Talking About Consanguinamory

There aren't a lot of a good places to seriously discuss consanguinamorous relationships that are FREE to the user and not full of "adult" images. Forums are often overrun with spam, trolls, and other noise; abandoned by the administrators; littered with actual or wanne-be predators; or lacking in worthwhile discussion as users sit around silently waiting for someone to post something that will arouse them.

Kindred Spirits forum continues to have an overall climate of active, quality discourse. That is because of the administrators and the rules they have, and the participants they have attracted. Anyone who wants to read the discussions there had better immediately read and follow the rules.

Here are more examples of the content found there.



A woman in a relationship with her brother, initiated through Genetic Sexual Attraction, wrote after dealing with a mean person in her life...

You know, I always thought I knew what love was, Someone would tell me and i'd be like awww, he/she loves me, that's nice. Since being with my brother he has shown me what true love really is. It's not something I think awww how sweet, It's actually something I feel, in my whole body, He tells me it often, but even if he didn't say the words I'd still feel his love. We chat, we laugh, we play, and even now and then cry for the lost time. We get on so well, I need him like he's the air that I breathe. He understands me, and knows my moods/needs and wants. I feel like I'm wrapped up in a big soft blanket full of love, Something I've never EVER experienced in my life. I've also experienced for the first time ever trust. My exes have all had jealousy of some kind, I've even had it. But with my brother, its the first time I don't feel jealousy, I trust him 100% and he trusts me a 100%. That's a new one for me too. I've never felt so safe and secure as I do now.

She followed up with...

I Love my brother so very much, with all that I have, He's the best thing that's every happened to me. He is my world.
 
GSA, whatever the reason, I'm just so glad I am where I am right now.

She wrote in another discussion...

I had a very interesting chat with [her daughter in her mid teens]. She basically told me she knew of [our] relationship. She also knew we had to 'hide' from everyone outside.

And you know what she said to me? It's very sad mum, because if people could see what I see, it's the most wonderful relationship you have with your brother, it's special, and she said it's wrong that we have to hide, and what a bunch of small minded people there are in the world.

That was a proud moment for me, to know my daughter has the understanding, and not judgmental at all. I then at that point knew I'd done a good job.

There is no good reason they should have to hide. We must keep evolving until we have relationship rights for all, including full marriage equality.

If you want a forum that is specific to Genetic Sexual Attraction, go here.

If you know of other forums worthy of attention, let me know.

For more about siblings, see Ten Myths About Sibling Consanguinamory

Read more »

Posted in: allies,brother-sister,consanguineous,family reaction,GSA,love,prejudice,siblings

Talking About Consanguinamory

There aren't a lot of a good places to seriously discuss consanguinamorous relationships that are FREE to the user and not full of "adult" images. Forums are often overrun with spam, trolls, and other noise; abandoned by the administrators; littered with actual or wanne-be predators; or lacking in worthwhile discussion as users sit around silently waiting for someone to post something that will arouse them.

Kindred Spirits forum continues to have an overall climate of active, quality discourse. That is because of the administrators and the rules they have, and the participants they have attracted. Anyone who wants to read the discussions there had better immediately read and follow the rules.

Here are more examples of the content found there.



A woman in a relationship with her brother, initiated through Genetic Sexual Attraction, wrote after dealing with a mean person in her life...

You know, I always thought I knew what love was, Someone would tell me and i'd be like awww, he/she loves me, that's nice. Since being with my brother he has shown me what true love really is. It's not something I think awww how sweet, It's actually something I feel, in my whole body, He tells me it often, but even if he didn't say the words I'd still feel his love. We chat, we laugh, we play, and even now and then cry for the lost time. We get on so well, I need him like he's the air that I breathe. He understands me, and knows my moods/needs and wants. I feel like I'm wrapped up in a big soft blanket full of love, Something I've never EVER experienced in my life. I've also experienced for the first time ever trust. My exes have all had jealousy of some kind, I've even had it. But with my brother, its the first time I don't feel jealousy, I trust him 100% and he trusts me a 100%. That's a new one for me too. I've never felt so safe and secure as I do now.

She followed up with...

I Love my brother so very much, with all that I have, He's the best thing that's every happened to me. He is my world.
 
GSA, whatever the reason, I'm just so glad I am where I am right now.

She wrote in another discussion...

I had a very interesting chat with [her daughter in her mid teens]. She basically told me she knew of [our] relationship. She also knew we had to 'hide' from everyone outside.

And you know what she said to me? It's very sad mum, because if people could see what I see, it's the most wonderful relationship you have with your brother, it's special, and she said it's wrong that we have to hide, and what a bunch of small minded people there are in the world.

That was a proud moment for me, to know my daughter has the understanding, and not judgmental at all. I then at that point knew I'd done a good job.

There is no good reason they should have to hide. We must keep evolving until we have relationship rights for all, including full marriage equality.

If you want a forum that is specific to Genetic Sexual Attraction, go here.

If you know of other forums worthy of attention, let me know.

For more about siblings, see Ten Myths About Sibling Consanguinamory

Read more »

Posted in: allies,brother-sister,consanguineous,family reaction,GSA,love,prejudice,siblings

Reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act Provides More Protections for More People

President Obama signing the Act.

