Will Red Wing Take Flight?

Roger Friedman reports at showbiz411.com that Terrance Malick has produced his stepson's film, one with an "incest" theme. But it really isn't. After saying Malick's track record of late has been bad, Friedman writes...

Now Malick has executive produced a film for his stepson, Will Wallace.

An Executive Producer is usually pretty much just a bankroll. That's an important person, but usually not a creative force in the production of a movie.

Will is the son of Malick wife Alexandra “Ecky” Wallace. “Red Wing” is based on a novella by French literary giantess George Sand called “Francois le Champi.” The story is one of incest, which seems to be hammered home in the new clip for “Red Wing.”

Here's where readers think Incest? Really? Hmm.

A young married mother takes in a homeless little boy. Her husband gets rid of him when he’s older because the mother-son relationship is too close. Later, the kid, now a hunk played by Glen Powell– billed as the last actor signed by Ed Limato– comes back and romances and marries the foster mother.

Ah. That's not really incest, but I can see that all of the people who think they know how everyone else's love lives should be would call it such. They can get their "this is strange" judgment label attached simply enough.

Let’s hope this comes to Toronto. Last year “To the Wonder” played there, and it was a memorable screening.

Here's the trailer...



What are your thoughts, dear reader? If you see the film, or have read the novella, or have actually been in a situation anything like this, it would be especially good to hear from you.

It would be good to see more movies where a romance is treated seriously and with respect even if it isn't "cisgendered late 20s-early30s heterosexual guy meets a year-or-two-younger cisgendered heterosexual woman of same race, vanilla monogamy follows."

Read more »

Posted in: family reaction,incest,media,mother-son,stigma

Father and Daughter Imprisoned in Ghana

What really happened in Ghana? We may never know. This is the report published by myjoyonline.com...

A 40-year-old driver and his daughter have been remanded into prison custody by a Kumasi Circuit court for engaging in sexual relations.

So both were arrested.

The 20-year-old lady told Nhyira FM’s Ewiase mu Nsem her father; Kojo Mintah threatened her with the Antoa deity into having sex with her about ten times over a period of one year.

But officials of the Zongo police Domestic Violent and Victim Support Unit decided to charge the two with incest because preliminary investigations indicate the two adults consented to the act.

Claims of assault should be taken seriously. Unfortunately, there is a possible motivation to claimed to have been assaulted when consensual sex can bring criminal prosecution.

Doreen Mensah, who is a JHS leaver, told Luv FM’s Erastus Asare Donkor that her father started having sex with her after the death of her mother.

Meanwhile, her father told Luv News he was seduced by the daughter.

Throwing someone half your age under the bus is not much of a defense, and a rotten thing to do.

He however felt sorry for the daughter, saying if knowledge of their amorous relationship gets to the public she could be antagonized.

Sadly, yes. It is ridiculous, but people are still persecuted for having consensual sex.

Detective Inspector Donatus Dickson Torda of Zongo DOVVSU told Lu News Section 105(a) Subsection II of the Criminal Code mandates the arrest of a victim of incest if he or she is above 16 years.

“She is of age, an adult…because she knows that the father is her close blood relation and the father too knows that she is his daughter, and when you go into the law, the two should be charged.”

A clear distinction needs to be made between consensual sex and assault/abuse. There are no "victims" in consensual sex. But people who have been assaulted should not be prosecuted at all. What went on here? We don't know. If this was a situation of coercion or force, she should not be banded a criminal, but he should have the book thrown at him. If this was consensual sex, it shouldn't be a criminal matter at all.

Read more »

Posted in: consanguineous,father-daughter,Ghana,incest,law,prosecution,stigma

Father and Daughter Imprisoned in Ghana

What really happened in Ghana? We may never know. This is the report published by myjoyonline.com...

A 40-year-old driver and his daughter have been remanded into prison custody by a Kumasi Circuit court for engaging in sexual relations.

So both were arrested.

The 20-year-old lady told Nhyira FM’s Ewiase mu Nsem her father; Kojo Mintah threatened her with the Antoa deity into having sex with her about ten times over a period of one year.

But officials of the Zongo police Domestic Violent and Victim Support Unit decided to charge the two with incest because preliminary investigations indicate the two adults consented to the act.

Claims of assault should be taken seriously. Unfortunately, there is a possible motivation to claimed to have been assaulted when consensual sex can bring criminal prosecution.

Doreen Mensah, who is a JHS leaver, told Luv FM’s Erastus Asare Donkor that her father started having sex with her after the death of her mother.

Meanwhile, her father told Luv News he was seduced by the daughter.

Throwing someone half your age under the bus is not much of a defense, and a rotten thing to do.

He however felt sorry for the daughter, saying if knowledge of their amorous relationship gets to the public she could be antagonized.

Sadly, yes. It is ridiculous, but people are still persecuted for having consensual sex.

Detective Inspector Donatus Dickson Torda of Zongo DOVVSU told Lu News Section 105(a) Subsection II of the Criminal Code mandates the arrest of a victim of incest if he or she is above 16 years.

“She is of age, an adult…because she knows that the father is her close blood relation and the father too knows that she is his daughter, and when you go into the law, the two should be charged.”

