Genetic Sexual Attraction is Real

Ciacho gave a basic explanation of what Genetic Sexual Attraction is, and asked for opinions on whether or not it is real. There should be no doubt at this point that it is real.

I think a better question is whether or not it is a problem. I don't think it is inherently a problem. However, because it is so powerful, it can be a problem given certain circumstances:

1. Not reciprocated. Unrequieted love or attraction is painful.

2. Acting on focusing on the attraction violates existing vows to another, or otherwise damages an existing relationship. A common example is a married person with vows of monogamy becomes distracted or cheats.

3. A non-sexual relationship is a higher priority ("I want a brother") and sex is seen as a threat to that.

4. Acting would be a violation of the law. Rejection by others.

#4 should no longer be true when it comes to adults. It is ridiculous to have laws against consensual adult sex, and we should not reject our friends and family for such a thing, either. #3 is a little more flexible. If one is the kind of person who can be friends with past lovers, there shouldn't be a concern. By exploring the sexual side of the relationship, there is a lot that can be gained and less of a chance anything will be lost.

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Posted in: boundaries,consanguineous,GSA

Genetic Sexual Attraction is Real

Ciacho gave a basic explanation of what Genetic Sexual Attraction is, and asked for opinions on whether or not it is real. There should be no doubt at this point that it is real.

I think a better question is whether or not it is a problem. I don't think it is inherently a problem. However, because it is so powerful, it can be a problem given certain circumstances:

1. Not reciprocated. Unrequieted love or attraction is painful.

2. Acting on focusing on the attraction violates existing vows to another, or otherwise damages an existing relationship. A common example is a married person with vows of monogamy becomes distracted or cheats.

3. A non-sexual relationship is a higher priority ("I want a brother") and sex is seen as a threat to that.

4. Acting would be a violation of the law. Rejection by others.

#4 should no longer be true when it comes to adults. It is ridiculous to have laws against consensual adult sex, and we should not reject our friends and family for such a thing, either. #3 is a little more flexible. If one is the kind of person who can be friends with past lovers, there shouldn't be a concern. By exploring the sexual side of the relationship, there is a lot that can be gained and less of a chance anything will be lost.

Read more »

Posted in: boundaries,consanguineous,GSA

Good for New Zealand! Keep Evolving

New Zealand has adopted the limited same-gender freedom to marry, and congratulations to our monogamist LGBT friends who will finally be free to marry in New Zealand. We want to see New Zealand continue to progress to full marriage equality, so that an adult is free to marry any and all consenting adults.

Are you paying attention, US Supreme Court? Don’t let the US fall further behind. Make a bold statement for the rights of all adults.

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Posted in: freedom to marry,law,LGBT,New Zealand,same-sex

Good for New Zealand! Keep Evolving

New Zealand has adopted the limited same-gender freedom to marry, and congratulations to our monogamist LGBT friends who will finally be free to marry in New Zealand. We want to see New Zealand continue to progress to full marriage equality, so that an adult is free to marry any and all consenting adults.

Are you paying attention, US Supreme Court? Don’t let the US fall further behind. Make a bold statement for the rights of all adults.

Read more »

Posted in: freedom to marry,law,LGBT,New Zealand,same-sex

Welcome Michael Brown Readers

In an opinion piece where one anti-equality Christian author/talk show host by the name of Michael Brown vents his disapproval of the actions of a progressive Christian Reverend, Brown links to many places, including this blog.

This blog is not about religion, and certainly not about squabbles within Christianity. I am happy to welcome all people, regardless of which, if any, religion they claim. I welcome Theists, Deists, Pantheists, Polytheists, Atheists, and anybody else who wants to learn more about why they should support relationship rights for all adults, or learn that they are not alone in their own situation.

If you read what Dr. Brown wrote closely, he didn't explain his objection to full marriage equality or what I've written at this blog. It appears to be that his religious beliefs do not support it. Well, OK, he doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want to, and neither do you. You don't have to marry anyone you don't want to (even if your church pressures you to.) But should you have the right to deny other adults their consensual relationships? That is imposing your religion on them. I've addressed arguments you might have heard against marriage equality. Please take a read. You can still hold your religious beliefs and recognize that other adults should have their freedom of association.

You should also read about people who love each other very much who are being hurt as long as full marriage equality isn't in place. Why would you want to hurt them?

Full marriage equality is inevitable. Please stop trying to deny other adults their rights and instead direct your efforts to something useful, like fighting predators, feeding the hungry, providing shelter to the homeless, etc. Every minute you spend fighting equality in futility is a minute you could have spent fighting against sexual assault or molestation, or caring for people who need help.

Read more »

Posted in: freedom to marry,marriage equality,media,religion

Welcome Michael Brown Readers

In an opinion piece where one anti-equality Christian author/talk show host by the name of Michael Brown vents his disapproval of the actions of a progressive Christian Reverend, Brown links to many places, including this blog.

This blog is not about religion, and certainly not about squabbles within Christianity. I am happy to welcome all people, regardless of which, if any, religion they claim. I welcome Theists, Deists, Pantheists, Polytheists, Atheists, and anybody else who wants to learn more about why they should support relationship rights for all adults, or learn that they are not alone in their own situation.

If you read what Dr. Brown wrote closely, he didn't explain his objection to full marriage equality or what I've written at this blog. It appears to be that his religious beliefs do not support it. Well, OK, he doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want to, and neither do you. You don't have to marry anyone you don't want to (even if your church pressures you to.) But should you have the right to deny other adults their consensual relationships? That is imposing your religion on them. I've addressed arguments you might have heard against marriage equality. Please take a read. You can still hold your religious beliefs and recognize that other adults should have their freedom of association.

You should also read about people who love each other very much who are being hurt as long as full marriage equality isn't in place. Why would you want to hurt them?

Full marriage equality is inevitable. Please stop trying to deny other adults their rights and instead direct your efforts to something useful, like fighting predators, feeding the hungry, providing shelter to the homeless, etc. Every minute you spend fighting equality in futility is a minute you could have spent fighting against sexual assault or molestation, or caring for people who need help.

Read more »

Posted in: freedom to marry,marriage equality,media,religion

Date Rape and Statutory Rape Plea Bargains

Around the turn of the century, Michigan's so-called "rape" laws underwent a sea-change.  The Legislature re-wrote the law of sexual assaults into what is now classified as "criminal sexual conduct" [CSC].

There are numerous facets to this law, including the ages of the accused and the victim; their relationship; the use of force; and many other factors.  Once convicted under the CSC statutes, a defendant then faces the onerous registration requirements under the Sex Offender Registration Act.

Recently, our law firm was involved in two CSC cases that were headed for jury trials; one in Genesee County and one in Oakland County.  Each case resolved with plea agreements that preserved our clients' freedoms, but also included punishments that were justified under the circumstances.

The case in Genesee County involved date rape and resolved with hard-bargained plea and sentencing agreements that reduced the degree of the charges from CSC 3rd to CSC 4th.  The sentencing agreement featured a no-jail guarantee.  The only way these agreements were reached was because our lawyers were prepared to try the case; and the accused had a good defense.