The Violence Against Women Act, originally passed in 1994, was enacted to protect the abuse victims (both men and women) of domestic violence, sexual assault, and stalking. The original Act passed in 1994 created a National Domestic Violence Hotline, funded shelters that helped abuse victims, funded prosecution efforts, and increased the penalties for abusers.

Reauthorized in 2000 and again in 2005, the Act recently lapsed in 2011. Reauthorization has been stalled in the Legislature due to partisan politics and disagreement over language that would expand protections to immigrants, Native Americans, and the LGBT community.

The House of Representatives finally passed the bill in early 2013 and in March President Obama signed the Act into law, reauthorizing the Violence Against Women Act which again provides protections for victims of abuse. 

Here are some of the additions and expansions associated with the new reauthorization:

• Native American tribes now have the power to prosecute sexual abuse crimes against non-Native Americans. Previously, non-Native Americans who committed acts of abuse against Native Americans were, for all intents and purposes, immune from prosecution because tribal police could not arrest non-Native Americans and neighboring police could not make arrests on Tribal Reservations.  Now Native Americans who are assaulted on reservations can take their claims to the tribal police for prosecution. This is especially important as statistics have shown that Native American women are more than twice as likely to be sexually assaulted than non-Native women.
• Federal funding may now be used for domestic assault, sexual assault and stalking related services geared at protecting gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgender citizens. The new Act includes a non-discrimination provision that prohibits the denial of services based upon race, religion, national origin, sexual orientation or disability. The services and protections for domestic violence victims can now be extended to those people in same-sex relationships.
• Undocumented immigrants can now seek temporary visas for the purpose of prosecuting their abusers.  In the past, there have been issues with undocumented immigrants not reporting instances of abuse due to the fear of being deported.  This expansion of the Act now provides a means for undocumented immigrants to pursue justice against their abusers rather than simply taking the abuse.
• Additional updates to the Act include sections which address our ever-advancing technology, including provisions to protect against spyware and video surveillance.

     The Reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act reinstates much needed protections for the victims of abuse, both men and women. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, around 1.3 million women are assaulted by a partner every year. The law authorizes $659 million dollars over the next five years to fund the programs, shelters, and hotlines necessary in combatting domestic violence, sexual abuse, and stalking.  If you are the victim of abuse, you can call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline 24 hours a day at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).   

www.clarkstonlegal.com

info@clarkstonlegal.com

Read more »

Posted in: assault,civil rights,President Obama,Violence Against Women Act

Polyamorous Consanguinamory in the Caribbean

By my count, this is the twentieth ongoing relationship I've covered through exclusive interviews in which the lovers are denied by prejudices from being open and honest about who they are and who they are to each other, even though these lovers have a spousal relationship.

Ed is a 22-year-old white male from the US state of Pennsylvania, living in the Caribbean. He has an older sister, Jamie, 25 and identical twin sisters, Megan and Stacey who are 20. His mother, Kara, is 41. They all live together. (All names have been changed to protect them from bigotry.) Ed’s family enjoys consanguinamorous polyamory. Ed is active on a certain Big Online Portal question-and-answer service, answering question from the perspective of his relationship experience.

Read this interview with an open mind and ask yourself if there is one good reason their rights to love each other the way they want should be denied.

(The language gets mildly explicit in a couple of places.)

*****

FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe your background.

ED: My father died when I was 4 so my sisters and I grew up with our mother with a substantial fortune he left us. We had a lot of freedom. My father died when the twins were 2 so my mom was busy with them and still worked.




FME: What is your sexual orientation and relationship orientation?

I am straight, but have never been married, however I consider myself in a permanently committed polygamous relationship similar to marriage.

FME: How did your familial relationships become consanguinamorous?

Jamie and I were able to play without supervision a lot, and she started experimenting with me. Our mom was ignorant of our games as far as we knew. It turns out, she did know, she just didn't know how to discuss sex with us. Before we found out mom knew, the twins wanted to "play" with us too. We let them join us and we all had a lot of fun showing them what we had learned so far. Stacey and I have a special connection.

The 4 of us continued all playing together and having sex together, until my mom "caught" us and said we shouldn't do that any more. Mom never really enforced her rule and we just thought we could go on like we were forever. This was our thing we had going, and since we were sharing a room it wasn't about to change.

Mom made the twins and I switch rooms, so I was alone and the girls shared, but that didn't stop my drive. In fact, when I was cuddling with my mother in the evenings, I would try to get somewhere and eventually she would let me make little advances, and then we got further and further. I think at that point she had become almost desperate for physical attention from a male that she was really enjoying the attention I gave her.

Granted, I still did what I could with my sisters some times, but having my own room I targeted the closest access to sexual attention that I had. It was strange at the time because mom would accept what we did at night, but never acknowledge it during the day or around the girls at first. But then she opened up a lot. I finally got her to let me penetrate her and I went crazy with anxiety. I think it was the most intense orgasm I’d had to that day. The first time I had sex with her is something I would never forget.

Over a couple of months I guess mom became more and more accustomed to the idea of what we had been doing. She got braver and would do things with me during the day on the weekends. She would let me spend more time in my sister's room and even encouraged us all to stay nude at home pretty much all the time.