A clear distinction needs to be made between consensual sex and assault/abuse. There are no "victims" in consensual sex. But people who have been assaulted should not be prosecuted at all. What went on here? We don't know. If this was a situation of coercion or force, she should not be banded a criminal, but he should have the book thrown at him. If this was consensual sex, it shouldn't be a criminal matter at all.

Read more »

Posted in: consanguineous,father-daughter,Ghana,incest,law,prosecution,stigma

Congratulations to England and Wales

Congratulations to all of the couples who will now be able to marry in England and Wales! Thanks to Queen Elizabeth II and all who have said "YES!" to the limited same-gender freedom to marry.

Let's keep evolving towards full marriage equality across the UK and worldwide. There are so many people who are still being denied their rights to marry, or even just love, the person(s) they love.

Read more »

Posted in: freedom to marry,LGBT,same-sex,UK

Congratulations to England and Wales

Congratulations to all of the couples who will now be able to marry in England and Wales! Thanks to Queen Elizabeth II and all who have said "YES!" to the limited same-gender freedom to marry.

Let's keep evolving towards full marriage equality across the UK and worldwide. There are so many people who are still being denied their rights to marry, or even just love, the person(s) they love.

Read more »

Posted in: freedom to marry,LGBT,same-sex,UK

Kent Greenfield Writes Like an Ally For Full Marriage Equality

At the American Prospect, Kent Greenfield sees the logic in supporting full marriage equality. Good for him!

As a matter of constitutional rationale, there is indeed a slippery slope between recognizing same-sex marriages and allowing marriages among more than two people and between consenting adults who are related. If we don’t want to go there, we need to come up with distinctions that we have not yet articulated well.

Rather than struggling to concoct convoluted schemes for determining which adults will get their rights and which won't, how about doing the simple, honest, and fair thing of actually supporting equality?

What it boils down to is that when the government wants to exclude groups from something important like marriage, it has to show good reasons for the exclusion. And prejudice—simply thinking something is “icky”—doesn’t count as a reason.

Correct. That is Discredited Argument #1.

In private conversations with leaders in the marriage movement, I often hear two responses. The first is that there is no political energy behind a fight for incestuous or polygamous marriages.

That is more or less Discredited Argument #3. How many Vietnamese were there in the US when African-Americans fought for civil rights based on race? Not a lot, but does that mean the Vietnamese Americans shouldn't have their rights?

The second is that they would be fine if those restrictions fell as well but, in effect, “don’t quote me on that.” 

Yes, I get that, too.

Greenfield then goes on to go over what the objections are to full marriage equality, especially relating to the polygamous and consanguineous freedoms to marry, doing a good job of exposing Discredited Arguments #1, 6, 8, 9, 17, and 18.

Polygamy and Incest are Choices.

If the coercion argument doesn’t persuade, we could swing the other way and say sexual orientation is hard wired, but polygamy and incest are choices. In equal-protection analysis, the Court has suggested that discrimination based on immutable characteristics is more suspect, meaning the government has to show a more significant justification for the classification.

But arguments from immutability are awkward in this context. Maybe I am speaking out of school here, but arguments for marriage equality do not really depend on the claim that people have no choice about who they are. Rather, the argument that resonates most with Americans is that LGBTQ people have the same right to make choices about their families as straight people. Let’s be honest: If science revealed tomorrow that sexual orientation is fluid and changeable, the arguments in favor of marriage equality would essentially be the same, wouldn’t they? Just like our arguments for religious liberty do not depend on whether people are destined by biology to be a Methodist, our arguments about the liberty to marry need not depend on science. In any event, if we throw all our eggs in the “it’s about the hardwiring” basket, are we sure we have made the distinction we want? Are we confident that science will show that people who are polyamorous or who are attracted to a cousin are not hardwired that way?

Some people are people who are polyamorous as who they are. We also do not choose who are genetic relatives are going to be. So, we are born that way.

LGBTQ Groups are Less Politically Powerful.

The conventional view of the equal protection clause is that it empowers courts to step in to protect—in the words of the leading Supreme Court case on point—“discrete and insular” groups that are systemically disadvantaged in the political process. So to make this argument, we’d have to say that gay-rights groups are less influential in mainstream politics than those who advocate for polyamory and consensual incest. That seems flat wrong. Political successes with regard to same-sex marriage are only recent, to be sure. But the political trend is clear, and marriage equality will be a reality for most same-sex couples in America in the foreseeable future. If anything, the argument from political disenfranchisement cuts the other way—that polygamous and incestuous couples deserve more constitutional protection than same-sex couples.

It's very simple. We need to adopt into law something along the lines of the Marriage Equality Amendment. That is a statement of equality rather than division, othering, and discrimination. I call on the progressive states to take the lead and set an example in their own law, and thereby reaping the financial benefits of more weddings.

Read more »

Posted in: allies,boundaries,consanguineous,freedom to marry,incest,law,LGBT,marriage equality,media,myths,polyamory,polygamy,prejudice,solidarity

Kent Greenfield Writes Like an Ally For Full Marriage Equality

At the American Prospect, Kent Greenfield sees the logic in supporting full marriage equality. Good for him!

As a matter of constitutional rationale, there is indeed a slippery slope between recognizing same-sex marriages and allowing marriages among more than two people and between consenting adults who are related. If we don’t want to go there, we need to come up with distinctions that we have not yet articulated well.