Our Oakland County case was not as strong.  The accused wanted to utilize a defense that his young victim looked years older than she actually was.  When a victim is between the ages of 13 and 16, however, the Michigan Supreme Court long-ago held that an accused's reasonable mistake in the age of the victim is not a defense.

In fact, this defendant had no defense, even though no force was used and the evidence showed that the young victim pursued the relationship with the accused and "consented" to sexual contact.  If convicted, he also missed the 4-year "Romeo and Juliet" age-gap that would have afforded him the opportunity to convince the judge that he should not be placed on the sex-offender registry.

Between our client's willingness to push the matter to trial, the reasonable approach of the judge, the open-mindedness of the prosecutor to resolve the matter short of trial and, perhaps most importantly, the victim and her family's unwillingness to take the matter to trial, our client was offered a no-prison guarantee on his sentence, with any jail term suspended on condition he successfully completed probation.  A very good result under such tough circumstances.

Sexual assaults are horrible crimes that, when reported, often make the victim pay.  They frequently go to trial.  Most often, such cases become an exercise in damage control.

www.clarkstonlegal.com
info@clarkstonlegal.com

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Posted in: criminal defense lawyer,criminal sexual conduct,CSC,Genesee County,Michigan Supreme Court,Oakland County,rape,Sex Offender Registration Act,SORA

Jillian Keenan is an Ally For the Polygamous Freedom to Marry

Jillian Keenan writes at slate.com that polygamy should be legalized, and this is drawing much attention.

Sister-wives Valerie, left, and Vicki serve breakfast to their children in their polygamous house in Herriman, Utah, in this file photo from May 30, 2007. Photo by Kamil Krzaczynski/Reuters

While the Supreme Court and the rest of us are all focused on the human right of marriage equality, let’s not forget that the fight doesn’t end with same-sex marriage. We need to legalize polygamy, too. Legalized polygamy in the United States is the constitutional, feminist, and sex-positive choice. More importantly, it would actually help protect, empower, and strengthen women, children, and families.

Thank you!

But legalizing consensual adult polygamy wouldn’t legalize rape or child abuse. In fact, it would make those crimes easier to combat.

Exactly!

Right now, all polygamous families, including the healthy, responsible ones, are driven into hiding (notwithstanding the openly polygamous Brown family on TLC’s Sister Wives, that is). In the resulting isolation, crime and abuse can flourish unimpeded. Children in polygamous communities are taught to fear the police and are not likely to report an abusive neighbor if they suspect their own parents might be caught up in a subsequent criminal investigation. In a United States with legalized polygamy, responsible plural families could emerge from the shadows—making it easier for authorities to zero in on the criminals who remain there.

The focus of this piece is polygynous or plural marriage in the Mormon tradition, but let's not forget traditional polyandry and various forms of polyamory.

Many people argue that there is no such thing as a “healthy, responsible” polygamous family, particularly for the children born into one. “Children are harmed because they are often set in perennial rivalry with other children and mothers for the affection and attention of the family patriarch,” argued John Witte Jr. in the Washington Post. “Men with lots of children and wives are spread too thin,” agreed Libby Copeland in Slate. The earnestness of these arguments is touching but idealistic. Men in monogamous marriages can’t be spread too thin? Children in monogamous families don’t rival each other for the attentions of their parents? Two-parent families are not the reality for millions of American children. Divorce, remarriage, surrogate parents, extended relatives, and other diverse family arrangements mean families already come in all sizes—why not recognize that legally?

Yes. Again, it is entirely legal for man to have children with multiple women. But he can't be legally married to more than one mother of his children at one time, even if all agree. How does that make sense?

Legalized polygamous marriage would also be good for immigrant families, some of whom have legally polygamous marriages in their home countries that get ripped apart during the immigration process. (It’s impossible to estimate exactly how many polygamous families live here, since they live their religious and sexual identities in secret. Academics suggest there are 50,000 to 100,000 people engaged in Muslim polygamy in the U.S., and there are thousands of fundamentalist Mormon polygamist families as well.)

We're discussing immigration reform again in the US. LGBT and polygamous families should be reunited.

Here’s the thing: As women, we really can make our own choices. We just might choose things people don’t like. If a woman wants to marry a man, that’s great. If she wants to marry another woman, that’s great too. If she wants to marry a hipster, well—I suppose that’s the price of freedom.

And if she wants to marry a man with three other wives, that’s her damn choice.

We have a winner!

Let's stand up for the rights of ALL adults by adopting full marriage equality sooner rather than later. There is no good reason to stop evolving now.

Legally, since marriage is mostly a financial/contract matter, we can look to existing frameworks used in law. A common example is a corporation, or a business involving three or more owners, or a rock or pop music band, where members share ownership and someone may leave or someone else may join.

Another aspect of marriage in many places is default paternity. This has resulted in anywhere from 10 to 20 percent of children being automatically assigned legal fathers who aren't biologically theirs, often without the father's awareness. We have DNA tests to sort that out now, although I understand there are some religious groups who do not allow their members to get DNA testing, but as I understand it, those groups are also officially monogamous, so wouldn't be an issue for them anyway.

See:

 

The Legal Nitty Gritty of Polygamy

 

Lies and Damned Lies About Polygamy

 

 

Read more »

Posted in: allies,boundaries,breaking up homes,children,freedom to marry,lack of equality harms,media,myths,polyamory,polygamy,polygyny,prejudice,religion,Sister Wives,solidarity

Jillian Keenan is an Ally For the Polygamous Freedom to Marry

Jillian Keenan writes at slate.com that polygamy should be legalized, and this is drawing much attention.

Sister-wives Valerie, left, and Vicki serve breakfast to their children in their polygamous house in Herriman, Utah, in this file photo from May 30, 2007. Photo by Kamil Krzaczynski/Reuters

While the Supreme Court and the rest of us are all focused on the human right of marriage equality, let’s not forget that the fight doesn’t end with same-sex marriage. We need to legalize polygamy, too. Legalized polygamy in the United States is the constitutional, feminist, and sex-positive choice. More importantly, it would actually help protect, empower, and strengthen women, children, and families.

Thank you!

But legalizing consensual adult polygamy wouldn’t legalize rape or child abuse. In fact, it would make those crimes easier to combat.

Exactly!

Right now, all polygamous families, including the healthy, responsible ones, are driven into hiding (notwithstanding the openly polygamous Brown family on TLC’s Sister Wives, that is). In the resulting isolation, crime and abuse can flourish unimpeded. Children in polygamous communities are taught to fear the police and are not likely to report an abusive neighbor if they suspect their own parents might be caught up in a subsequent criminal investigation. In a United States with legalized polygamy, responsible plural families could emerge from the shadows—making it easier for authorities to zero in on the criminals who remain there.

The focus of this piece is polygynous or plural marriage in the Mormon tradition, but let's not forget traditional polyandry and various forms of polyamory.

Many people argue that there is no such thing as a “healthy, responsible” polygamous family, particularly for the children born into one. “Children are harmed because they are often set in perennial rivalry with other children and mothers for the affection and attention of the family patriarch,” argued John Witte Jr. in the Washington Post. “Men with lots of children and wives are spread too thin,” agreed Libby Copeland in Slate. The earnestness of these arguments is touching but idealistic. Men in monogamous marriages can’t be spread too thin? Children in monogamous families don’t rival each other for the attentions of their parents? Two-parent families are not the reality for millions of American children. Divorce, remarriage, surrogate parents, extended relatives, and other diverse family arrangements mean families already come in all sizes—why not recognize that legally?