I got Jamie pregnant. We never had to say that it was my baby, but both of us wanted to try and raise her with mom's help. However, Mom thought it best to have an adoption. Thankfully a couple in the Caribbean was ready to adopt and keep our secret. Our daughter's adoptive parents know who we are, but don't reveal our true secret to her and now we live down the street from them as "friends of the family".

Jamie ended up dating after she delivered our daughter. She got pregnant by another guy and married him, but the marriage didn’t last. Then I got Mom pregnant. This was easy enough to pass off to others as the result of a one night stand, and we kept her.

Did you think any of this was wrong? Do you feel it is taboo or kinky?

I don't think I ever felt adverse to the actions any of us took. For me, growing up the way I did with my sister, sexual games were just a normal yet exciting, fun thing.

I have always thought of us as so completely natural, however, there have been a lot of times when I think about the social taboo of it all which makes it very kinky. Usually though, there is nothing taboo to us.

The other kinks involved would probably be the fact that we have sex as a group.

How do you and your siblings and mother see each other? As lovers, as siblings, as mother and son, or what?

We cannot separate our relationships as siblings or mother/son from our sexual relationships at this point.  It is just something that goes hand in hand.


Does anyone else know the full nature of your relationships, and if so, how have they reacted? Do you act as lovers in public?

A few of Stacey's friends found out about us once, but those rumors were squashed quickly. My maternal grandmother knows about our lives a little and disapproves, but she has been out of touch for a while.

Unfortunately, we were not able to act like a couple in public. That used to upset us, but we knew how people reacted to it. We all accepted that it was for the best that we kept our secrets at home.

Most people today know each of us as a couple. In public we live as though Stacey and I are lovers, mom is Stacy's mom and Meg lives with them, and Jamie is a roommate. Almost as if Jamie and I are not part of the family. The only steps we really have had to take is with Ashley's adoption, putting down rumors of Stacey and I and then moving to the island together.


What are the advantages and disadvantages of your relationships?

We completely understand the social dynamic we face. We have always accepted that the relationships we have will not be accepted in the modern world and we can be happy without publicizing our love. It is between us, not the rest of the world, but we are happy to share with those who will not be harshly judgemental.

On the other hand, the advantages we have as being siblings is that we have years of experience together. We are inseparable from each other. The same with mom. I couldn't imagine having the connection with another partner that I have with her. She knows every inch of my body and she knows exactly how to care for it in every way. I do everything I can to keep them happy as the only male lover, and they all treat each other the same way as lovers.


What do you want to say to those who don’t approve?

To those who don't approve: Get over it. It is not your business. We love with the same feelings, just with people you usually wouldn't do it with. We are not asking you to recognize us as "married" just don't tell us we are horrible and disgusting because you don't understand. Everyone has their perfect partners, and we found ours right at home.

There is no reason to interpret this multi -person relationship as "wrong". We care for and love each other, til the ends of the earth. We protect each other like family and care for each other as lovers. It is the best of both worlds.

The only time these relationships are wrong is when a person is forced or coerced. Any person consenting to sex should be completely informed. People should be able to know what the possible consequences are to their actions and know that having a child is not a short term situation. Education is the key. However, having a child is an amazing experience and worth every minute.


Speaking of children, how are the children?

The kids are perfectly healthy, and very smart. We actually had blood work done a couple years back. As far as we could tell, we don't have any detrimental recessive traits.


What advice do you have for others who might be entering into a situation like this?

I strongly suggest talking these things out. I would not change my life for the world, however, I have seen a lot of people react negatively to sexual activity between family members. The most important thing to remember is, even if you do not continue the relationship sexually, it's not anything to be ashamed of or guilty about. It is just another event in your life that made you who you are. It can be wonderful to know your sibling or even parent that way, but you must make the call together, equally. That is how any relationship should work.


What do you want to say to those who don’t believe this is a real situation?

Those who don't want to believe our situation is real are free to think what they want. It's probably best for someone like that to disbelieve than to take it seriously and try to report my mom for her involvement. So I am comfortable with not being believed.



Any plans for the future?

My sisters all want to have children, and my mom has considered 1 more, but she is running out of time. I don't know what else the future will bring, but it looks exciting.


*****


There you have it. Consenting adults who but should be free to pursue their relationship, whatever form it will take.

Why should they be denied their rights? There’s no good reason.We need to adopt full marriage equality sooner rather than later, so that an adult is free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage any and all consenting adults. Real people are being hurt because of a denial of their basic human rights to love each other freely.

You can read other interviews I have done here, including my interview with the polyamorous consanguinamorous marriage that originally inspired me to blog.

If you are in a relationship like this and are looking for help or others you can talk with, read this.

If you are a family member or friend of someone who is in or may be in such a relationship, please read this.

Thank you to Ed for providing this look into the love he shares.

Read more »

Posted in: bisexual,boundaries,brother-sister,children,consanguineous,family reaction,group,love,mother-son,PCM,polyamory,polygyny,pregnancy,same-sex,sister-sister

Polyamorous Consanguinamory in the Caribbean

By my count, this is the twentieth ongoing relationship I've covered through exclusive interviews in which the lovers are denied by prejudices from being open and honest about who they are and who they are to each other, even though these lovers have a spousal relationship.