Rather than struggling to concoct convoluted schemes for determining which adults will get their rights and which won't, how about doing the simple, honest, and fair thing of actually supporting equality?

What it boils down to is that when the government wants to exclude groups from something important like marriage, it has to show good reasons for the exclusion. And prejudice—simply thinking something is “icky”—doesn’t count as a reason.

Correct. That is Discredited Argument #1.

In private conversations with leaders in the marriage movement, I often hear two responses. The first is that there is no political energy behind a fight for incestuous or polygamous marriages.

That is more or less Discredited Argument #3. How many Vietnamese were there in the US when African-Americans fought for civil rights based on race? Not a lot, but does that mean the Vietnamese Americans shouldn't have their rights?

The second is that they would be fine if those restrictions fell as well but, in effect, “don’t quote me on that.” 

Yes, I get that, too.

Greenfield then goes on to go over what the objections are to full marriage equality, especially relating to the polygamous and consanguineous freedoms to marry, doing a good job of exposing Discredited Arguments #1, 6, 8, 9, 17, and 18.

Polygamy and Incest are Choices.

If the coercion argument doesn’t persuade, we could swing the other way and say sexual orientation is hard wired, but polygamy and incest are choices. In equal-protection analysis, the Court has suggested that discrimination based on immutable characteristics is more suspect, meaning the government has to show a more significant justification for the classification.

But arguments from immutability are awkward in this context. Maybe I am speaking out of school here, but arguments for marriage equality do not really depend on the claim that people have no choice about who they are. Rather, the argument that resonates most with Americans is that LGBTQ people have the same right to make choices about their families as straight people. Let’s be honest: If science revealed tomorrow that sexual orientation is fluid and changeable, the arguments in favor of marriage equality would essentially be the same, wouldn’t they? Just like our arguments for religious liberty do not depend on whether people are destined by biology to be a Methodist, our arguments about the liberty to marry need not depend on science. In any event, if we throw all our eggs in the “it’s about the hardwiring” basket, are we sure we have made the distinction we want? Are we confident that science will show that people who are polyamorous or who are attracted to a cousin are not hardwired that way?

Some people are people who are polyamorous as who they are. We also do not choose who are genetic relatives are going to be. So, we are born that way.

LGBTQ Groups are Less Politically Powerful.

The conventional view of the equal protection clause is that it empowers courts to step in to protect—in the words of the leading Supreme Court case on point—“discrete and insular” groups that are systemically disadvantaged in the political process. So to make this argument, we’d have to say that gay-rights groups are less influential in mainstream politics than those who advocate for polyamory and consensual incest. That seems flat wrong. Political successes with regard to same-sex marriage are only recent, to be sure. But the political trend is clear, and marriage equality will be a reality for most same-sex couples in America in the foreseeable future. If anything, the argument from political disenfranchisement cuts the other way—that polygamous and incestuous couples deserve more constitutional protection than same-sex couples.

It's very simple. We need to adopt into law something along the lines of the Marriage Equality Amendment. That is a statement of equality rather than division, othering, and discrimination. I call on the progressive states to take the lead and set an example in their own law, and thereby reaping the financial benefits of more weddings.

Read more »

Posted in: allies,boundaries,consanguineous,freedom to marry,incest,law,LGBT,marriage equality,media,myths,polyamory,polygamy,prejudice,solidarity

Support Freedom, Fight Abuse

Andreea Nica has a piece at huffingtonpost.com under the headline of "Relationships: It's a Matter of Choice." This is the start...

Any relationship construct has the ability to create an oppressive environment. Whether the construct identifies as monogamous, polyamorous, polygamous, polyandrous or any other relational form, abuse can exist within each and every one of these relationships.

Yes. Thank you! Much of the piece discusses isolated, patriarchal polygyny-only communities with abusive leaders.

As shown on Sister Wives, the four teens residing at Holding out Help met up with the Brown Family to witness a better example of a polygamist family. By the end of their visit, the teens who escaped their abusive situations, found the Brown family to be a healthier and more positive family unit than their own. Despite their approval of the Brown family, all of the teens still stated they wouldn't be part of a polygamous construct again.

That is their choice to make. There are many people who say they do not want to get married at all, having grown up in situations where they saw marriage as part of the problem.

This poses the question: Should the public accept the faith and choice of a relational dynamic if mental, relational, and personal health is compromised? As a proponent of the freedom to choose alternative forms of relationship, the expectation is that all parties involved find liberation through addressing fundamental matters around equality and agency; free from oppressive religious and ideological systems.

The issue, it seems to me, is domestic abuse, including child abuse.

Some women are going to freely choose polygyny, and they should be free to do so, as long as there are domestic violence protections under the law, and as long as those women legitimately have the freedom to NOT marry at all, to divorce, or to marry a woman, or two men, etc.

Polyamory in its various forms, including the various forms of polygamy, has always been around and it is not going away. It is coming out of the closet and will not be going back in. We must move forward to full marriage equality and relationship rights for all adults. Abuse will be easier to stop if we do not criminalize consensual relationships.