Yes. Again, it is entirely legal for man to have children with multiple women. But he can't be legally married to more than one mother of his children at one time, even if all agree. How does that make sense?

Legalized polygamous marriage would also be good for immigrant families, some of whom have legally polygamous marriages in their home countries that get ripped apart during the immigration process. (It’s impossible to estimate exactly how many polygamous families live here, since they live their religious and sexual identities in secret. Academics suggest there are 50,000 to 100,000 people engaged in Muslim polygamy in the U.S., and there are thousands of fundamentalist Mormon polygamist families as well.)

We're discussing immigration reform again in the US. LGBT and polygamous families should be reunited.

Here’s the thing: As women, we really can make our own choices. We just might choose things people don’t like. If a woman wants to marry a man, that’s great. If she wants to marry another woman, that’s great too. If she wants to marry a hipster, well—I suppose that’s the price of freedom.

And if she wants to marry a man with three other wives, that’s her damn choice.

We have a winner!

Let's stand up for the rights of ALL adults by adopting full marriage equality sooner rather than later. There is no good reason to stop evolving now.

Legally, since marriage is mostly a financial/contract matter, we can look to existing frameworks used in law. A common example is a corporation, or a business involving three or more owners, or a rock or pop music band, where members share ownership and someone may leave or someone else may join.

Another aspect of marriage in many places is default paternity. This has resulted in anywhere from 10 to 20 percent of children being automatically assigned legal fathers who aren't biologically theirs, often without the father's awareness. We have DNA tests to sort that out now, although I understand there are some religious groups who do not allow their members to get DNA testing, but as I understand it, those groups are also officially monogamous, so wouldn't be an issue for them anyway.

See:

 

The Legal Nitty Gritty of Polygamy

 

Lies and Damned Lies About Polygamy

 

 

Read more »

Posted in: allies,boundaries,breaking up homes,children,freedom to marry,lack of equality harms,media,myths,polyamory,polygamy,polygyny,prejudice,religion,Sister Wives,solidarity

Diane Rinella Explains Why She Wrote Love’s Forbidden Flower

Thanks to a friend of FME, I was pointed to a recent blog entry by author Diane Rinella about what inspired her newest book, Love’s Forbidden Flower. She explains about seeing a counterculture film, and then finding the novel on which is based, and then deciding to write her own novel taking a different approach. (This entry was bumped up because I want more people to see it.)

As I did research along the way I learned numerous things, the most noteworthy were; romantic, consensual sibling incest is not a rarity, 10-15% of college age adults have had a relationship with a sibling, and the books that tackle the subject either contain justifying circumstances or are erotica.

That’s just people in their early 20s. The percentage increases as the years ago by, as separated genetic siblings are reunited or introduced, as people explore their sexuality, as siblings care for each other or comfort each other after a death in the family, divorces, breakups, or illness/injury; as siblings overcome their irrational fear of seeking what they really want and realize how compatible they are; as siblings share a residence initially out of need or convenience; as siblings look after each other in their golden years.

As romantics, we dream of the person we can share everything with. We exchange vows, some even prick fingers and share blood. What if you already shared something deeper with your soul mate on the most personal of all physical levels? Isn’t that beautiful?  We are told no, and I found that reality sad.

Yes, very sad.

Along the way I learned more about societies biases. Many say that consensual incest is illegal because of birth defects.

Yes, we call that Discredited Argument #18.

Let’s challenge that for a second. The birth defect rate of products of siblings is 7-12% higher than that of two non-related individuals. Most women give birth in their late 20’s to early 30’s. According to babyzone.com, a woman between 30-34 has a 3% chance of birth defects. With siblings, that increases by 7-12%. A woman of 44 (my mother’s age when I was born) has a 35-45% percent of defects. So if we base the bias on birth defects, should we not sterilize women when they hit 40?

Yes the argument is ridiculous. We don’t deny people we know have serious genetic diseases their reproductive rights, so why deny those rights to people without any serious genetic diseases?

But here is what really chaps my hide about the birth defect argument, other than the fact that anti-sibling union laws predate our understanding of genetics. People are capable of making intelligent decisions. A person who happens to be in love with a sibling is no less intelligent than anyone else. Let’s give them the credit to make good decisions.

Thank you!

Besides, since when do you have to be married, or even be in a relationship that everyone approves of, to have a child?

Good point. There are places where there are no laws against consanguinamory, just a ban on marriage. Also, even some places with laws against consanguinamory have no law against close relatives, such as a brother and sister, using artificial insemination or IVF to conceive a child using his sperm and her egg.

Let’s get more personal. My husband is half-Japanese. Not long ago our marriage was illegal because people thought interracial marriages were wrong. Brian and I can’t control our birth circumstances, neither can Lily and Donovan. Society bans love based on the uncontrollable.

Yes. And strictly speaking, Brian could only marry someone else who had roughly the same racial background. He couldn’t marry someone who had fully Japanese ancestry, nor someone with fully European ancestry. A silly law, but silly laws remain.

Then one really big thing smacked me in the face. When you really think about it, the true love of some is illegal because others think it is icky. There lies the real threat. If we ban marriages because of a person’s feelings of ickiness, then all marriages are threatened.

Read the whole thing. Thanks to Diane Rinella for this thoughtful explanation of her inspiration and journey. I hear from Lilys and Donovans. Most contact me privately, taking steps to protect their true identity. Some have been more open with me and I get to see their entire lives. A few have allowed me to interview them.
Time and again, what I have seen are people who are just like anyone else, or even more attractive and intelligent than average, who share a love so profound and beautiful that it pains my heart that they have to hide at all. And what is so frustrating is that when it is carefully considered, there is no justification for continuing to force them to hide their love.

So thanks again to Diane Rinella for what she’s done. I know she will open many more minds, and not only will the Lilys and Donovans be better off, but so will their family and friends, and so will anyone who will have less prejudice in their heart.

Read: Ten Myths About Sibling Consanguinamory

Read more »

Posted in: allies,boundaries,brother-sister,consanguineous,lack of equality harms,love,media,siblings

Diane Rinella Explains Why She Wrote Love’s Forbidden Flower

Thanks to a friend of FME, I was pointed to a recent blog entry by author Diane Rinella about what inspired her newest book, Love’s Forbidden Flower. She explains about seeing a counterculture film, and then finding the novel on which is based, and then deciding to write her own novel taking a different approach. (This entry was bumped up because I want more people to see it.)

As I did research along the way I learned numerous things, the most noteworthy were; romantic, consensual sibling incest is not a rarity, 10-15% of college age adults have had a relationship with a sibling, and the books that tackle the subject either contain justifying circumstances or are erotica.

That’s just people in their early 20s. The percentage increases as the years ago by, as separated genetic siblings are reunited or introduced, as people explore their sexuality, as siblings care for each other or comfort each other after a death in the family, divorces, breakups, or illness/injury; as siblings overcome their irrational fear of seeking what they really want and realize how compatible they are; as siblings share a residence initially out of need or convenience; as siblings look after each other in their golden years.