Ed is a 22-year-old white male from the US state of Pennsylvania, living in the Caribbean. He has an older sister, Jamie, 25 and identical twin sisters, Megan and Stacey who are 20. His mother, Kara, is 41. They all live together. (All names have been changed to protect them from bigotry.) Ed’s family enjoys consanguinamorous polyamory. Ed is active on a certain Big Online Portal question-and-answer service, answering question from the perspective of his relationship experience.

Read this interview with an open mind and ask yourself if there is one good reason their rights to love each other the way they want should be denied.

(The language gets mildly explicit in a couple of places.)

*****

FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe your background.

ED: My father died when I was 4 so my sisters and I grew up with our mother with a substantial fortune he left us. We had a lot of freedom. My father died when the twins were 2 so my mom was busy with them and still worked.




FME: What is your sexual orientation and relationship orientation?

I am straight, but have never been married, however I consider myself in a permanently committed polygamous relationship similar to marriage.

FME: How did your familial relationships become consanguinamorous?

Jamie and I were able to play without supervision a lot, and she started experimenting with me. Our mom was ignorant of our games as far as we knew. It turns out, she did know, she just didn't know how to discuss sex with us. Before we found out mom knew, the twins wanted to "play" with us too. We let them join us and we all had a lot of fun showing them what we had learned so far. Stacey and I have a special connection.

The 4 of us continued all playing together and having sex together, until my mom "caught" us and said we shouldn't do that any more. Mom never really enforced her rule and we just thought we could go on like we were forever. This was our thing we had going, and since we were sharing a room it wasn't about to change.

Mom made the twins and I switch rooms, so I was alone and the girls shared, but that didn't stop my drive. In fact, when I was cuddling with my mother in the evenings, I would try to get somewhere and eventually she would let me make little advances, and then we got further and further. I think at that point she had become almost desperate for physical attention from a male that she was really enjoying the attention I gave her.

Granted, I still did what I could with my sisters some times, but having my own room I targeted the closest access to sexual attention that I had. It was strange at the time because mom would accept what we did at night, but never acknowledge it during the day or around the girls at first. But then she opened up a lot. I finally got her to let me penetrate her and I went crazy with anxiety. I think it was the most intense orgasm I’d had to that day. The first time I had sex with her is something I would never forget.

Over a couple of months I guess mom became more and more accustomed to the idea of what we had been doing. She got braver and would do things with me during the day on the weekends. She would let me spend more time in my sister's room and even encouraged us all to stay nude at home pretty much all the time.

I got Jamie pregnant. We never had to say that it was my baby, but both of us wanted to try and raise her with mom's help. However, Mom thought it best to have an adoption. Thankfully a couple in the Caribbean was ready to adopt and keep our secret. Our daughter's adoptive parents know who we are, but don't reveal our true secret to her and now we live down the street from them as "friends of the family".

Jamie ended up dating after she delivered our daughter. She got pregnant by another guy and married him, but the marriage didn’t last. Then I got Mom pregnant. This was easy enough to pass off to others as the result of a one night stand, and we kept her.

Did you think any of this was wrong? Do you feel it is taboo or kinky?

I don't think I ever felt adverse to the actions any of us took. For me, growing up the way I did with my sister, sexual games were just a normal yet exciting, fun thing.

I have always thought of us as so completely natural, however, there have been a lot of times when I think about the social taboo of it all which makes it very kinky. Usually though, there is nothing taboo to us.

The other kinks involved would probably be the fact that we have sex as a group.

How do you and your siblings and mother see each other? As lovers, as siblings, as mother and son, or what?

We cannot separate our relationships as siblings or mother/son from our sexual relationships at this point.  It is just something that goes hand in hand.


Does anyone else know the full nature of your relationships, and if so, how have they reacted? Do you act as lovers in public?

A few of Stacey's friends found out about us once, but those rumors were squashed quickly. My maternal grandmother knows about our lives a little and disapproves, but she has been out of touch for a while.

Unfortunately, we were not able to act like a couple in public. That used to upset us, but we knew how people reacted to it. We all accepted that it was for the best that we kept our secrets at home.

Most people today know each of us as a couple. In public we live as though Stacey and I are lovers, mom is Stacy's mom and Meg lives with them, and Jamie is a roommate. Almost as if Jamie and I are not part of the family. The only steps we really have had to take is with Ashley's adoption, putting down rumors of Stacey and I and then moving to the island together.


What are the advantages and disadvantages of your relationships?

We completely understand the social dynamic we face. We have always accepted that the relationships we have will not be accepted in the modern world and we can be happy without publicizing our love. It is between us, not the rest of the world, but we are happy to share with those who will not be harshly judgemental.

On the other hand, the advantages we have as being siblings is that we have years of experience together. We are inseparable from each other. The same with mom. I couldn't imagine having the connection with another partner that I have with her. She knows every inch of my body and she knows exactly how to care for it in every way. I do everything I can to keep them happy as the only male lover, and they all treat each other the same way as lovers.


What do you want to say to those who don’t approve?