Read more »

Posted in: children,freedom to marry,media,polyamory,polygamy,polygyny,Sister Wives,stigma

Support Freedom, Fight Abuse

Andreea Nica has a piece at huffingtonpost.com under the headline of "Relationships: It's a Matter of Choice." This is the start...

Any relationship construct has the ability to create an oppressive environment. Whether the construct identifies as monogamous, polyamorous, polygamous, polyandrous or any other relational form, abuse can exist within each and every one of these relationships.

Yes. Thank you! Much of the piece discusses isolated, patriarchal polygyny-only communities with abusive leaders.

As shown on Sister Wives, the four teens residing at Holding out Help met up with the Brown Family to witness a better example of a polygamist family. By the end of their visit, the teens who escaped their abusive situations, found the Brown family to be a healthier and more positive family unit than their own. Despite their approval of the Brown family, all of the teens still stated they wouldn't be part of a polygamous construct again.

That is their choice to make. There are many people who say they do not want to get married at all, having grown up in situations where they saw marriage as part of the problem.

This poses the question: Should the public accept the faith and choice of a relational dynamic if mental, relational, and personal health is compromised? As a proponent of the freedom to choose alternative forms of relationship, the expectation is that all parties involved find liberation through addressing fundamental matters around equality and agency; free from oppressive religious and ideological systems.

The issue, it seems to me, is domestic abuse, including child abuse.

Some women are going to freely choose polygyny, and they should be free to do so, as long as there are domestic violence protections under the law, and as long as those women legitimately have the freedom to NOT marry at all, to divorce, or to marry a woman, or two men, etc.

Polyamory in its various forms, including the various forms of polygamy, has always been around and it is not going away. It is coming out of the closet and will not be going back in. We must move forward to full marriage equality and relationship rights for all adults. Abuse will be easier to stop if we do not criminalize consensual relationships.

Read more »

Posted in: children,freedom to marry,media,polyamory,polygamy,polygyny,Sister Wives,stigma

Zimmerman Acquitted of All Charges

George Zimmerman awaits his fate yesterday.

As criminal defense lawyers, we here at the Law Blogger can certainly understand the exhilaration of a big defense win.  As parents, we also understand the slap in the face that this is to the parents and family of Trayvon Martin.

The all-female Seminole County jury elected to work into the weekend, deliberating on Friday night and into Saturday, before finding the accused neighborhood watchman not guilty of second degree murder and manslaughter.

You know the case; the self-appointed night watchman has a confrontation with Trayvon Martin, a teenager whose father lived in the community Zimmerman was patrolling.  The case featured Florida's so-called "stand-your-ground" self-defense statute and acquired a civil rights dimension due to the alleged racial profiling component of Zimmerman's actions.

Even President Obama publicly commented on the proceedings, remarking that if he had a son, he would look like Trayvon Martin.  Here in the 313, the Coalition Against Police Brutality has planned a public protest of the verdict.  Demonstrations erupted, briefly, in streets of Los Angeles, CA, when news of the verdict broke.

www.clarkstonlegal.com

Read more »

Posted in: criminal defense lawyer,George Zimmerman,homicide,President Obama,second degree murder,Trayvon Martin

Will Carlisle Crown Court Punish Adults For Consensual Sex?

Many people are rightly shocked to learn that consensual sex between adults can still considered a criminal act in many supposedly modern places, and that people continue to be prosecuted for such a "crime." From newsandstar.co.uk comes this short report about two consenting adults being prosecuted in England for having consensual sex with each other.

A father and daughter are to go on trial accused of incest.

This shouldn't be a crime, unless we are talking about abusing minors.

Fifty-year-old Frank Christopher Humphreys and his 22-year-old daughter Eleanor Jackson deny the charge and will go on trial later in the year at Carlisle Crown Court.
The two, from Cleator Moor, are accused of consensual sex between December 2011 and February 2012.

Why is this a criminal matter?

Humphreys is accused of having sex with his daughter “knowing that she was related to you in that way.” Jackson faces a similar charge.

So who is the victim???

Both denied the offence when they appeared before magistrates in Workington.
The case was sent to Carlisle Crown Court to be next heard on September 30.

Carlisle is in Cumbria, England.

I wonder how this became a criminal matter? Did someone rat them out? I also notice she had a different last name. Is that a married name, or did she grow up apart from him, likely making this a matter of Genetic Sexual Attraction?

No matter who doesn't like the idea, these two should be free to love each other any way they want. Instead of being prosecuted, they should be offered marriage. What a waste of government resources this prosecution is. Outrageous.

Read more »

Posted in: breaking up homes,consanguineous,courts,father-daughter,GSA,incest,lack of equality harms,law,prejudice,prosecution,UK

Will Carlisle Crown Court Punish Adults For Consensual Sex?

Many people are rightly shocked to learn that consensual sex between adults can still considered a criminal act in many supposedly modern places, and that people continue to be prosecuted for such a "crime." From newsandstar.co.uk comes this short report about two consenting adults being prosecuted in England for having consensual sex with each other.

A father and daughter are to go on trial accused of incest.

This shouldn't be a crime, unless we are talking about abusing minors.

Fifty-year-old Frank Christopher Humphreys and his 22-year-old daughter Eleanor Jackson deny the charge and will go on trial later in the year at Carlisle Crown Court.
The two, from Cleator Moor, are accused of consensual sex between December 2011 and February 2012.

