn and Kody. 

Even though Kody Brown and his four wives — Meri, Janelle, Christine and Robyn — have been open about how they live their lives for some time now, there are still those who have big problems with the polygamous family and aren't shy about saying so.

Some people are rude.

While the Brown family practices a very different sort of polygamy than that seen in Jeffs' church, it's a difference that's lost on some.

Some people are ignorant.

"I just feel like we live in a world of diversity, and we've chosen how to structure our family," Kody explained. "And we are not pushing it on other people. We don’t even push it on our children."

It's a live-and-let-live attitude he'd like to see from others.

That would be nice to have sooner rather than later. Let's make it happen!

Here's what was printed at radaronline.com...

A major theme this season for the Sister Wives is the decision that Meri must make about whether or not she wants to have another child with Kody, via IVF or using Robyn as a surrogate.

I think anything that puts a real face on consensual nonmonogamy is a good thing. We need more productions that depict the diversity withing polyamory and polygamy.


Okay, dear readers, what is your take? Are you watching?

Read more »

Posted in: coming out,love,media,Nevada,polyamory,polygamy,polygyny,pregnancy,prejudice,Sister Wives,solidarity

Support Freedom, Fight Abuse

Andreea Nica has a piece at huffingtonpost.com under the headline of "Relationships: It's a Matter of Choice." This is the start...

Any relationship construct has the ability to create an oppressive environment. Whether the construct identifies as monogamous, polyamorous, polygamous, polyandrous or any other relational form, abuse can exist within each and every one of these relationships.

Yes. Thank you! Much of the piece discusses isolated, patriarchal polygyny-only communities with abusive leaders.

As shown on Sister Wives, the four teens residing at Holding out Help met up with the Brown Family to witness a better example of a polygamist family. By the end of their visit, the teens who escaped their abusive situations, found the Brown family to be a healthier and more positive family unit than their own. Despite their approval of the Brown family, all of the teens still stated they wouldn't be part of a polygamous construct again.

That is their choice to make. There are many people who say they do not want to get married at all, having grown up in situations where they saw marriage as part of the problem.

This poses the question: Should the public accept the faith and choice of a relational dynamic if mental, relational, and personal health is compromised? As a proponent of the freedom to choose alternative forms of relationship, the expectation is that all parties involved find liberation through addressing fundamental matters around equality and agency; free from oppressive religious and ideological systems.

The issue, it seems to me, is domestic abuse, including child abuse.

Some women are going to freely choose polygyny, and they should be free to do so, as long as there are domestic violence protections under the law, and as long as those women legitimately have the freedom to NOT marry at all, to divorce, or to marry a woman, or two men, etc.

Polyamory in its various forms, including the various forms of polygamy, has always been around and it is not going away. It is coming out of the closet and will not be going back in. We must move forward to full marriage equality and relationship rights for all adults. Abuse will be easier to stop if we do not criminalize consensual relationships.

Read more »

Posted in: children,freedom to marry,media,polyamory,polygamy,polygyny,Sister Wives,stigma

Support Freedom, Fight Abuse

Andreea Nica has a piece at huffingtonpost.com under the headline of "Relationships: It's a Matter of Choice." This is the start...

Any relationship construct has the ability to create an oppressive environment. Whether the construct identifies as monogamous, polyamorous, polygamous, polyandrous or any other relational form, abuse can exist within each and every one of these relationships.

Yes. Thank you! Much of the piece discusses isolated, patriarchal polygyny-only communities with abusive leaders.

As shown on Sister Wives, the four teens residing at Holding out Help met up with the Brown Family to witness a better example of a polygamist family. By the end of their visit, the teens who escaped their abusive situations, found the Brown family to be a healthier and more positive family unit than their own. Despite their approval of the Brown family, all of the teens still stated they wouldn't be part of a polygamous construct again.

That is their choice to make. There are many people who say they do not want to get married at all, having grown up in situations where they saw marriage as part of the problem.

This poses the question: Should the public accept the faith and choice of a relational dynamic if mental, relational, and personal health is compromised? As a proponent of the freedom to choose alternative forms of relationship, the expectation is that all parties involved find liberation through addressing fundamental matters around equality and agency; free from oppressive religious and ideological systems.

The issue, it seems to me, is domestic abuse, including child abuse.

Some women are going to freely choose polygyny, and they should be free to do so, as long as there are domestic violence protections under the law, and as long as those women legitimately have the freedom to NOT marry at all, to divorce, or to marry a woman, or two men, etc.

Polyamory in its various forms, including the various forms of polygamy, has always been around and it is not going away. It is coming out of the closet and will not be going back in. We must move forward to full marriage equality and relationship rights for all adults. Abuse will be easier to stop if we do not criminalize consensual relationships.

Read more »

Posted in: children,freedom to marry,media,polyamory,polygamy,polygyny,Sister Wives,stigma

Bigots Claim to Know Happy Home is Unhappy

Insulting as it may be, there are people who claim to know that the homes other people have made for themselves can't possibly be happy ones, no matter what the people in those homes say. Khusbu Bhakta reports at unlvrebelyell.com on an appearance by the Browns of "Sister Wives." The television personalities returned to UNLV to possibly open more minds.