To those who don't approve: Get over it. It is not your business. We love with the same feelings, just with people you usually wouldn't do it with. We are not asking you to recognize us as "married" just don't tell us we are horrible and disgusting because you don't understand. Everyone has their perfect partners, and we found ours right at home.

There is no reason to interpret this multi -person relationship as "wrong". We care for and love each other, til the ends of the earth. We protect each other like family and care for each other as lovers. It is the best of both worlds.

The only time these relationships are wrong is when a person is forced or coerced. Any person consenting to sex should be completely informed. People should be able to know what the possible consequences are to their actions and know that having a child is not a short term situation. Education is the key. However, having a child is an amazing experience and worth every minute.


Speaking of children, how are the children?

The kids are perfectly healthy, and very smart. We actually had blood work done a couple years back. As far as we could tell, we don't have any detrimental recessive traits.


What advice do you have for others who might be entering into a situation like this?

I strongly suggest talking these things out. I would not change my life for the world, however, I have seen a lot of people react negatively to sexual activity between family members. The most important thing to remember is, even if you do not continue the relationship sexually, it's not anything to be ashamed of or guilty about. It is just another event in your life that made you who you are. It can be wonderful to know your sibling or even parent that way, but you must make the call together, equally. That is how any relationship should work.


What do you want to say to those who don’t believe this is a real situation?

Those who don't want to believe our situation is real are free to think what they want. It's probably best for someone like that to disbelieve than to take it seriously and try to report my mom for her involvement. So I am comfortable with not being believed.



Any plans for the future?

My sisters all want to have children, and my mom has considered 1 more, but she is running out of time. I don't know what else the future will bring, but it looks exciting.


*****


There you have it. Consenting adults who but should be free to pursue their relationship, whatever form it will take.

Why should they be denied their rights? There’s no good reason.We need to adopt full marriage equality sooner rather than later, so that an adult is free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage any and all consenting adults. Real people are being hurt because of a denial of their basic human rights to love each other freely.

You can read other interviews I have done here, including my interview with the polyamorous consanguinamorous marriage that originally inspired me to blog.

If you are in a relationship like this and are looking for help or others you can talk with, read this.

If you are a family member or friend of someone who is in or may be in such a relationship, please read this.

Thank you to Ed for providing this look into the love he shares.

Read more »

Posted in: bisexual,boundaries,brother-sister,children,consanguineous,family reaction,group,love,mother-son,PCM,polyamory,polygyny,pregnancy,same-sex,sister-sister

You Get What You Pay For With Divorce Lawyers

Over the past several years, we here at the Law Blogger have noted several catchy marketing schemes involving divorce lawyers, especially from New York.  These schemes involve a bait and switch by promising a quick result for cheap, or just offering a divorce for an impossibly low fee.

Key word: impossible; at least in most cases. 

The first campaign we noted was touted in Manhattan as the "one-hour-divorce" for about $500.  For the low fee, clients meet with a paralegal and lawyer at the NYC firm to provide their personal information.  The details of their settlement are also, briefly, discussed.

The clients are next provided a ten dollar gift certificate to either McDonald's or Starbucks to burn-up the last hour of their ill-fated marriage while the law office prepares the canned document package for a "one-size-fits-all" divorce.

You cannot have issues, however, or it will cost you extra. The basic premise is that the divorce has to be absolutely 100% "pro confesso" (i.e. uncontested). Basic input is collected from the client and a set of pleadings are prepared within the alotted hour. A standard judgment is generated and executed for entry and filing with the court at the appropriate time, usually six months.

Hopefully nothing changes during the statutory wait period, or all bets are off. Also, under general rules of legal ethics, the firm could not represent both parties to the divorce; but they've apparently figured out which one is their "client".

If the divorcing couple has children, property, or needs support, these issues can be handled in an hour; but will cost more than double. A Prenuptial agreement would all but disqualify the client from the discount program, although a "conventional" divorce would still be available.

Not to be outdone, there is a storefront in Brooklyn that has a sign advertising divorce for $399.  It turns out that this storefront is not a law firm, but rather the office of a paralegal that merely acts as a scrivener for the divorce forms required by New York state laws. 

For the stated fee, the paralegals will assist you in the completion and filing of the forms which are then filed with the court.  Then, it's "up to the judge".  Translation: you are on your own.

This advertised fee is also a classic bait and switch.  Not only are there extra fees for just about everything, you also need to pay filing costs and court fees. 

Apparently, the idea behind the sign is to get you in the door for the advertised low fee.  Once inside, then you learn that you, like 99% of the rest of the population, do not qualify for the low fee, but for a few hundred more bucks, they will take care of you.

It is "buyer beware" for these outfits for sure.

Here in Oakland County, we here at the Law Blogger and at Clarkston Legal, believe that the most important asset of any divorce lawyer is their reputation.  If the attorney is experienced and gets good results, it will be reflected in their fees.

www.clarkstonlegal.com
info@clarkstonlegal.com

Read more »

Posted in: Brooklyn,child custody,divorce,divorce lawyer,legal fees,marital estate,New York City,Oakland County

Misrepresenting Polyamorists

All too often headlines are written in a way so as to impugn polygamy or some form of polyamory, like "Polygamist Arrested for Murder" or something along those lines. We never see headlines like "Monogamist Arrested for Murder." Whether someone commits crimes are not is usually not related to whether they person is a monogamist or a polyamorist of some sort, including being a polygamist.