Why is this a criminal matter?

Humphreys is accused of having sex with his daughter “knowing that she was related to you in that way.” Jackson faces a similar charge.

So who is the victim???

Both denied the offence when they appeared before magistrates in Workington.
The case was sent to Carlisle Crown Court to be next heard on September 30.

Carlisle is in Cumbria, England.

I wonder how this became a criminal matter? Did someone rat them out? I also notice she had a different last name. Is that a married name, or did she grow up apart from him, likely making this a matter of Genetic Sexual Attraction?

No matter who doesn't like the idea, these two should be free to love each other any way they want. Instead of being prosecuted, they should be offered marriage. What a waste of government resources this prosecution is. Outrageous.

Read more »

Posted in: breaking up homes,consanguineous,courts,father-daughter,GSA,incest,lack of equality harms,law,prejudice,prosecution,UK

Two Bucks for the Medical Marijuana Industry

By:  Timothy P. Flynn

Earlier this week, medical marijuana advocates here in Michigan urged supporters to obtain and spend $2 dollar bills in support of the medical marijuana industry.  The idea behind the campaign is to demonstrate the strength of the marijuana economy.

Estimates place annual revenue from marijuana in Michigan, legal and illegal, at approximately one billion dollars.  The two dollar bill campaign is designed to raise awareness of the potential tax revenues and economic growth possibilities of the industry.

Not surprisingly, since the passage of the Michigan Medical Marijuana Act, Michigan now has over 130,000 registered marijuana "patients" with another 30,000 care-providers.  That's a lot of folks using and producing marijuana.

As we have reported here at The Law Blogger, recent appellate decisions have fostered a "grow-your-own" or barter system for the necessary evil of marijuana cultivation.  Dispensary schemes or for-profit business models have been ruled illegal.

A recent study from Harvard University estimated that 13% of all adult Michiganders used marijuana at least once over the past year.  That's a lot of joint consumption.

Should the State of Michigan regulate and tax this robust industry?  Should the business model shift from the hippy farmer to the for-profit business model?

Legislators and judges alike could not give two cents in support of this still-illicit industry, never mind a two dollar bill.  As things now stand, the law says: no profits from pot.

We would love to hear from our readers on this issue that is here to stay.  Please comment.

www.clarkstonlegal.com

Read more »

Posted in: Law Blogger,medical marijuana,Michigan Medical Marijuana Act

When Poly Is Made Part of Negative News

I have noticed that all too often, headlines and opening paragraphs of negative news items will try to associate polyamory or polygamy with a crime. For example, something along the lines of "Polygamous Man Beats Wife." How often do you see headlines like "Monogamous Man Beats Wife?" Never? Is that because monogamous men never beat women? Of course not.


There is terrible news out of Saginaw, Texas about a murdered 6-year-old girl. Her parents are polyamorous, and so now that has become part of the headlines and the story.  Polyamory in the News, which I can't recommend more highly, rounds up coverage. There's a murdered girl and people want to fight over whether or not it is OK that more than two adults love each other. There was a case of a murdered girl in 2002 when the desperate defense said that the victim's parents were swingers or in an open marriage, and suggested one of their friends committed the murder.

Scott Gordon at nbcdfw.com reported in a story with the headline "Father of Slain Texas Girl Defends Polyamorous Family." The girl's father lives with the girl's mother and her husband.

Miles McDaniel, the father of 6-year-old Alanna Gallagher, spoke for the first time about his daughter's death and their family.

"I want to find out who did this," he said Tuesday shortly after speaking with investigators for a few hours. "I want justice. And I hope that they can be found."

The family includes him; Gallagher's mother, Laura Gallagher; and her husband, Karl. McDaniel said he knows neither of his spouses committed the crime, saying theirs is a loving family.

"Anyone who knows the family knows that there are three parents in the family," he said. "If anyone is interested, Google polyamory."

There's a LOT out there, as Google will show.

Police have said that the family is not suspected in Gallagher's death.

That's important.

Most headlines that refer to this family as polyamorous are unfair in how they are written. Most children who are murdered, often by a relative, are from supposedly monogamous homes, but how often do you see a headline that says, "Slain Child From Monogamous Family?" A child has been murdered! What does it matter how many adults love each other?

Here's a current example for comparison. There's an 11-year-old special-needs boy who was reported missing and has, days later, been found murdered. His 16-year-old stepbrother (some sources say half-brother) has been arrested for the murder. The story is getting wide coverage. How many of the reports are headlined with "Boy From Monogamous Home Found Murdered?" Or "Teen From Monogamous Home Arrested for Murder?" Probably NONE.

The only time is makes sense to make polyamory part of the headline or part of the first few paragraphs of the report is if it is somehow the cause of the crime or a contributing factor. For example, if a family is harassed because they are polyamorous. Being polyamorous doesn't cause domestic violence or child abuse. Abusers cause those things, whether they are monogamous or polyamorous.

In these cases, let's focus on what is really important. Children have been murdered.

As far as the family goes, if you were a child, would you prefer all three of your parents living in the same home and getting along with each other and loving each other, or would you like at least one of them to be hostile or at least distant from the others and have to split your time between two different homes? This child had three parents. Many barely have one.