As romantics, we dream of the person we can share everything with. We exchange vows, some even prick fingers and share blood. What if you already shared something deeper with your soul mate on the most personal of all physical levels? Isn’t that beautiful?  We are told no, and I found that reality sad.

Yes, very sad.

Along the way I learned more about societies biases. Many say that consensual incest is illegal because of birth defects.

Yes, we call that Discredited Argument #18.

Let’s challenge that for a second. The birth defect rate of products of siblings is 7-12% higher than that of two non-related individuals. Most women give birth in their late 20’s to early 30’s. According to babyzone.com, a woman between 30-34 has a 3% chance of birth defects. With siblings, that increases by 7-12%. A woman of 44 (my mother’s age when I was born) has a 35-45% percent of defects. So if we base the bias on birth defects, should we not sterilize women when they hit 40?

Yes the argument is ridiculous. We don’t deny people we know have serious genetic diseases their reproductive rights, so why deny those rights to people without any serious genetic diseases?

But here is what really chaps my hide about the birth defect argument, other than the fact that anti-sibling union laws predate our understanding of genetics. People are capable of making intelligent decisions. A person who happens to be in love with a sibling is no less intelligent than anyone else. Let’s give them the credit to make good decisions.

Thank you!

Besides, since when do you have to be married, or even be in a relationship that everyone approves of, to have a child?

Good point. There are places where there are no laws against consanguinamory, just a ban on marriage. Also, even some places with laws against consanguinamory have no law against close relatives, such as a brother and sister, using artificial insemination or IVF to conceive a child using his sperm and her egg.

Let’s get more personal. My husband is half-Japanese. Not long ago our marriage was illegal because people thought interracial marriages were wrong. Brian and I can’t control our birth circumstances, neither can Lily and Donovan. Society bans love based on the uncontrollable.

Yes. And strictly speaking, Brian could only marry someone else who had roughly the same racial background. He couldn’t marry someone who had fully Japanese ancestry, nor someone with fully European ancestry. A silly law, but silly laws remain.

Then one really big thing smacked me in the face. When you really think about it, the true love of some is illegal because others think it is icky. There lies the real threat. If we ban marriages because of a person’s feelings of ickiness, then all marriages are threatened.

Read the whole thing. Thanks to Diane Rinella for this thoughtful explanation of her inspiration and journey. I hear from Lilys and Donovans. Most contact me privately, taking steps to protect their true identity. Some have been more open with me and I get to see their entire lives. A few have allowed me to interview them.
Time and again, what I have seen are people who are just like anyone else, or even more attractive and intelligent than average, who share a love so profound and beautiful that it pains my heart that they have to hide at all. And what is so frustrating is that when it is carefully considered, there is no justification for continuing to force them to hide their love.

So thanks again to Diane Rinella for what she’s done. I know she will open many more minds, and not only will the Lilys and Donovans be better off, but so will their family and friends, and so will anyone who will have less prejudice in their heart.

Read: Ten Myths About Sibling Consanguinamory

Read more »

Posted in: allies,boundaries,brother-sister,consanguineous,lack of equality harms,love,media,siblings

Of Bus Sightings and Thrones

Writing at policymic.com, Ethan Case brought up issues of solidarity between those seeking the same-gender freedom to marry and those seeking the consanguineous freedom to marry. It involves SPOILERS of the "Dark Wings, Dark Words" episode of Game of Thrones.

The question is, did wrong Jaime as pro-gay hurt gay marriage? (Thanks for a FME reader for pointing me to this writing.)

But, after about 30 seconds, a revelation struck me ... Jaime's line isn't out of context at all. In fact, Jaime Lannister is the ONLY character on the show who could make that statement and have it actually be relevant to the show's plot. Why? Because almost all of the events of Game of Thrones  are sparked by Jaime being caught in an incestuous relationship with his twin sister.

It's even more directly addressed in the books, but Jaime and his twin sister are truly in love. It isn't merely sexual for them. In that 30 seconds I spent fuming about the unwanted injection of liberalism in my weekly dose of sex and brutality, I realized that Jaime was showing empathy for Renly's situation of forbidden love, because he identified with him, having a forbidden love of his own.

There is no doubt the writers were thinking of this when they wrote that line for him.  They are extremely detail oriented, and there are constantly instances of small snippets of conversation from previous seasons subtly reemerging in later episodes.

However, in attempting to show solidarity and acceptance of homosexuality and gay marriage, while also advancing the story and giving Jaime more dimension, the writers have inadvertently strengthened a very conservative argument against gay marriage.

This is where I remind people that the response to bigots when they say "What's next" or "But gay marriage will lead to..." is to calmly ask this question...

What is wrong with letting consenting adults be together?

The bigot won't be able to give a good answer, because there is no good answer. There are only reasons why they personally wouldn't want a gay/lesbian relationship or a consanguineous relationship, not why anybody else should be denied their rights. Instead of throwing other people under the bus and joining with the bigots in ridiculing the love lives and marriages of others, we should stand up for every adult's right to share love, sex, residence, and marriage with any and all consenting adults. This is not a hypothetical. There are people who are in loving relationships right now who are denied their rights, most of whom have to hide their love. Standing up for a freedom to marry is good. Standing up for full marriage equality is better.

Read more »

Posted in: allies,boundaries,brother-sister,consanguineous,freedom to marry,LGBT,media,prejudice,same-sex,siblings,solidarity

Of Bus Sightings and Thrones

Writing at policymic.com, Ethan Case brought up issues of solidarity between those seeking the same-gender freedom to marry and those seeking the consanguineous freedom to marry. It involves SPOILERS of the "Dark Wings, Dark Words" episode of Game of Thrones.

The question is, did wrong Jaime as pro-gay hurt gay marriage? (Thanks for a FME reader for pointing me to this writing.)

But, after about 30 seconds, a revelation struck me ... Jaime's line isn't out of context at all. In fact, Jaime Lannister is the ONLY character on the show who could make that statement and have it actually be relevant to the show's plot. Why? Because almost all of the events of Game of Thrones  are sparked by Jaime being caught in an incestuous relationship with his twin sister.

It's even more directly addressed in the books, but Jaime and his twin sister are truly in love. It isn't merely sexual for them. In that 30 seconds I spent fuming about the unwanted injection of liberalism in my weekly dose of sex and brutality, I realized that Jaime was showing empathy for Renly's situation of forbidden love, because he identified with him, having a forbidden love of his own.

There is no doubt the writers were thinking of this when they wrote that line for him.  They are extremely detail oriented, and there are constantly instances of small snippets of conversation from previous seasons subtly reemerging in later episodes.

However, in attempting to show solidarity and acceptance of homosexuality and gay marriage, while also advancing the story and giving Jaime more dimension, the writers have inadvertently strengthened a very conservative argument against gay marriage.

This is where I remind people that the response to bigots when they say "What's next" or "But gay marriage will lead to..." is to calmly ask this question...

What is wrong with letting consenting adults be together?