A recent example is a criminal case of out England involving someone portrayed as a polyamorist. It's a good thing that some people are speaking up about this, like Charlie Hallam who wrote a great piece published at newstatesman.com...

One of the things about living as a member of a minority social group is that you tend to be on the lookout for things in the news that might affect how people think of you. It's not just about curiosity - it's also about fear, and pain. It's about the experience, time and again, of saying who you are and how you live and love, and being met with fear, confusion, misinformation and disgust.

Now, another news source has found another way in which the Philpott family can be used to demonstrate how a particular group of people are depraved.

Bashing "others" is nothing new, unfortunately.

For example, the article claims that polyamorous relationships subordinate women. But Dr Christine Campbell, Senior Lecturer in Psychology at St Mary's University College, says: "This is absolutely without foundation. There is no research which has found this to my knowledge. In fact the most common poly relationships are found between homosexual men. Research suggests that at least 50 per cent of gay male relationships are consensually non-monogamous in some form or another (some estimates put it as high as 75 per cent) . . . Who takes advantage of whom in a same-sex poly relationship?"

Sarah Brown, Lib Dem councillor for Cambridge, told me: "The BBC's article paints a very inaccurate view of polyamory. The concentration on women being 'pressured' into them by men ignores the existence of all-women polyamorous relationships, such as mine, as well as a number of other kind of poly relationship structures. Polyamorous relationships take many diverse forms. The idea that it's all about a man having a harem is an unhelpful stereotype. The issue here isn't polyamory. The issue here is abusive relationships, and most of those involve only two people."

Yes, let's not forget that supposedly monogamous relationships are sometimes abusive ones.

Dr Thom Brooks, the academic approached for the BBC piece, is not an expert on polyamory, and was according to his twitter feed unaware of the purpose of the piece in which he's quoted. Throughout the piece, the terms polyamory and polygamy are used interchangably, and the title of the piece, 'Philpott fire deaths trial shines light on polyamory', clearly implies a link between ethical non-monogamous polyamory such as my family with the actions that led to the deaths of six children.

Polyamorists shouldn't be misrepresented, nor stereotyped. Most aren't polygamists. Some are abusers or otherwise criminal. Others are great citizens and may be people you love, respect, and admire. Polyamorists are a very diverse sociological group. As far as lies about polygamy, see this entry.

Read more »

Posted in: media,myths,polyamory,polygamy,polygyny,prejudice,stigma,UK

Misrepresenting Polyamorists

All too often headlines are written in a way so as to impugn polygamy or some form of polyamory, like "Polygamist Arrested for Murder" or something along those lines. We never see headlines like "Monogamist Arrested for Murder." Whether someone commits crimes are not is usually not related to whether they person is a monogamist or a polyamorist of some sort, including being a polygamist.

A recent example is a criminal case of out England involving someone portrayed as a polyamorist. It's a good thing that some people are speaking up about this, like Charlie Hallam who wrote a great piece published at newstatesman.com...

One of the things about living as a member of a minority social group is that you tend to be on the lookout for things in the news that might affect how people think of you. It's not just about curiosity - it's also about fear, and pain. It's about the experience, time and again, of saying who you are and how you live and love, and being met with fear, confusion, misinformation and disgust.

Now, another news source has found another way in which the Philpott family can be used to demonstrate how a particular group of people are depraved.

Bashing "others" is nothing new, unfortunately.

For example, the article claims that polyamorous relationships subordinate women. But Dr Christine Campbell, Senior Lecturer in Psychology at St Mary's University College, says: "This is absolutely without foundation. There is no research which has found this to my knowledge. In fact the most common poly relationships are found between homosexual men. Research suggests that at least 50 per cent of gay male relationships are consensually non-monogamous in some form or another (some estimates put it as high as 75 per cent) . . . Who takes advantage of whom in a same-sex poly relationship?"

Sarah Brown, Lib Dem councillor for Cambridge, told me: "The BBC's article paints a very inaccurate view of polyamory. The concentration on women being 'pressured' into them by men ignores the existence of all-women polyamorous relationships, such as mine, as well as a number of other kind of poly relationship structures. Polyamorous relationships take many diverse forms. The idea that it's all about a man having a harem is an unhelpful stereotype. The issue here isn't polyamory. The issue here is abusive relationships, and most of those involve only two people."

Yes, let's not forget that supposedly monogamous relationships are sometimes abusive ones.

Dr Thom Brooks, the academic approached for the BBC piece, is not an expert on polyamory, and was according to his twitter feed unaware of the purpose of the piece in which he's quoted. Throughout the piece, the terms polyamory and polygamy are used interchangably, and the title of the piece, 'Philpott fire deaths trial shines light on polyamory', clearly implies a link between ethical non-monogamous polyamory such as my family with the actions that led to the deaths of six children.

Polyamorists shouldn't be misrepresented, nor stereotyped. Most aren't polygamists. Some are abusers or otherwise criminal. Others are great citizens and may be people you love, respect, and admire. Polyamorists are a very diverse sociological group. As far as lies about polygamy, see this entry.