Read more »

Posted in: children,media,persecution,polyamory,prejudice,stigma

When Poly Is Made Part of Negative News

I have noticed that all too often, headlines and opening paragraphs of negative news items will try to associate polyamory or polygamy with a crime. For example, something along the lines of "Polygamous Man Beats Wife." How often do you see headlines like "Monogamous Man Beats Wife?" Never? Is that because monogamous men never beat women? Of course not.


There is terrible news out of Saginaw, Texas about a murdered 6-year-old girl. Her parents are polyamorous, and so now that has become part of the headlines and the story.  Polyamory in the News, which I can't recommend more highly, rounds up coverage. There's a murdered girl and people want to fight over whether or not it is OK that more than two adults love each other. There was a case of a murdered girl in 2002 when the desperate defense said that the victim's parents were swingers or in an open marriage, and suggested one of their friends committed the murder.

Scott Gordon at nbcdfw.com reported in a story with the headline "Father of Slain Texas Girl Defends Polyamorous Family." The girl's father lives with the girl's mother and her husband.

Miles McDaniel, the father of 6-year-old Alanna Gallagher, spoke for the first time about his daughter's death and their family.

"I want to find out who did this," he said Tuesday shortly after speaking with investigators for a few hours. "I want justice. And I hope that they can be found."

The family includes him; Gallagher's mother, Laura Gallagher; and her husband, Karl. McDaniel said he knows neither of his spouses committed the crime, saying theirs is a loving family.

"Anyone who knows the family knows that there are three parents in the family," he said. "If anyone is interested, Google polyamory."

There's a LOT out there, as Google will show.

Police have said that the family is not suspected in Gallagher's death.

That's important.

Most headlines that refer to this family as polyamorous are unfair in how they are written. Most children who are murdered, often by a relative, are from supposedly monogamous homes, but how often do you see a headline that says, "Slain Child From Monogamous Family?" A child has been murdered! What does it matter how many adults love each other?

Here's a current example for comparison. There's an 11-year-old special-needs boy who was reported missing and has, days later, been found murdered. His 16-year-old stepbrother (some sources say half-brother) has been arrested for the murder. The story is getting wide coverage. How many of the reports are headlined with "Boy From Monogamous Home Found Murdered?" Or "Teen From Monogamous Home Arrested for Murder?" Probably NONE.

The only time is makes sense to make polyamory part of the headline or part of the first few paragraphs of the report is if it is somehow the cause of the crime or a contributing factor. For example, if a family is harassed because they are polyamorous. Being polyamorous doesn't cause domestic violence or child abuse. Abusers cause those things, whether they are monogamous or polyamorous.

In these cases, let's focus on what is really important. Children have been murdered.

As far as the family goes, if you were a child, would you prefer all three of your parents living in the same home and getting along with each other and loving each other, or would you like at least one of them to be hostile or at least distant from the others and have to split your time between two different homes? This child had three parents. Many barely have one.

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Posted in: children,media,persecution,polyamory,prejudice,stigma

Congratulations Again to Bobbi Kristina Brown and Nick Gordon

The couple has confirmed their love and engagement and have stood up for themselves. For earlier coverage see here. They're all over the entertainment news again. For example, there's this headline from ninemsm.com.au "Whitney's daughter Bobbi Kristina confirms engagement to her 'brother'."

Bobbi Kristina Brown, the only child of the late Whitney Houston, has confirmed she is engaged - to a man she grew up with under the same roof as a child. Whitney took Nick Gordon under her care over a decade ago after learning his birth mother was no longer able to care for him, and raised him alongside Bobbi Kristina "like a son".

 Isn't it great that they are happy together and that they already knew each other?

"I'm tired of hearing people say 'Eww you're engaged to your brother' or 'If Whitney was still alive would we be together' or 'Would she approve of this.'

"Let me clear up something, we aren't even real brother and sister nor is he my adoptive brother. My mom never adopted him.

"In fact, mommy was the one who even said she knew that we were going to start dating."

It is terrible that people are giving her trouble about this and invoking her mother. Hasn't this young woman suffered enough? Why begrudge her happiness?

"People need to seriously stop judging my relationship. Pretty sure it's my own decision who I want to be with," she continued.

"Yes, my relationship may not be perfect. We will have rough patches, just like every other relationship. And we have had our rough patches.

"You may or may not agree with my relationship. You may or may not respect it. Judge me, go ahead. Your opinions are yours and mine are mine.

"It is my life and not yours. The decisions I make have nothing to do with you. Goodnight."

Thank you! Let consenting adults have the relationships they want. Some of the "news" sites are leading off the coverage by flat-out calling him her brother. What if he was? So what? There's some really lousy coverage out there. See for example, what Kristine Francis at celebritydirtylaundry.com, in a piece headlined "Whitney Houston’s Daughter Bobbi Kristina is Marrying Her Brother – Incestuous and Dangerous?"

Dangerous? Really?

Usually we could congratulate those lucky couples who are getting hitched but we can’t now. It’s merely too weird for us.

You cover celebrities and THIS is too weird for you? That two people love each other?!?

There is a reason why incest is band, a lot of people just can’t stomach it.