Kody Brown from Sister Wives explaining his role in the show at the Marjorie Barrick Museum Auditorium on Thursday, April 25, 2013. PHOTOS BY PAULINA ZENG/THE REBEL YELL

“The great thing about [polygamy] is that it was our choice,” said patriarch Kody Brown. He held his position during the panel in the center of his four wives — Meri, Janelle, Christine and Robyn. Each time he spoke they looked at him in admiration.

The women were dressed in contemporary attire — high heels, black skirts and slacks and brightly colored tops. Their hair was blown out, their faces made-up and no bonnet in sight.

There are many flavors of polygamy and even more of polyamory.

A member of the crowd stood up and asked if the women were looking to Kody Brown for permission before they spoke.

Meri Brown heatedly grabbed the microphone and said she looks at her husband because she loves him and when she wants to speak she will. The audience applauded.

Women can and do freely choose to enter into polygynous relationships.

Christine Brown’s aunt, Kollene Star, Kristen Decker and Willie Steed sat opposite the Kody Brown family, all three from polygamous backgrounds which they had abandoned.

“I didn’t want to share my husband,” Decker said.

Raised in a polygamous family herself, she felt she had to stay in her own marriage because of her religion.

“I was told that if I didn’t support my husband in plural marriage, then I wouldn’t be able to see my children in heaven,” Decker said.

If that shows a problem with something, it is of a problem of a particular religion, not the polygamous freedom to marry. There are people of different faiths or no religion at all who are in polyamorous relationships.

Willie Steed is the son of Warren Jeffs, former president of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints who was convicted of two felony counts of child sexual assault in 2011. Steed broke away from polygamy because he felt like he wasn’t growing in life.

Notice that he, and others, left. Good for them, if that is what they wanted to do. Let other people do what they want to do.

He knew he had to leave from under Warren Jeffs’ lifestyle. Steed believes polygamy is wrong and is designed only to fulfill the selfish needs of the patriarch.

I wonder what he has to say about polyandry, three or more women getting married, three or more men getting marriage, or an even number of men and women forming a polygamous relationship?

[Moderator William] Jankowiak has studied polygamous families for over 25 years and says most are dysfunctional. But the Browns, he said, are the exception to the rule. They communicate their difficulties and make sure the children are being raised in a genuine and loving household. They chose this lifestyle and openly display it, unlike most polygamous families.

With relationship rights for all adults, including full marriage equality, the problems inherent in having to hide relationships would go away, making things better for everyone. Bigotry hurts.

Originally from Utah, they relocated because of prejudice. Meri Brown lost her job when they came out as polygamists, Kody Brown received threats from coworkers, and the entire family is currently under investigation for bigamy.

People waste time trying to harm people for loving each other and sharing their lives. What a shame.

“Our children are free to make any decision they want when it comes to marriage,” Janelle Brown said. “Whether they want to be heterosexual, homosexual, monogamist or polygamist.”

Good for the Browns! They have displayed their solidarity with LGBT people and I hope they feel that solidarity is reciprocated.

Jancis M. Andrews on April 29, 2013 at 7:37 am commented on the article...

Has this group even discussed these serious drawbacks to their “marriage?” These women are nothing but concubines in Kody’s harem, and are therefore second-class citizens.

What makes them second-class citizens is the denial of their right to marry.

Someone should tell them that the year is 2013 AD, not 2013 BC, and that they don’t have to fear they can’t run a household without the help of other women.

Maybe they actually like their lives? Why does Andrews want to deny these adults their right to choose?

By the way, does Kody ever give a hand with the household chores, such as washing the dishes? Or does he rely on his harem of four women to do the job for him?

Oh, so they're not "nothing but concubines" now?

Nancy Mereska on April 29, 2013 at 8:02 am also commented...

I applaud Kristyn Decker for standing up to the Brown’s. Stop Polygamy in Canada Society disagrees with families like the Brown’s putting on such a glossy front.

Standing up to? Glossy front? What's Mereska's evidence that the Browns are not as happy as they appear to be?

Those who think polygamy should be legalized need to look at the great riots of France and England in the last half-decade. Groups of fatherless youth, living in poverty, forming gangs and rioting.

There are many, many fatherless youth from "monogamous" homes. Mereska wants to make sure Brown can't be legally married to all the mothers of his children, and so it is she who wants to deny children their father. Keeping a ban on the polygamous freedom to marry will not give any children a father, it will, in a way, deny many their father. Citing England and France implies that those countries legalized polygamy, which isn't the case.

Wow, these anti-equality folks are so blinded by prejudice that they can't be bothered to think. For every person they cite who says they had a bad childhood in a polygamous home, we can find thousands who've said the same thing about their "monogamous" home.

 

An adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race, or religion, should be free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage with ANY and ALL consenting adults, without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination. It is absurd that in 49 of 50 US states, it is entirely legal for a woman to live with two men and have children by both of them, but not be married to both of them at the same time, even though they all agree. A woman, like a man, should be free to marry a man, a woman, two women, two men, or men and women. Don't like it? Don't do it. 