Read more »

Posted in: media,myths,polyamory,polygamy,polygyny,prejudice,stigma,UK

Consanguineous Marriages in Ancient and Recent History

Katrina Majkut wrote an interesting article that is mostly about cousin marriage, but also deals with other forms.

Laws preventing consanguineous marriages still exist, but more-than-friendly brother-sister relations still occur like out of a V.C. Andrews novel. The latest international news story was about a German couple in 2001: As a result of their amorous affection, they bore 4 children, 2 of whom have disabilities, did hard time, and love still survived.

Yes, and other couples who not related beyond the degree that any of us are related also have children with disabilities. Two of the four children in that case don’t have disabilities.

While today sibling relationships are both taboo and illegal, there was a time when it was widely practiced, and even encouraged in order to prevent the tainting of royal bloodlines. Before Mark Anthony, Cleopatra VII was married to her brother Ptolemy XIII, and she was the offspring of a sibling marriage as well. While technically illegal during Roman times, it is said that Roman Emperor Caligula did the deed with all three of his sisters, Julia Livilla, Drusilla, and Agrippina the Younger. And no story of incest would be complete without the tale of Oedipus, who brought shame and ruin to himself and his city for marrying his mother. These tales were (and still are) told to children to impart lessons on morality, civility and health.

A lot of things are told to children that shouldn’t be. Children are made to feel bad because of their innate feelings and normal activities.

She goes on to write about the concept of the Westermarck effect, Genetic Sexual Attraction, the marriages of European royalty and other people who married cousins, inheritance, and affinity marriages before wrapping it up.

Despite religious condemnation, legal disapproval and social discontent, history has shown that the practice was generally accepted among some of the world’s greatest leaders, thinkers and poets…The question of its morality is not what’s being debated here, this dialogue is to bring attention to the fact that by treating consanguineous marriage as abnormal and taboo, we fail to recognize it as a pervasive component in history, and in doing so only half the story will ever be heard.

How about we stop treating people badly or as second class citizens because of the people they love? Then the full story will be told.

Read more »

Posted in: consanguineous,cousins,siblings

Consanguineous Marriages in Ancient and Recent History

Katrina Majkut wrote an interesting article that is mostly about cousin marriage, but also deals with other forms.

Laws preventing consanguineous marriages still exist, but more-than-friendly brother-sister relations still occur like out of a V.C. Andrews novel. The latest international news story was about a German couple in 2001: As a result of their amorous affection, they bore 4 children, 2 of whom have disabilities, did hard time, and love still survived.

Yes, and other couples who not related beyond the degree that any of us are related also have children with disabilities. Two of the four children in that case don’t have disabilities.

While today sibling relationships are both taboo and illegal, there was a time when it was widely practiced, and even encouraged in order to prevent the tainting of royal bloodlines. Before Mark Anthony, Cleopatra VII was married to her brother Ptolemy XIII, and she was the offspring of a sibling marriage as well. While technically illegal during Roman times, it is said that Roman Emperor Caligula did the deed with all three of his sisters, Julia Livilla, Drusilla, and Agrippina the Younger. And no story of incest would be complete without the tale of Oedipus, who brought shame and ruin to himself and his city for marrying his mother. These tales were (and still are) told to children to impart lessons on morality, civility and health.

A lot of things are told to children that shouldn’t be. Children are made to feel bad because of their innate feelings and normal activities.

She goes on to write about the concept of the Westermarck effect, Genetic Sexual Attraction, the marriages of European royalty and other people who married cousins, inheritance, and affinity marriages before wrapping it up.

Despite religious condemnation, legal disapproval and social discontent, history has shown that the practice was generally accepted among some of the world’s greatest leaders, thinkers and poets…The question of its morality is not what’s being debated here, this dialogue is to bring attention to the fact that by treating consanguineous marriage as abnormal and taboo, we fail to recognize it as a pervasive component in history, and in doing so only half the story will ever be heard.

How about we stop treating people badly or as second class citizens because of the people they love? Then the full story will be told.

Read more »

Posted in: consanguineous,cousins,siblings

Response to Jeremy Irons: So What?

Actor Jeremy Irons commenting on the limited same-gender freedom to marry, asking if fathers might marry their sons to tax purposes.

So what if they did? To me, it sounds like the problem could be in how the taxes work. This blog is NOT about tax policy, so that's all I have to say about that. This blog IS about freedom of association and relationship rights, including full marriage equality. So, if a father wants to marry his adult son, for whatever reasons, it shouldn't be anyone else's business.

My response to Irons and anyone opposing equality:

What's wrong with letting consenting adults have the relationships they want?

No, gay marriage is not the same thing as incest. Most consanguineous relationships are between heterosexuals, after all. But there are gays and lesbians who'd marry a close relative if they could. We should not forget that, not fail to stick up for their rights, too.

Read more »

Posted in: boundaries,consanguineous,father-son,freedom to marry,incest,marriage equality,prejudice,same-sex,solidarity

Response to Jeremy Irons: So What?

Actor Jeremy Irons commenting on the limited same-gender freedom to marry, asking if fathers might marry their sons to tax purposes.