And that reason is...? Is....? She never says. We know. But this is not incest anyway. Not biologically, not legally, and whether it is socially can be disputed. By the way, it isn't "band" everywhere. There are some US states and many countries where it isn't, and these two can legally marry anywhere.

The only saving grace is that her fiance, Nick Gordan, was more her foster brother than any biological relative but still he was raised as her brother for over a decade.

So what is the cutoff for bigots like these? If someone boards in your house for four years while at university, does that make them off limits? What about someone who is an exchange student?

Whitney even referred to him as her son.

So what??? I've heard in-laws and potential in-laws do that many times.

How do I say this kindly, I vomited a little.

I see. Hmm, I wonder if everyone approves of Francis' love life... that is, if she has one? She goes on to attempt to psychoanalyze Bobbi Kristina and call Nick an opportunist. Oh, and she uses "short-lived" to describe their television show, because I'm sure Francis has a starring role in long-running show.

People really need to get over it. There's enough hate in this world. Cheer, don't boo, when someone finds love.

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Posted in: boundaries,brother-sister,coming out,consanguineous,incest,love,media,persecution,siblings,stigma

Congratulations Again to Bobbi Kristina Brown and Nick Gordon

The couple has confirmed their love and engagement and have stood up for themselves. For earlier coverage see here. They're all over the entertainment news again. For example, there's this headline from ninemsm.com.au "Whitney's daughter Bobbi Kristina confirms engagement to her 'brother'."

Bobbi Kristina Brown, the only child of the late Whitney Houston, has confirmed she is engaged - to a man she grew up with under the same roof as a child. Whitney took Nick Gordon under her care over a decade ago after learning his birth mother was no longer able to care for him, and raised him alongside Bobbi Kristina "like a son".

 Isn't it great that they are happy together and that they already knew each other?

"I'm tired of hearing people say 'Eww you're engaged to your brother' or 'If Whitney was still alive would we be together' or 'Would she approve of this.'

"Let me clear up something, we aren't even real brother and sister nor is he my adoptive brother. My mom never adopted him.

"In fact, mommy was the one who even said she knew that we were going to start dating."

It is terrible that people are giving her trouble about this and invoking her mother. Hasn't this young woman suffered enough? Why begrudge her happiness?

"People need to seriously stop judging my relationship. Pretty sure it's my own decision who I want to be with," she continued.

"Yes, my relationship may not be perfect. We will have rough patches, just like every other relationship. And we have had our rough patches.

"You may or may not agree with my relationship. You may or may not respect it. Judge me, go ahead. Your opinions are yours and mine are mine.

"It is my life and not yours. The decisions I make have nothing to do with you. Goodnight."

Thank you! Let consenting adults have the relationships they want. Some of the "news" sites are leading off the coverage by flat-out calling him her brother. What if he was? So what? There's some really lousy coverage out there. See for example, what Kristine Francis at celebritydirtylaundry.com, in a piece headlined "Whitney Houston’s Daughter Bobbi Kristina is Marrying Her Brother – Incestuous and Dangerous?"

Dangerous? Really?

Usually we could congratulate those lucky couples who are getting hitched but we can’t now. It’s merely too weird for us.

You cover celebrities and THIS is too weird for you? That two people love each other?!?

There is a reason why incest is band, a lot of people just can’t stomach it.

And that reason is...? Is....? She never says. We know. But this is not incest anyway. Not biologically, not legally, and whether it is socially can be disputed. By the way, it isn't "band" everywhere. There are some US states and many countries where it isn't, and these two can legally marry anywhere.

The only saving grace is that her fiance, Nick Gordan, was more her foster brother than any biological relative but still he was raised as her brother for over a decade.

So what is the cutoff for bigots like these? If someone boards in your house for four years while at university, does that make them off limits? What about someone who is an exchange student?

Whitney even referred to him as her son.

So what??? I've heard in-laws and potential in-laws do that many times.

How do I say this kindly, I vomited a little.

I see. Hmm, I wonder if everyone approves of Francis' love life... that is, if she has one? She goes on to attempt to psychoanalyze Bobbi Kristina and call Nick an opportunist. Oh, and she uses "short-lived" to describe their television show, because I'm sure Francis has a starring role in long-running show.

People really need to get over it. There's enough hate in this world. Cheer, don't boo, when someone finds love.

Read more »

Posted in: boundaries,brother-sister,coming out,consanguineous,incest,love,media,persecution,siblings,stigma

Where to Discuss Consanguinamory

The prejudice against consanguinamorous people continues. After being in one location for a while now, Penny 4 Your Thoughts has been kicked off their host and word through the grapevine is that it isn't coming back anywhere. That forum was the "daughter" of a previous forum that split. The other "daughter" is still going as Kindred Spirits forum, although there had been technical issues that were plaguing the host. In recent weeks, the forum has been operating fine for me. If you decide to join Kindred Spirits (it's free!) be sure to immediately read AND follow all of the rules, or you'll be kicked right off.

That both forums have had to relocate multiple times due to prejudice is sad. These forums have had worthwhile discussions about consanguinamory and have been a welcoming place for people who are usually being treated as second class citizens and don't have a lot of options for connecting with others who are going through the same thing.