 

You might find these helpful:

 

Lies and Damned Lies About Polygamy

 

Revisiting the Legal Nitty-Gritty of Polygamy

 

Read more »

Posted in: law,myths,Nevada,polygamy,polygyny,prejudice,Sister Wives,stigma,Utah

Bigots Claim to Know Happy Home is Unhappy

Insulting as it may be, there are people who claim to know that the homes other people have made for themselves can't possibly be happy ones, no matter what the people in those homes say. Khusbu Bhakta reports at unlvrebelyell.com on an appearance by the Browns of "Sister Wives." The television personalities returned to UNLV to possibly open more minds.

Kody Brown from Sister Wives explaining his role in the show at the Marjorie Barrick Museum Auditorium on Thursday, April 25, 2013. PHOTOS BY PAULINA ZENG/THE REBEL YELL

“The great thing about [polygamy] is that it was our choice,” said patriarch Kody Brown. He held his position during the panel in the center of his four wives — Meri, Janelle, Christine and Robyn. Each time he spoke they looked at him in admiration.

The women were dressed in contemporary attire — high heels, black skirts and slacks and brightly colored tops. Their hair was blown out, their faces made-up and no bonnet in sight.

There are many flavors of polygamy and even more of polyamory.

A member of the crowd stood up and asked if the women were looking to Kody Brown for permission before they spoke.

Meri Brown heatedly grabbed the microphone and said she looks at her husband because she loves him and when she wants to speak she will. The audience applauded.

Women can and do freely choose to enter into polygynous relationships.

Christine Brown’s aunt, Kollene Star, Kristen Decker and Willie Steed sat opposite the Kody Brown family, all three from polygamous backgrounds which they had abandoned.

“I didn’t want to share my husband,” Decker said.

Raised in a polygamous family herself, she felt she had to stay in her own marriage because of her religion.

“I was told that if I didn’t support my husband in plural marriage, then I wouldn’t be able to see my children in heaven,” Decker said.

If that shows a problem with something, it is of a problem of a particular religion, not the polygamous freedom to marry. There are people of different faiths or no religion at all who are in polyamorous relationships.

Willie Steed is the son of Warren Jeffs, former president of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints who was convicted of two felony counts of child sexual assault in 2011. Steed broke away from polygamy because he felt like he wasn’t growing in life.

Notice that he, and others, left. Good for them, if that is what they wanted to do. Let other people do what they want to do.

He knew he had to leave from under Warren Jeffs’ lifestyle. Steed believes polygamy is wrong and is designed only to fulfill the selfish needs of the patriarch.

I wonder what he has to say about polyandry, three or more women getting married, three or more men getting marriage, or an even number of men and women forming a polygamous relationship?

[Moderator William] Jankowiak has studied polygamous families for over 25 years and says most are dysfunctional. But the Browns, he said, are the exception to the rule. They communicate their difficulties and make sure the children are being raised in a genuine and loving household. They chose this lifestyle and openly display it, unlike most polygamous families.

With relationship rights for all adults, including full marriage equality, the problems inherent in having to hide relationships would go away, making things better for everyone. Bigotry hurts.

Originally from Utah, they relocated because of prejudice. Meri Brown lost her job when they came out as polygamists, Kody Brown received threats from coworkers, and the entire family is currently under investigation for bigamy.

People waste time trying to harm people for loving each other and sharing their lives. What a shame.

“Our children are free to make any decision they want when it comes to marriage,” Janelle Brown said. “Whether they want to be heterosexual, homosexual, monogamist or polygamist.”

Good for the Browns! They have displayed their solidarity with LGBT people and I hope they feel that solidarity is reciprocated.

Jancis M. Andrews on April 29, 2013 at 7:37 am commented on the article...

Has this group even discussed these serious drawbacks to their “marriage?” These women are nothing but concubines in Kody’s harem, and are therefore second-class citizens.

What makes them second-class citizens is the denial of their right to marry.

Someone should tell them that the year is 2013 AD, not 2013 BC, and that they don’t have to fear they can’t run a household without the help of other women.

Maybe they actually like their lives? Why does Andrews want to deny these adults their right to choose?

By the way, does Kody ever give a hand with the household chores, such as washing the dishes? Or does he rely on his harem of four women to do the job for him?

Oh, so they're not "nothing but concubines" now?

Nancy Mereska on April 29, 2013 at 8:02 am also commented...

I applaud Kristyn Decker for standing up to the Brown’s. Stop Polygamy in Canada Society disagrees with families like the Brown’s putting on such a glossy front.

Standing up to? Glossy front? What's Mereska's evidence that the Browns are not as happy as they appear to be?

Those who think polygamy should be legalized need to look at the great riots of France and England in the last half-decade. Groups of fatherless youth, living in poverty, forming gangs and rioting.