The bigot won't be able to give a good answer, because there is no good answer. There are only reasons why they personally wouldn't want a gay/lesbian relationship or a consanguineous relationship, not why anybody else should be denied their rights. Instead of throwing other people under the bus and joining with the bigots in ridiculing the love lives and marriages of others, we should stand up for every adult's right to share love, sex, residence, and marriage with any and all consenting adults. This is not a hypothetical. There are people who are in loving relationships right now who are denied their rights, most of whom have to hide their love. Standing up for a freedom to marry is good. Standing up for full marriage equality is better.

Read more »

Posted in: allies,boundaries,brother-sister,consanguineous,freedom to marry,LGBT,media,prejudice,same-sex,siblings,solidarity

Talking About Consanguinamory

There aren't a lot of a good places to seriously discuss consanguinamorous relationships that are FREE to the user and not full of "adult" images. Forums are often overrun with spam, trolls, and other noise; abandoned by the administrators; littered with actual or wanne-be predators; or lacking in worthwhile discussion as users sit around silently waiting for someone to post something that will arouse them.

Kindred Spirits forum continues to have an overall climate of active, quality discourse. That is because of the administrators and the rules they have, and the participants they have attracted. Anyone who wants to read the discussions there had better immediately read and follow the rules.

Here are more examples of the content found there.



A woman in a relationship with her brother, initiated through Genetic Sexual Attraction, wrote after dealing with a mean person in her life...

You know, I always thought I knew what love was, Someone would tell me and i'd be like awww, he/she loves me, that's nice. Since being with my brother he has shown me what true love really is. It's not something I think awww how sweet, It's actually something I feel, in my whole body, He tells me it often, but even if he didn't say the words I'd still feel his love. We chat, we laugh, we play, and even now and then cry for the lost time. We get on so well, I need him like he's the air that I breathe. He understands me, and knows my moods/needs and wants. I feel like I'm wrapped up in a big soft blanket full of love, Something I've never EVER experienced in my life. I've also experienced for the first time ever trust. My exes have all had jealousy of some kind, I've even had it. But with my brother, its the first time I don't feel jealousy, I trust him 100% and he trusts me a 100%. That's a new one for me too. I've never felt so safe and secure as I do now.

She followed up with...

I Love my brother so very much, with all that I have, He's the best thing that's every happened to me. He is my world.
 
GSA, whatever the reason, I'm just so glad I am where I am right now.

She wrote in another discussion...

I had a very interesting chat with [her daughter in her mid teens]. She basically told me she knew of [our] relationship. She also knew we had to 'hide' from everyone outside.

And you know what she said to me? It's very sad mum, because if people could see what I see, it's the most wonderful relationship you have with your brother, it's special, and she said it's wrong that we have to hide, and what a bunch of small minded people there are in the world.

That was a proud moment for me, to know my daughter has the understanding, and not judgmental at all. I then at that point knew I'd done a good job.

There is no good reason they should have to hide. We must keep evolving until we have relationship rights for all, including full marriage equality.

If you want a forum that is specific to Genetic Sexual Attraction, go here.

If you know of other forums worthy of attention, let me know.

For more about siblings, see Ten Myths About Sibling Consanguinamory

Read more »

Posted in: allies,brother-sister,consanguineous,family reaction,GSA,love,prejudice,siblings

Talking About Consanguinamory

There aren't a lot of a good places to seriously discuss consanguinamorous relationships that are FREE to the user and not full of "adult" images. Forums are often overrun with spam, trolls, and other noise; abandoned by the administrators; littered with actual or wanne-be predators; or lacking in worthwhile discussion as users sit around silently waiting for someone to post something that will arouse them.

Kindred Spirits forum continues to have an overall climate of active, quality discourse. That is because of the administrators and the rules they have, and the participants they have attracted. Anyone who wants to read the discussions there had better immediately read and follow the rules.

Here are more examples of the content found there.



A woman in a relationship with her brother, initiated through Genetic Sexual Attraction, wrote after dealing with a mean person in her life...

You know, I always thought I knew what love was, Someone would tell me and i'd be like awww, he/she loves me, that's nice. Since being with my brother he has shown me what true love really is. It's not something I think awww how sweet, It's actually something I feel, in my whole body, He tells me it often, but even if he didn't say the words I'd still feel his love. We chat, we laugh, we play, and even now and then cry for the lost time. We get on so well, I need him like he's the air that I breathe. He understands me, and knows my moods/needs and wants. I feel like I'm wrapped up in a big soft blanket full of love, Something I've never EVER experienced in my life. I've also experienced for the first time ever trust. My exes have all had jealousy of some kind, I've even had it. But with my brother, its the first time I don't feel jealousy, I trust him 100% and he trusts me a 100%. That's a new one for me too. I've never felt so safe and secure as I do now.

She followed up with...

I Love my brother so very much, with all that I have, He's the best thing that's every happened to me. He is my world.
 
GSA, whatever the reason, I'm just so glad I am where I am right now.

She wrote in another discussion...

I had a very interesting chat with [her daughter in her mid teens]. She basically told me she knew of [our] relationship. She also knew we had to 'hide' from everyone outside.

And you know what she said to me? It's very sad mum, because if people could see what I see, it's the most wonderful relationship you have with your brother, it's special, and she said it's wrong that we have to hide, and what a bunch of small minded people there are in the world.

That was a proud moment for me, to know my daughter has the understanding, and not judgmental at all. I then at that point knew I'd done a good job.

There is no good reason they should have to hide. We must keep evolving until we have relationship rights for all, including full marriage equality.

If you want a forum that is specific to Genetic Sexual Attraction, go here.

If you know of other forums worthy of attention, let me know.

For more about siblings, see Ten Myths About Sibling Consanguinamory

Read more »

Posted in: allies,brother-sister,consanguineous,family reaction,GSA,love,prejudice,siblings

Reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act Provides More Protections for More People

President Obama signing the Act.

The Violence Against Women Act, originally passed in 1994, was enacted to protect the abuse victims (both men and women) of domestic violence, sexual assault, and stalking. The original Act passed in 1994 created a National Domestic Violence Hotline, funded shelters that helped abuse victims, funded prosecution efforts, and increased the penalties for abusers.

Reauthorized in 2000 and again in 2005, the Act recently lapsed in 2011. Reauthorization has been stalled in the Legislature due to partisan politics and disagreement over language that would expand protections to immigrants, Native Americans, and the LGBT community.

The House of Representatives finally passed the bill in early 2013 and in March President Obama signed the Act into law, reauthorizing the Violence Against Women Act which again provides protections for victims of abuse. 

Here are some of the additions and expansions associated with the new reauthorization:

• Native American tribes now have the power to prosecute sexual abuse crimes against non-Native Americans. Previously, non-Native Americans who committed acts of abuse against Native Americans were, for all intents and purposes, immune from prosecution because tribal police could not arrest non-Native Americans and neighboring police could not make arrests on Tribal Reservations.  Now Native Americans who are assaulted on reservations can take their claims to the tribal police for prosecution. This is especially important as statistics have shown that Native American women are more than twice as likely to be sexually assaulted than non-Native women.
• Federal funding may now be used for domestic assault, sexual assault and stalking related services geared at protecting gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgender citizens. The new Act includes a non-discrimination provision that prohibits the denial of services based upon race, religion, national origin, sexual orientation or disability. The services and protections for domestic violence victims can now be extended to those people in same-sex relationships.
• Undocumented immigrants can now seek temporary visas for the purpose of prosecuting their abusers.  In the past, there have been issues with undocumented immigrants not reporting instances of abuse due to the fear of being deported.  This expansion of the Act now provides a means for undocumented immigrants to pursue justice against their abusers rather than simply taking the abuse.
• Additional updates to the Act include sections which address our ever-advancing technology, including provisions to protect against spyware and video surveillance.