If you are in a consanguinamorous relationship, or have been, or are considering one, or want to learn about them, or want to be more supportive of someone you know who is in one, Kindred Spirits continues to be the place to go if you want a place that...
...is well moderated
...doesn't allow spam
....isn't filled with porn or designed to be masturbation material (which I don't have a problem with in general, but there's a difference between porn and serious discussion of real relationships)
...isn't about pedophilia, child abuse, or rape/rape fantasies.

People who have experienced Genetic Sexual Attraction are welcome at Kindred Spirits as long as they understand and accept that many people there were not separated from their genetic relatives. There are some GSA-experienced people who are active there. The free GSA-dedicated forum at http://www.gsaforums.com/ is, as of this writing, experiencing technical problems. There is Yahoo Group for GSA that might accept new members: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Reunion_gsa/

If anyone knows of other active, good, free forums for discussing consanguinamory or GSA, I'm all ears.

If you are looking for a place to discuss consanguinamory, especially if you were a member of a shuttered/abandoned forum, contact me and I might be able to help.

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Posted in: consanguineous,GSA,help,incest,lack of equality harms,persecution,prejudice,stigma

Where to Discuss Consanguinamory

The prejudice against consanguinamorous people continues. After being in one location for a while now, Penny 4 Your Thoughts has been kicked off their host and word through the grapevine is that it isn't coming back anywhere. That forum was the "daughter" of a previous forum that split. The other "daughter" is still going as Kindred Spirits forum, although there had been technical issues that were plaguing the host. In recent weeks, the forum has been operating fine for me. If you decide to join Kindred Spirits (it's free!) be sure to immediately read AND follow all of the rules, or you'll be kicked right off.

That both forums have had to relocate multiple times due to prejudice is sad. These forums have had worthwhile discussions about consanguinamory and have been a welcoming place for people who are usually being treated as second class citizens and don't have a lot of options for connecting with others who are going through the same thing.

If you are in a consanguinamorous relationship, or have been, or are considering one, or want to learn about them, or want to be more supportive of someone you know who is in one, Kindred Spirits continues to be the place to go if you want a place that...
...is well moderated
...doesn't allow spam
....isn't filled with porn or designed to be masturbation material (which I don't have a problem with in general, but there's a difference between porn and serious discussion of real relationships)
...isn't about pedophilia, child abuse, or rape/rape fantasies.

People who have experienced Genetic Sexual Attraction are welcome at Kindred Spirits as long as they understand and accept that many people there were not separated from their genetic relatives. There are some GSA-experienced people who are active there. The free GSA-dedicated forum at http://www.gsaforums.com/ is, as of this writing, experiencing technical problems. There is Yahoo Group for GSA that might accept new members: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Reunion_gsa/

If anyone knows of other active, good, free forums for discussing consanguinamory or GSA, I'm all ears.

If you are looking for a place to discuss consanguinamory, especially if you were a member of a shuttered/abandoned forum, contact me and I might be able to help.

Read more »

Posted in: consanguineous,GSA,help,incest,lack of equality harms,persecution,prejudice,stigma

A Healthy Attitude About Jealousy and Security

I like finding various introductory explanations of polyamory, because the general public is just starting to understand that poly people are everywhere and nothing is wrong with being polyamorous. Cathy Reisenwitz has only embraced polyamory for about a year, and answers some basic questions in this article at xojane.com. The form their polyamory takes is that they are couple, and each one of them as individuals sees others (some might think of it simply as an open relationship.)

Q: Don’t you get jealous?

A: YES! ALL THE TIME! Jealousy is something I’ve always struggled with. 

Honestly, part of the appeal of polyamory for me is that it forces me to confront, and then get over, my feelings of jealousy. In the dark days, when I felt my partner was spending too much time with a woman I perceived as a threat, I’d feel scared and angry and ask/demand that they stop spending time with her. But doing that sucked! My partners felt controlled, and embarrassed to have to back away from friends. It must have lowered my esteem in their eyes; it certainly embarrassed me. But worst of all, because I refused to confront my own feelings of insecurity and inadequacy, I didn’t leave myself any opportunity to grow. 

Keep in mind, I didn’t start down the polyamory path in order to get over my feelings of jealousy. But the progress I’ve made and the promise of a life mostly unburdened by it has helped motivate me to continue on, even when it’s been hard. 

People in monogamous relationships also experience jealousy, by the way.

Q: Are you afraid someone will steal him away?

A: Igor is a catch. I have no doubt that if he’s not very selective in who he dates, someone will try. Who knows, this person may be better than me in every way. At that point it will be up to him to decide whether everything we built is less valuable to him than the promise of a future with someone better. 

Him choosing to leave me is not my preference. I have no desire to trade him in. I highly value what we have. 

But if he doesn’t, tying him down so he can never figure out that he could do better isn’t a win. It’s sad. If he decides to leave, the way I try to see it, we’ve really both won. I don’t want to be with someone who wants to trade up more than they want to continue our growth as a couple. 

Brilliant. Read the rest of it if you'd like.

Again, this is just one form of polyamory. There are closed and open triangles and triads, and various forms of quads, and so on. What works for some doesn't work for all. Nobody should be denied their rights to live out their relationships and, if they want, marry, whether that involves a closed monogamous relationship or an open polyamorous relationship, or something else.

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Posted in: family reaction,love,open,polyamory