There are many, many fatherless youth from "monogamous" homes. Mereska wants to make sure Brown can't be legally married to all the mothers of his children, and so it is she who wants to deny children their father. Keeping a ban on the polygamous freedom to marry will not give any children a father, it will, in a way, deny many their father. Citing England and France implies that those countries legalized polygamy, which isn't the case.

Wow, these anti-equality folks are so blinded by prejudice that they can't be bothered to think. For every person they cite who says they had a bad childhood in a polygamous home, we can find thousands who've said the same thing about their "monogamous" home.

 

An adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race, or religion, should be free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage with ANY and ALL consenting adults, without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination. It is absurd that in 49 of 50 US states, it is entirely legal for a woman to live with two men and have children by both of them, but not be married to both of them at the same time, even though they all agree. A woman, like a man, should be free to marry a man, a woman, two women, two men, or men and women. Don't like it? Don't do it. 

 

You might find these helpful:

 

Lies and Damned Lies About Polygamy

 

Revisiting the Legal Nitty-Gritty of Polygamy

 

Read more »

Posted in: law,myths,Nevada,polygamy,polygyny,prejudice,Sister Wives,stigma,Utah

Jillian Keenan is an Ally For the Polygamous Freedom to Marry

Jillian Keenan writes at slate.com that polygamy should be legalized, and this is drawing much attention.

Sister-wives Valerie, left, and Vicki serve breakfast to their children in their polygamous house in Herriman, Utah, in this file photo from May 30, 2007. Photo by Kamil Krzaczynski/Reuters

While the Supreme Court and the rest of us are all focused on the human right of marriage equality, let’s not forget that the fight doesn’t end with same-sex marriage. We need to legalize polygamy, too. Legalized polygamy in the United States is the constitutional, feminist, and sex-positive choice. More importantly, it would actually help protect, empower, and strengthen women, children, and families.

Thank you!

But legalizing consensual adult polygamy wouldn’t legalize rape or child abuse. In fact, it would make those crimes easier to combat.

Exactly!

Right now, all polygamous families, including the healthy, responsible ones, are driven into hiding (notwithstanding the openly polygamous Brown family on TLC’s Sister Wives, that is). In the resulting isolation, crime and abuse can flourish unimpeded. Children in polygamous communities are taught to fear the police and are not likely to report an abusive neighbor if they suspect their own parents might be caught up in a subsequent criminal investigation. In a United States with legalized polygamy, responsible plural families could emerge from the shadows—making it easier for authorities to zero in on the criminals who remain there.

The focus of this piece is polygynous or plural marriage in the Mormon tradition, but let's not forget traditional polyandry and various forms of polyamory.

Many people argue that there is no such thing as a “healthy, responsible” polygamous family, particularly for the children born into one. “Children are harmed because they are often set in perennial rivalry with other children and mothers for the affection and attention of the family patriarch,” argued John Witte Jr. in the Washington Post. “Men with lots of children and wives are spread too thin,” agreed Libby Copeland in Slate. The earnestness of these arguments is touching but idealistic. Men in monogamous marriages can’t be spread too thin? Children in monogamous families don’t rival each other for the attentions of their parents? Two-parent families are not the reality for millions of American children. Divorce, remarriage, surrogate parents, extended relatives, and other diverse family arrangements mean families already come in all sizes—why not recognize that legally?

Yes. Again, it is entirely legal for man to have children with multiple women. But he can't be legally married to more than one mother of his children at one time, even if all agree. How does that make sense?

Legalized polygamous marriage would also be good for immigrant families, some of whom have legally polygamous marriages in their home countries that get ripped apart during the immigration process. (It’s impossible to estimate exactly how many polygamous families live here, since they live their religious and sexual identities in secret. Academics suggest there are 50,000 to 100,000 people engaged in Muslim polygamy in the U.S., and there are thousands of fundamentalist Mormon polygamist families as well.)

We're discussing immigration reform again in the US. LGBT and polygamous families should be reunited.

Here’s the thing: As women, we really can make our own choices. We just might choose things people don’t like. If a woman wants to marry a man, that’s great. If she wants to marry another woman, that’s great too. If she wants to marry a hipster, well—I suppose that’s the price of freedom.

And if she wants to marry a man with three other wives, that’s her damn choice.

We have a winner!

Let's stand up for the rights of ALL adults by adopting full marriage equality sooner rather than later. There is no good reason to stop evolving now.

Legally, since marriage is mostly a financial/contract matter, we can look to existing frameworks used in law. A common example is a corporation, or a business involving three or more owners, or a rock or pop music band, where members share ownership and someone may leave or someone else may join.

Another aspect of marriage in many places is default paternity. This has resulted in anywhere from 10 to 20 percent of children being automatically assigned legal fathers who aren't biologically theirs, often without the father's awareness. We have DNA tests to sort that out now, although I understand there are some religious groups who do not allow their members to get DNA testing, but as I understand it, those groups are also officially monogamous, so wouldn't be an issue for them anyway.