     The Reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act reinstates much needed protections for the victims of abuse, both men and women. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, around 1.3 million women are assaulted by a partner every year. The law authorizes $659 million dollars over the next five years to fund the programs, shelters, and hotlines necessary in combatting domestic violence, sexual abuse, and stalking.  If you are the victim of abuse, you can call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline 24 hours a day at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).   

www.clarkstonlegal.com

info@clarkstonlegal.com

Read more »

Posted in: assault,civil rights,President Obama,Violence Against Women Act

Polyamorous Consanguinamory in the Caribbean

By my count, this is the twentieth ongoing relationship I've covered through exclusive interviews in which the lovers are denied by prejudices from being open and honest about who they are and who they are to each other, even though these lovers have a spousal relationship.

Ed is a 22-year-old white male from the US state of Pennsylvania, living in the Caribbean. He has an older sister, Jamie, 25 and identical twin sisters, Megan and Stacey who are 20. His mother, Kara, is 41. They all live together. (All names have been changed to protect them from bigotry.) Ed’s family enjoys consanguinamorous polyamory. Ed is active on a certain Big Online Portal question-and-answer service, answering question from the perspective of his relationship experience.

Read this interview with an open mind and ask yourself if there is one good reason their rights to love each other the way they want should be denied.

(The language gets mildly explicit in a couple of places.)

*****

FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe your background.

ED: My father died when I was 4 so my sisters and I grew up with our mother with a substantial fortune he left us. We had a lot of freedom. My father died when the twins were 2 so my mom was busy with them and still worked.




FME: What is your sexual orientation and relationship orientation?

I am straight, but have never been married, however I consider myself in a permanently committed polygamous relationship similar to marriage.

FME: How did your familial relationships become consanguinamorous?

Jamie and I were able to play without supervision a lot, and she started experimenting with me. Our mom was ignorant of our games as far as we knew. It turns out, she did know, she just didn't know how to discuss sex with us. Before we found out mom knew, the twins wanted to "play" with us too. We let them join us and we all had a lot of fun showing them what we had learned so far. Stacey and I have a special connection.

The 4 of us continued all playing together and having sex together, until my mom "caught" us and said we shouldn't do that any more. Mom never really enforced her rule and we just thought we could go on like we were forever. This was our thing we had going, and since we were sharing a room it wasn't about to change.

Mom made the twins and I switch rooms, so I was alone and the girls shared, but that didn't stop my drive. In fact, when I was cuddling with my mother in the evenings, I would try to get somewhere and eventually she would let me make little advances, and then we got further and further. I think at that point she had become almost desperate for physical attention from a male that she was really enjoying the attention I gave her.

Granted, I still did what I could with my sisters some times, but having my own room I targeted the closest access to sexual attention that I had. It was strange at the time because mom would accept what we did at night, but never acknowledge it during the day or around the girls at first. But then she opened up a lot. I finally got her to let me penetrate her and I went crazy with anxiety. I think it was the most intense orgasm I’d had to that day. The first time I had sex with her is something I would never forget.

Over a couple of months I guess mom became more and more accustomed to the idea of what we had been doing. She got braver and would do things with me during the day on the weekends. She would let me spend more time in my sister's room and even encouraged us all to stay nude at home pretty much all the time.

I got Jamie pregnant. We never had to say that it was my baby, but both of us wanted to try and raise her with mom's help. However, Mom thought it best to have an adoption. Thankfully a couple in the Caribbean was ready to adopt and keep our secret. Our daughter's adoptive parents know who we are, but don't reveal our true secret to her and now we live down the street from them as "friends of the family".

Jamie ended up dating after she delivered our daughter. She got pregnant by another guy and married him, but the marriage didn’t last. Then I got Mom pregnant. This was easy enough to pass off to others as the result of a one night stand, and we kept her.

Did you think any of this was wrong? Do you feel it is taboo or kinky?

I don't think I ever felt adverse to the actions any of us took. For me, growing up the way I did with my sister, sexual games were just a normal yet exciting, fun thing.

I have always thought of us as so completely natural, however, there have been a lot of times when I think about the social taboo of it all which makes it very kinky. Usually though, there is nothing taboo to us.

The other kinks involved would probably be the fact that we have sex as a group.

How do you and your siblings and mother see each other? As lovers, as siblings, as mother and son, or what?

We cannot separate our relationships as siblings or mother/son from our sexual relationships at this point.  It is just something that goes hand in hand.


Does anyone else know the full nature of your relationships, and if so, how have they reacted? Do you act as lovers in public?

A few of Stacey's friends found out about us once, but those rumors were squashed quickly. My maternal grandmother knows about our lives a little and disapproves, but she has been out of touch for a while.

Unfortunately, we were not able to act like a couple in public. That used to upset us, but we knew how people reacted to it. We all accepted that it was for the best that we kept our secrets at home.

Most people today know each of us as a couple. In public we live as though Stacey and I are lovers, mom is Stacy's mom and Meg lives with them, and Jamie is a roommate. Almost as if Jamie and I are not part of the family. The only steps we really have had to take is with Ashley's adoption, putting down rumors of Stacey and I and then moving to the island together.


What are the advantages and disadvantages of your relationships?

We completely understand the social dynamic we face. We have always accepted that the relationships we have will not be accepted in the modern world and we can be happy without publicizing our love. It is between us, not the rest of the world, but we are happy to share with those who will not be harshly judgemental.

On the other hand, the advantages we have as being siblings is that we have years of experience together. We are inseparable from each other. The same with mom. I couldn't imagine having the connection with another partner that I have with her. She knows every inch of my body and she knows exactly how to care for it in every way. I do everything I can to keep them happy as the only male lover, and they all treat each other the same way as lovers.


What do you want to say to those who don’t approve?

To those who don't approve: Get over it. It is not your business. We love with the same feelings, just with people you usually wouldn't do it with. We are not asking you to recognize us as "married" just don't tell us we are horrible and disgusting because you don't understand. Everyone has their perfect partners, and we found ours right at home.

There is no reason to interpret this multi -person relationship as "wrong". We care for and love each other, til the ends of the earth. We protect each other like family and care for each other as lovers. It is the best of both worlds.

The only time these relationships are wrong is when a person is forced or coerced. Any person consenting to sex should be completely informed. People should be able to know what the possible consequences are to their actions and know that having a child is not a short term situation. Education is the key. However, having a child is an amazing experience and worth every minute.


Speaking of children, how are the children?

The kids are perfectly healthy, and very smart. We actually had blood work done a couple years back. As far as we could tell, we don't have any detrimental recessive traits.


What advice do you have for others who might be entering into a situation like this?