See:

 

The Legal Nitty Gritty of Polygamy

 

Lies and Damned Lies About Polygamy

 

 

Read more »

Posted in: allies,boundaries,breaking up homes,children,freedom to marry,lack of equality harms,media,myths,polyamory,polygamy,polygyny,prejudice,religion,Sister Wives,solidarity

Jillian Keenan is an Ally For the Polygamous Freedom to Marry

Jillian Keenan writes at slate.com that polygamy should be legalized, and this is drawing much attention.

Sister-wives Valerie, left, and Vicki serve breakfast to their children in their polygamous house in Herriman, Utah, in this file photo from May 30, 2007. Photo by Kamil Krzaczynski/Reuters

While the Supreme Court and the rest of us are all focused on the human right of marriage equality, let’s not forget that the fight doesn’t end with same-sex marriage. We need to legalize polygamy, too. Legalized polygamy in the United States is the constitutional, feminist, and sex-positive choice. More importantly, it would actually help protect, empower, and strengthen women, children, and families.

Thank you!

But legalizing consensual adult polygamy wouldn’t legalize rape or child abuse. In fact, it would make those crimes easier to combat.

Exactly!

Right now, all polygamous families, including the healthy, responsible ones, are driven into hiding (notwithstanding the openly polygamous Brown family on TLC’s Sister Wives, that is). In the resulting isolation, crime and abuse can flourish unimpeded. Children in polygamous communities are taught to fear the police and are not likely to report an abusive neighbor if they suspect their own parents might be caught up in a subsequent criminal investigation. In a United States with legalized polygamy, responsible plural families could emerge from the shadows—making it easier for authorities to zero in on the criminals who remain there.

The focus of this piece is polygynous or plural marriage in the Mormon tradition, but let's not forget traditional polyandry and various forms of polyamory.

Many people argue that there is no such thing as a “healthy, responsible” polygamous family, particularly for the children born into one. “Children are harmed because they are often set in perennial rivalry with other children and mothers for the affection and attention of the family patriarch,” argued John Witte Jr. in the Washington Post. “Men with lots of children and wives are spread too thin,” agreed Libby Copeland in Slate. The earnestness of these arguments is touching but idealistic. Men in monogamous marriages can’t be spread too thin? Children in monogamous families don’t rival each other for the attentions of their parents? Two-parent families are not the reality for millions of American children. Divorce, remarriage, surrogate parents, extended relatives, and other diverse family arrangements mean families already come in all sizes—why not recognize that legally?

Yes. Again, it is entirely legal for man to have children with multiple women. But he can't be legally married to more than one mother of his children at one time, even if all agree. How does that make sense?

Legalized polygamous marriage would also be good for immigrant families, some of whom have legally polygamous marriages in their home countries that get ripped apart during the immigration process. (It’s impossible to estimate exactly how many polygamous families live here, since they live their religious and sexual identities in secret. Academics suggest there are 50,000 to 100,000 people engaged in Muslim polygamy in the U.S., and there are thousands of fundamentalist Mormon polygamist families as well.)

We're discussing immigration reform again in the US. LGBT and polygamous families should be reunited.

Here’s the thing: As women, we really can make our own choices. We just might choose things people don’t like. If a woman wants to marry a man, that’s great. If she wants to marry another woman, that’s great too. If she wants to marry a hipster, well—I suppose that’s the price of freedom.

And if she wants to marry a man with three other wives, that’s her damn choice.

We have a winner!

Let's stand up for the rights of ALL adults by adopting full marriage equality sooner rather than later. There is no good reason to stop evolving now.

Legally, since marriage is mostly a financial/contract matter, we can look to existing frameworks used in law. A common example is a corporation, or a business involving three or more owners, or a rock or pop music band, where members share ownership and someone may leave or someone else may join.

Another aspect of marriage in many places is default paternity. This has resulted in anywhere from 10 to 20 percent of children being automatically assigned legal fathers who aren't biologically theirs, often without the father's awareness. We have DNA tests to sort that out now, although I understand there are some religious groups who do not allow their members to get DNA testing, but as I understand it, those groups are also officially monogamous, so wouldn't be an issue for them anyway.

See:

 

The Legal Nitty Gritty of Polygamy

 

Lies and Damned Lies About Polygamy

 

 

Read more »

Posted in: allies,boundaries,breaking up homes,children,freedom to marry,lack of equality harms,media,myths,polyamory,polygamy,polygyny,prejudice,religion,Sister Wives,solidarity

Speaking Up For Discrimination in Utah

Yes, there are people with enough time on their hands to actively support a discriminatory law that criminalizes consenting adults living together or presenting themselves as having a polyamorous, polygamous, or plural marriage. Makes we wonder if there is anything about their relationships some people might object to?


Mark Green at fox13now.com reports...

An organization that opposes decriminalizing polygamy in Utah made its presence known at the Utah Capitol this morning.

Members of the Sound Choice Coalition visited with state officials and asked them to resist loosening Utah’s laws regarding polygamy.

The organization’s founder, Kristyn Decker, is a former polygamist, and she said if Utah moves to decriminalize polygamy it will allow the state to become a haven for the abuses that come along with the practice.

Allowing an ADULT their right to share love, sex, residence, and marriage with ANY and ALL consenting adults will actually make it EASIER to prosecute abusers, because victims and witnesses will not be fearful of law enforcement just because they are in a polyamorous relationship. It is absurd that Utah has laws against consenting adults simply living together. Stop the hate and bigotry. Any woman (and any man) should be free to marry a woman, a man, two women, two men, etc. Stop blaming consensual adult relationships for abuse, which happens in supposedly monogamous homes, too.

Decker said many people who seem to be happy with polygamy are actually miserable, and she said she once pretended to be happy in a polygamous lifestyle.

She knows what is better for YOU, got it???

The Utah law is ridiculous and needs to go. Abuse will still be illegal. It will be easier to prosecute.

Read more »

Posted in: freedom to marry,law,polyamory,polygamy,prejudice,Sister Wives,Utah

Anti-Equality Utah Law in Court

The court case involving the "Sister Wives" polygynists (plural marriage) is in the news again. Remember, this case is in court because Utah has laws that more or less criminalize polyamorous cohabitation or considering more than one person your spouse. Here is the report at sltrib.com by Nate Carlisle and Jim Dalrymple II...

As the hearing proceeded, Waddoups zeroed in on the definition of a polygamous relationship. Posing a hypothetical question he asked what the difference was between a polygamous relationship and an unmarried man who chooses to have intimate relationships with three women.

After a series of increasingly heated exchanges, Assistant Utah Attorney General Jerrold Jensen replied that a polygamous relationship is different. He said it was defined by people representing themselves as married.

“I think it’s the representation that they make to the world,” Jensen said.

Waddoups questioned whether the state had created an arbitrary standard for prosecuting relationships.

“The law has to draw a line somewhere,” Jensen argued.

“They have to be rational lines,” Waddoups shot back.

The rational line is consenting adults. Adults should be free to share love, sex, residence and marriage with ANY consenting adults.

Waddoups said he wondered if Utah’s bigamy statute was created to “stamp out a religious practice.”

Jensen said that religion clearly was a part of past anti-polygamy laws, but also argued that every state has laws that ban polygamy.

Waddoups questioned Jensen for about 40 minutes. Waddoups questioned Turley for about half that.

Turley criticized the states’ reliance on stories and anecdotal evidence to say polygamy fostered abuse.

“I can give stories in the tens of thousands in monogamous marriages where abuse has occurred,” Turley said.

There is no good reason to deny adults the right to love who and how they want. The law in Utah needs to go, but it will be just one step along the way. Nationwide, we need to allow freedom of religion, freedom of association, and full marriage equality. Abusers will be easier to find and prosecute if the stigma and criminalizations against plural marriages, polygamy, and polyamory are eliminated. There more at the website's blog.

Read more »

Posted in: courts,FLDS,freedom to marry,lack of equality harms,law,persecution,Sister Wives,Utah

Polyamory Rising

Thanks in no small part to the Browns and their TLC television show, "Sister Wives," awareness of consensual polygamy (especially plural marriages) is increasing. The same goes for the Showtime's Polyamory show. Both shows and related media and discussion will contribute to relationship rights for poly people, including the freedom to marry and, ultimately, full marriage equality.

The Browns lead a forum at UNLV, prompting some news coverage. Here's a report from Paul Takahashi at lasvegassun.com...

Christopher DeVargas

Kody Brown, center, is flanked by two of his four ‘Sister Wives,” Christine, at left, and Meri, at right.

There are more than 850 societies around the world that practice polygamy, and an estimated 30,000 or more plural families living in the United States, Blumer said. However, because of a negative cultural stigma and legal concerns, most plural families live largely in secrecy.

When the Brown family came out to their monogamous friends relatives some 20 years ago, it strained relationships and broke some bonds.

The Browns also suffered repercussions when their family made national headlines after "Sister Wives" first aired. Meri lost her job, Kody lost a couple of advertising clients and Robyn had a difficult time finding work.

For a couple of years, the family also faced legal prosecution. 

How ridiculous it is that people perpetuate such bigotry.

The Browns also shared their views of what it means to be a feminist in a plural marriage and how they empathize with proponents for gay marriage.

"I believe that I was able to choose our family structure," Kody Brown said. "It should be the right of every citizen in this country to be able to choose their family structure."

The family also shared the decision to come out about their plural marriage.

"I felt like there were so many stereotypes about plural marriages," Kody Brown said. "When I talked with my children about doing the show, I said we have an opportunity to not only change our world, but to change the world for everyone else."

Good or them for expressing and promoting solidarity!

Las Vegas resident Tracy Enriquez, 47, watches "Sister Wives" regularly and said the show changed her views on plural marriage. Seeing the family in person solidified her views, she said.

"At first, I thought it was crazy, but when I saw how much they love each other, it kind of changed my views," she said. "If they don't force people into their lifestyle, I don't see anything wrong with it. I respect them."

That was just one of the examples of how they're opening minds. Good for them! The newspaper also included an edited version of question-and-answer session, and you should click through to read it...

Christopher DeVargas

The Kody Brown family, from left, Christine, Janelle, Kody, Robyn and Meri.

Are most people out like you are?