I strongly suggest talking these things out. I would not change my life for the world, however, I have seen a lot of people react negatively to sexual activity between family members. The most important thing to remember is, even if you do not continue the relationship sexually, it's not anything to be ashamed of or guilty about. It is just another event in your life that made you who you are. It can be wonderful to know your sibling or even parent that way, but you must make the call together, equally. That is how any relationship should work.


What do you want to say to those who don’t believe this is a real situation?

Those who don't want to believe our situation is real are free to think what they want. It's probably best for someone like that to disbelieve than to take it seriously and try to report my mom for her involvement. So I am comfortable with not being believed.



Any plans for the future?

My sisters all want to have children, and my mom has considered 1 more, but she is running out of time. I don't know what else the future will bring, but it looks exciting.


*****


There you have it. Consenting adults who but should be free to pursue their relationship, whatever form it will take.

Why should they be denied their rights? There’s no good reason.We need to adopt full marriage equality sooner rather than later, so that an adult is free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage any and all consenting adults. Real people are being hurt because of a denial of their basic human rights to love each other freely.

You can read other interviews I have done here, including my interview with the polyamorous consanguinamorous marriage that originally inspired me to blog.

If you are in a relationship like this and are looking for help or others you can talk with, read this.

If you are a family member or friend of someone who is in or may be in such a relationship, please read this.

Thank you to Ed for providing this look into the love he shares.

Read more »

Posted in: bisexual,boundaries,brother-sister,children,consanguineous,family reaction,group,love,mother-son,PCM,polyamory,polygyny,pregnancy,same-sex,sister-sister

Polyamorous Consanguinamory in the Caribbean

By my count, this is the twentieth ongoing relationship I've covered through exclusive interviews in which the lovers are denied by prejudices from being open and honest about who they are and who they are to each other, even though these lovers have a spousal relationship.

Ed is a 22-year-old white male from the US state of Pennsylvania, living in the Caribbean. He has an older sister, Jamie, 25 and identical twin sisters, Megan and Stacey who are 20. His mother, Kara, is 41. They all live together. (All names have been changed to protect them from bigotry.) Ed’s family enjoys consanguinamorous polyamory. Ed is active on a certain Big Online Portal question-and-answer service, answering question from the perspective of his relationship experience.

Read this interview with an open mind and ask yourself if there is one good reason their rights to love each other the way they want should be denied.

(The language gets mildly explicit in a couple of places.)

*****

FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe your background.

ED: My father died when I was 4 so my sisters and I grew up with our mother with a substantial fortune he left us. We had a lot of freedom. My father died when the twins were 2 so my mom was busy with them and still worked.




FME: What is your sexual orientation and relationship orientation?

I am straight, but have never been married, however I consider myself in a permanently committed polygamous relationship similar to marriage.

FME: How did your familial relationships become consanguinamorous?

Jamie and I were able to play without supervision a lot, and she started experimenting with me. Our mom was ignorant of our games as far as we knew. It turns out, she did know, she just didn't know how to discuss sex with us. Before we found out mom knew, the twins wanted to "play" with us too. We let them join us and we all had a lot of fun showing them what we had learned so far. Stacey and I have a special connection.

The 4 of us continued all playing together and having sex together, until my mom "caught" us and said we shouldn't do that any more. Mom never really enforced her rule and we just thought we could go on like we were forever. This was our thing we had going, and since we were sharing a room it wasn't about to change.

Mom made the twins and I switch rooms, so I was alone and the girls shared, but that didn't stop my drive. In fact, when I was cuddling with my mother in the evenings, I would try to get somewhere and eventually she would let me make little advances, and then we got further and further. I think at that point she had become almost desperate for physical attention from a male that she was really enjoying the attention I gave her.

Granted, I still did what I could with my sisters some times, but having my own room I targeted the closest access to sexual attention that I had. It was strange at the time because mom would accept what we did at night, but never acknowledge it during the day or around the girls at first. But then she opened up a lot. I finally got her to let me penetrate her and I went crazy with anxiety. I think it was the most intense orgasm I’d had to that day. The first time I had sex with her is something I would never forget.

Over a couple of months I guess mom became more and more accustomed to the idea of what we had been doing. She got braver and would do things with me during the day on the weekends. She would let me spend more time in my sister's room and even encouraged us all to stay nude at home pretty much all the time.

I got Jamie pregnant. We never had to say that it was my baby, but both of us wanted to try and raise her with mom's help. However, Mom thought it best to have an adoption. Thankfully a couple in the Caribbean was ready to adopt and keep our secret. Our daughter's adoptive parents know who we are, but don't reveal our true secret to her and now we live down the street from them as "friends of the family".

Jamie ended up dating after she delivered our daughter. She got pregnant by another guy and married him, but the marriage didn’t last. Then I got Mom pregnant. This was easy enough to pass off to others as the result of a one night stand, and we kept her.

Did you think any of this was wrong? Do you feel it is taboo or kinky?

I don't think I ever felt adverse to the actions any of us took. For me, growing up the way I did with my sister, sexual games were just a normal yet exciting, fun thing.

I have always thought of us as so completely natural, however, there have been a lot of times when I think about the social taboo of it all which makes it very kinky. Usually though, there is nothing taboo to us.

The other kinks involved would probably be the fact that we have sex as a group.

How do you and your siblings and mother see each other? As lovers, as siblings, as mother and son, or what?

We cannot separate our relationships as siblings or mother/son from our sexual relationships at this point.  It is just something that goes hand in hand.


Does anyone else know the full nature of your relationships, and if so, how have they reacted? Do you act as lovers in public?

A few of Stacey's friends found out about us once, but those rumors were squashed quickly. My maternal grandmother knows about our lives a little and disapproves, but she has been out of touch for a while.

Unfortunately, we were not able to act like a couple in public. That used to upset us, but we knew how people reacted to it. We all accepted that it was for the best that we kept our secrets at home.

Most people today know each of us as a couple. In public we live as though Stacey and I are lovers, mom is Stacy's mom and Meg lives with them, and Jamie is a roommate. Almost as if Jamie and I are not part of the family. The only steps we really have had to take is with Ashley's adoption, putting down rumors of Stacey and I and then moving to the island together.


What are the advantages and disadvantages of your relationships?

We completely understand the social dynamic we face. We have always accepted that the relationships we have will not be accepted in the modern world and we can be happy without publicizing our love. It is between us, not the rest of the world, but we are happy to share with those who will not be harshly judgemental.

On the other hand, the advantages we have as being siblings is that we have years of experience together. We are inseparable from each other. The same with mom. I couldn't imagine having the connection with another partner that I have with her. She knows every inch of my body and she knows exactly how to care for it in every way. I do everything I can to keep them happy as the only male lover, and they all treat each other the same way as lovers.


What do you want to say to those who don’t approve?

To those who don't approve: Get over it. It is not your business. We love with the same feelings, just with people you usually wouldn't do it with. We are not asking you to recognize us as "married" just don't tell us we are horrible and disgusting because you don't understand. Everyone has their perfect partners, and we found ours right at home.

There is no reason to interpret this multi -person relationship as "wrong". We care for and love each other, til the ends of the earth. We protect each other like family and care for each other as lovers. It is the best of both worlds.

The only time these relationships are wrong is when a person is forced or coerced. Any person consenting to sex should be completely informed. People should be able to know what the possible consequences are to their actions and know that having a child is not a short term situation. Education is the key. However, having a child is an amazing experience and worth every minute.