Kody: Almost all of our friends who are in plural marriage are closeted to some level. People are careful not to flaunt it, even in small and remote towns.

It is sad that people feel pressured to hide their marriages.

What are your views of patriarchy and feminism? Polygamy is often seen as a patriarchy and bad for women.

Janelle: Patriarchy has a very negative connotation for me. It's true that Kody is the glue that holds us together, but I definitely have my voice. I feel very liberated. I have a career, my independence and freedom. I've never had to stay at home with sick kids or worry too much about what's for dinner. I can have my cake, and eat it too.

Meri: I agree. I've become so independent in some ways.

Christine, a homemaker: I feel our family is very patriarchal, but it's exactly what I wanted. I just want to be a princess in life.

Clearly, these are women who make up their own minds.

There are negative stereotypes about polygamy. How are you different from Warren Jeffs and FLDS?

Kody: We are Fundamentalist Mormons, not the LDS or FLDS. Jeffs – who was the leader of the FLDS – built up a fiefdom around him. He took the voice away from his wives and children. My belief is that my wives should have their voice and should be able to make choices. As a family, we make choices together.

Janelle: I was able to choose my family. In some Mormon sects, marriages are arranged. In our community, we don't assign spouses. We also wait to get married after we turn 18 years old. The only common thing is we worship from the same scripture as the LDS.

Christine: We also have access to the outside world, the Internet and TV. We want the world for our children, for them to go to college and travel.

Meri: I recently ran a 5K in Utah to get people out of the FLDS. (Audience applauds.)

Janelle: Secrecy is bad, because it allowed people like Warren Jeffs to abuse. That abuse persists, because people were more afraid of the government than Jeffs.

Kody: We're don't mean to criticize the FLDS. That is a community that needs our empathy and support. We can save our criticism for their leadership.

Although the Browns prefer their marital construct be referred to as plural marriage, like all consensual polygamy, I consider it form of polyamory.  Kathy Labriola has written about "The Polyamorous Couple Next Door" at twodaymag.com. Here's Part 1...

There may be married couples right on your block, or even next door to you, who are in an open or polyamorous relationship without anyone outside the family being aware of it. In fact, it has been impossible for researchers to estimate how many couples practice some form of non-monogamy because the vast majority of these couples are very careful to keep their lifestyle secret.

As a counselor in private practice, I get calls every day from married couples all over the country who have made an agreement to allow each other to have outside sexual or romantic relationships. The usual reasons they give for keeping this from their families, friends, and  co-workers? Fears of their children being taken away from them, being ostracized by family members, being rejected by their friends, or losing their jobs. These fears are usually at least partially based on reality, as many couples have experienced negative consequences when they “came out of the closet” or if others accidentally found out about their open marriage. 

She goes on to give some examples of people involved in these relationships. And here is Part 2.

My experience counseling couples has convinced me of one thing regardless of whether your marriage is explicitly monogamous or polyamorous: If your relationship is strong, stable, and happy, your spouse is unlikely to leave you for someone else, even if they have outside partners. People generally leave their marriages because they are unhappy, not because they have another lover.

Turns out that she wrote mostly about open marriages and cheating, and not polyfidelity.

Finally, at gonzotimes.com, Alexis offered an introduction to the world of polyamory...

To use the most inclusive definition, polyamory – often shortened to ‘poly’ – is “ethical consensual nonmonogamy”. More specifically, it’s typically used to describe multiple romantic relationships; and it’s contrasted with swinging, which typically involves having multiple sexual relationships (often in the presence of emotional monogamy). However, polyamory is not ‘cheating’: ‘cheating’ involves breaking rules, and by the definition given above, polyamory only describes situations in which all involved have actively consented to the arrangement.

Read more »

Posted in: academia,allies,cheating,coming out,family reaction,FLDS,lack of equality harms,love,media,Nevada,open,polyamory,polygamy,polygyny,prejudice,religion,Sister Wives,solidarity,swinging

Polyamory Rising

Thanks in no small part to the Browns and their TLC television show, "Sister Wives," awareness of consensual polygamy (especially plural marriages) is increasing. The same goes for the Showtime's Polyamory show. Both shows and related media and discussion will contribute to relationship rights for poly people, including the freedom to marry and, ultimately, full marriage equality.

The Browns lead a forum at UNLV, prompting some news coverage. Here's a report from Paul Takahashi at lasvegassun.com...

Christopher DeVargas

Kody Brown, center, is flanked by two of his four ‘Sister Wives,” Christine, at left, and Meri, at right.

There are more than 850 societies around the world that practice polygamy, and an estimated 30,000 or more plural families living in the United States, Blumer said. However, because of a negative cultural stigma and legal concerns, most plural families live largely in secrecy.

When the Brown family came out to their monogamous friends relatives some 20 years ago, it strained relationships and broke some bonds.

The Browns also suffered repercussions when their family made national headlines after "Sister Wives" first aired. Meri lost her job, Kody lost a couple of advertising clients and Robyn had a difficult time finding work.

For a couple of years, the family also faced legal prosecution. 

How ridiculous it is that people perpetuate such bigotry.

The Browns also shared their views of what it means to be a feminist in a plural marriage and how they empathize with proponents for gay marriage.

"I believe that I was able to choose our family structure," Kody Brown said. "It should be the right of every citizen in this country to be able to choose their family structure."

The family also shared the decision to come out about their plural marriage.

"I felt like there were so many stereotypes about plural marriages," Kody Brown said. "When I talked with my children about doing the show, I said we have an opportunity to not only change our world, but to change the world for everyone else."

Good or them for expressing and promoting solidarity!

Las Vegas resident Tracy Enriquez, 47, watches "Sister Wives" regularly and said the show changed her views on plural marriage. Seeing the family in person solidified her views, she said.

"At first, I thought it was crazy, but when I saw how much they love each other, it kind of changed my views," she said. "If they don't force people into their lifestyle, I don't see anything wrong with it. I respect them."

That was just one of the examples of how they're opening minds. Good for them! The newspaper also included an edited version of question-and-answer session, and you should click through to read it...

Christopher DeVargas

The Kody Brown family, from left, Christine, Janelle, Kody, Robyn and Meri.

Are most people out like you are?

Kody: Almost all of our friends who are in plural marriage are closeted to some level. People are careful not to flaunt it, even in small and remote towns.

It is sad that people feel pressured to hide their marriages.

What are your views of patriarchy and feminism? Polygamy is often seen as a patriarchy and bad for women.

Janelle: Patriarchy has a very negative connotation for me. It's true that Kody is the glue that holds us together, but I definitely have my voice. I feel very liberated. I have a career, my independence and freedom. I've never had to stay at home with sick kids or worry too much about what's for dinner. I can have my cake, and eat it too.

Meri: I agree. I've become so independent in some ways.

Christine, a homemaker: I feel our family is very patriarchal, but it's exactly what I wanted. I just want to be a princess in life.

Clearly, these are women who make up their own minds.

There are negative stereotypes about polygamy. How are you different from Warren Jeffs and FLDS?

Kody: We are Fundamentalist Mormons, not the LDS or FLDS. Jeffs – who was the leader of the FLDS – built up a fiefdom around him. He took the voice away from his wives and children. My belief is that my wives should have their voice and should be able to make choices. As a family, we make choices together.

Janelle: I was able to choose my family. In some Mormon sects, marriages are arranged. In our community, we don't assign spouses. We also wait to get married after we turn 18 years old. The only common thing is we worship from the same scripture as the LDS.

Christine: We also have access to the outside world, the Internet and TV. We want the world for our children, for them to go to college and travel.

Meri: I recently ran a 5K in Utah to get people out of the FLDS. (Audience applauds.)

Janelle: Secrecy is bad, because it allowed people like Warren Jeffs to abuse. That abuse persists, because people were more afraid of the government than Jeffs.

Kody: We're don't mean to criticize the FLDS. That is a community that needs our empathy and support. We can save our criticism for their leadership.

Although the Browns prefer their marital construct be referred to as plural marriage, like all consensual polygamy, I consider it form of polyamory.  Kathy Labriola has written about "The Polyamorous Couple Next Door" at twodaymag.com. Here's Part 1...

There may be married couples right on your block, or even next door to you, who are in an open or polyamorous relationship without anyone outside the family being aware of it. In fact, it has been impossible for researchers to estimate how many couples practice some form of non-monogamy because the vast majority of these couples are very careful to keep their lifestyle secret.

As a counselor in private practice, I get calls every day from married couples all over the country who have made an agreement to allow each other to have outside sexual or romantic relationships. The usual reasons they give for keeping this from their families, friends, and  co-workers? Fears of their children being taken away from them, being ostracized by family members, being rejected by their friends, or losing their jobs. These fears are usually at least partially based on reality, as many couples have experienced negative consequences when they “came out of the closet” or if others accidentally found out about their open marriage. 

She goes on to give some examples of people involved in these relationships. And here is Part 2.

My experience counseling couples has convinced me of one thing regardless of whether your marriage is explicitly monogamous or polyamorous: If your relationship is strong, stable, and happy, your spouse is unlikely to leave you for someone else, even if they have outside partners. People generally leave their marriages because they are unhappy, not because they have another lover.

Turns out that she wrote mostly about open marriages and cheating, and not polyfidelity.

Finally, at gonzotimes.com, Alexis offered an introduction to the world of polyamory...

To use the most inclusive definition, polyamory – often shortened to ‘poly’ – is “ethical consensual nonmonogamy”. More specifically, it’s typically used to describe multiple romantic relationships; and it’s contrasted with swinging, which typically involves having multiple sexual relationships (often in the presence of emotional monogamy). However, polyamory is not ‘cheating’: ‘cheating’ involves breaking rules, and by the definition given above, polyamory only describes situations in which all involved have actively consented to the arrangement.

Read more »

Posted in: academia,allies,cheating,coming out,family reaction,FLDS,lack of equality harms,love,media,Nevada,open,polyamory,polygamy,polygyny,prejudice,religion,Sister Wives,solidarity,swinging