Speaking of children, how are the children?

The kids are perfectly healthy, and very smart. We actually had blood work done a couple years back. As far as we could tell, we don't have any detrimental recessive traits.


What advice do you have for others who might be entering into a situation like this?

I strongly suggest talking these things out. I would not change my life for the world, however, I have seen a lot of people react negatively to sexual activity between family members. The most important thing to remember is, even if you do not continue the relationship sexually, it's not anything to be ashamed of or guilty about. It is just another event in your life that made you who you are. It can be wonderful to know your sibling or even parent that way, but you must make the call together, equally. That is how any relationship should work.


What do you want to say to those who don’t believe this is a real situation?

Those who don't want to believe our situation is real are free to think what they want. It's probably best for someone like that to disbelieve than to take it seriously and try to report my mom for her involvement. So I am comfortable with not being believed.



Any plans for the future?

My sisters all want to have children, and my mom has considered 1 more, but she is running out of time. I don't know what else the future will bring, but it looks exciting.


*****


There you have it. Consenting adults who but should be free to pursue their relationship, whatever form it will take.

Why should they be denied their rights? There’s no good reason.We need to adopt full marriage equality sooner rather than later, so that an adult is free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage any and all consenting adults. Real people are being hurt because of a denial of their basic human rights to love each other freely.

You can read other interviews I have done here, including my interview with the polyamorous consanguinamorous marriage that originally inspired me to blog.

If you are in a relationship like this and are looking for help or others you can talk with, read this.

If you are a family member or friend of someone who is in or may be in such a relationship, please read this.

Thank you to Ed for providing this look into the love he shares.

Read more »

Posted in: bisexual,boundaries,brother-sister,children,consanguineous,family reaction,group,love,mother-son,PCM,polyamory,polygyny,pregnancy,same-sex,sister-sister

You Get What You Pay For With Divorce Lawyers

Over the past several years, we here at the Law Blogger have noted several catchy marketing schemes involving divorce lawyers, especially from New York.  These schemes involve a bait and switch by promising a quick result for cheap, or just offering a divorce for an impossibly low fee.

Key word: impossible; at least in most cases. 

The first campaign we noted was touted in Manhattan as the "one-hour-divorce" for about $500.  For the low fee, clients meet with a paralegal and lawyer at the NYC firm to provide their personal information.  The details of their settlement are also, briefly, discussed.

The clients are next provided a ten dollar gift certificate to either McDonald's or Starbucks to burn-up the last hour of their ill-fated marriage while the law office prepares the canned document package for a "one-size-fits-all" divorce.

You cannot have issues, however, or it will cost you extra. The basic premise is that the divorce has to be absolutely 100% "pro confesso" (i.e. uncontested). Basic input is collected from the client and a set of pleadings are prepared within the alotted hour. A standard judgment is generated and executed for entry and filing with the court at the appropriate time, usually six months.

Hopefully nothing changes during the statutory wait period, or all bets are off. Also, under general rules of legal ethics, the firm could not represent both parties to the divorce; but they've apparently figured out which one is their "client".

If the divorcing couple has children, property, or needs support, these issues can be handled in an hour; but will cost more than double. A Prenuptial agreement would all but disqualify the client from the discount program, although a "conventional" divorce would still be available.

Not to be outdone, there is a storefront in Brooklyn that has a sign advertising divorce for $399.  It turns out that this storefront is not a law firm, but rather the office of a paralegal that merely acts as a scrivener for the divorce forms required by New York state laws. 

For the stated fee, the paralegals will assist you in the completion and filing of the forms which are then filed with the court.  Then, it's "up to the judge".  Translation: you are on your own.

This advertised fee is also a classic bait and switch.  Not only are there extra fees for just about everything, you also need to pay filing costs and court fees. 

Apparently, the idea behind the sign is to get you in the door for the advertised low fee.  Once inside, then you learn that you, like 99% of the rest of the population, do not qualify for the low fee, but for a few hundred more bucks, they will take care of you.

It is "buyer beware" for these outfits for sure.

Here in Oakland County, we here at the Law Blogger and at Clarkston Legal, believe that the most important asset of any divorce lawyer is their reputation.  If the attorney is experienced and gets good results, it will be reflected in their fees.

www.clarkstonlegal.com
info@clarkstonlegal.com

Read more »

Posted in: Brooklyn,child custody,divorce,divorce lawyer,legal fees,marital estate,New York City,Oakland County

Misrepresenting Polyamorists

All too often headlines are written in a way so as to impugn polygamy or some form of polyamory, like "Polygamist Arrested for Murder" or something along those lines. We never see headlines like "Monogamist Arrested for Murder." Whether someone commits crimes are not is usually not related to whether they person is a monogamist or a polyamorist of some sort, including being a polygamist.

A recent example is a criminal case of out England involving someone portrayed as a polyamorist. It's a good thing that some people are speaking up about this, like Charlie Hallam who wrote a great piece published at newstatesman.com...

One of the things about living as a member of a minority social group is that you tend to be on the lookout for things in the news that might affect how people think of you. It's not just about curiosity - it's also about fear, and pain. It's about the experience, time and again, of saying who you are and how you live and love, and being met with fear, confusion, misinformation and disgust.

Now, another news source has found another way in which the Philpott family can be used to demonstrate how a particular group of people are depraved.

Bashing "others" is nothing new, unfortunately.

For example, the article claims that polyamorous relationships subordinate women. But Dr Christine Campbell, Senior Lecturer in Psychology at St Mary's University College, says: "This is absolutely without foundation. There is no research which has found this to my knowledge. In fact the most common poly relationships are found between homosexual men. Research suggests that at least 50 per cent of gay male relationships are consensually non-monogamous in some form or another (some estimates put it as high as 75 per cent) . . . Who takes advantage of whom in a same-sex poly relationship?"

Sarah Brown, Lib Dem councillor for Cambridge, told me: "The BBC's article paints a very inaccurate view of polyamory. The concentration on women being 'pressured' into them by men ignores the existence of all-women polyamorous relationships, such as mine, as well as a number of other kind of poly relationship structures. Polyamorous relationships take many diverse forms. The idea that it's all about a man having a harem is an unhelpful stereotype. The issue here isn't polyamory. The issue here is abusive relationships, and most of those involve only two people."

Yes, let's not forget that supposedly monogamous relationships are sometimes abusive ones.

Dr Thom Brooks, the academic approached for the BBC piece, is not an expert on polyamory, and was according to his twitter feed unaware of the purpose of the piece in which he's quoted. Throughout the piece, the terms polyamory and polygamy are used interchangably, and the title of the piece, 'Philpott fire deaths trial shines light on polyamory', clearly implies a link between ethical non-monogamous polyamory such as my family with the actions that led to the deaths of six children.

Polyamorists shouldn't be misrepresented, nor stereotyped. Most aren't polygamists. Some are abusers or otherwise criminal. Others are great citizens and may be people you love, respect, and admire. Polyamorists are a very diverse sociological group. As far as lies about polygamy, see this entry.

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Posted in: media,myths,polyamory,polygamy,polygyny,prejudice,stigma,UK