So what if they did? To me, it sounds like the problem could be in how the taxes work. This blog is NOT about tax policy, so that's all I have to say about that. This blog IS about freedom of association and relationship rights, including full marriage equality. So, if a father wants to marry his adult son, for whatever reasons, it shouldn't be anyone else's business.

My response to Irons and anyone opposing equality:

What's wrong with letting consenting adults have the relationships they want?

No, gay marriage is not the same thing as incest. Most consanguineous relationships are between heterosexuals, after all. But there are gays and lesbians who'd marry a close relative if they could. We should not forget that, not fail to stick up for their rights, too.

Read more »

Posted in: boundaries,consanguineous,father-son,freedom to marry,incest,marriage equality,prejudice,same-sex,solidarity

Consanguineous Relationships Might Provide Medical Cures

A friend of FME alerted me to this dailymail.co.uk article by Amanda Williams about an interesting scientific finding in Ecuador.

They are completely free of two of the most debilitating illnesses - diabetes and cancer.

Now scientists hope a community of dwarfs living in a remote corner of Ecuador could hold the key to a cure for both.

The Laron dwarfs, who have a condition believed to be caused by inbreeding, appear to be completely immune to cancer and other age and lifestyle associated diseases.

People who inherit the genetic defect are in perfect proportion but grow only to an average height of 4ft.

For more than 24 years, endocrinologists Jaime Guevara-Aguirre (top left) and Arlan Rosenbloom (top right) have tracked a population of Ecuadorians dwarves who seem to be immune to cancer

Does this mean anything for others? Well, it might...

Now scientists are developing a drug which they hope will do artificially what the genetic defect in Laron syndrome does naturally - protect against DNA damage that fuels cancer growth. 

There's a lot more to this interesting story.

The fact is, inbreeding isn't always detrimental. There can been good results or bad results from inbreeding because recessive genes could have beneficial or detrimental effects. While this blog is here to support relationship rights for all adults, including full marriage equality, we neither encourage nor discourage close relatives from having genetic children together. But we do discourage ignorant statements about the children of close relatives (most of whom are healthy), and we think whether or not adults have children together is decision that should be between them, and whichever medical professionals they choose to involve.

Read more »

Posted in: children,consanguineous,cousins,Latin America,science

Welcome Bill Muehlenberg Readers

If you read what Mr. Muehlenberg wrote closely, he didn't explain his objection to full marriage equality or what I've written at this blog. It appears to be that his religious beliefs do not support it. Well, OK, he doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want to, and neither do you. You don't have to marry anyone you don't want to (even if your church pressures you to.) But should you have the right to deny other adults their consensual relationships? That is imposing your religion on them. I've addressed argument you might have heard against marriage equality. Please take a read. You can still hold your religious beliefs and recognize that other adults should have their freedom of association.

You should also read about people who love each other very much who are being hurt as long as full marriage equality isn't in place. Why would you want to hurt them?

Full marriage equality is inevitable. Please stop trying to deny other adults their rights and instead direct your efforts to something useful, like fighting predators, feeding the hungry, providing shelter to the homeless, etc. Every minute you spend fighting equality in futility is a minute you could have spent fighting against rape.

Read more »

Welcome Bill Muehlenberg Readers

If you read what Mr. Muehlenberg wrote closely, he didn't explain his objection to full marriage equality or what I've written at this blog. It appears to be that his religious beliefs do not support it. Well, OK, he doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want to, and neither do you. You don't have to marry anyone you don't want to (even if your church pressures you to.) But should you have the right to deny other adults their consensual relationships? That is imposing your religion on them. I've addressed argument you might have heard against marriage equality. Please take a read. You can still hold your religious beliefs and recognize that other adults should have their freedom of association.

You should also read about people who love each other very much who are being hurt as long as full marriage equality isn't in place. Why would you want to hurt them?

Full marriage equality is inevitable. Please stop trying to deny other adults their rights and instead direct your efforts to something useful, like fighting predators, feeding the hungry, providing shelter to the homeless, etc. Every minute you spend fighting equality in futility is a minute you could have spent fighting against rape.

Read more »

We're Closely Related But That May Be Changing

Steve Jones reports at telegraph.co.uk on the reality of the human race, and how closely we're related in some cases, but that the trend is towards an increase in genetic diversity.

Islanders, from the Orkneys to the Adriatic (together with natives of the Americas, which was, until Columbus, the biggest and most isolated island in the world) have lots of such things – evidence of plenty of sex within the family, no doubt because no other option was available.

Across the world, such patterns match those of surnames. A fifth of all Chinese – three hundred million people – share three names, evidence of how connected lineages have become since the titles first appeared millennia ago. In France, the average number of bearers of a particular surname is 17, and in Britain it is 28. In China, the number is 70,000 (which almost reconciles me to being a Jones).

He goes on to discuss genetic diseases. 

A new survey of this kind involved 5,000 random (and supposedly unrelated) Europeans. It revealed hundreds of thousands of previously unknown family links among them, even if one goes back no further than ninth cousins (whose shared ancestor lived at around the time of the French Revolution).

There were, for example, around 30,000 predicted fourth-cousin pairs (a shared great-great-great-grandparent). As a result, taking all family ties into account, the person you sat next to on the bus this morning is, on average, likely to be something like your sixth cousin, which means that the two of you probably share at least one ancestor from the time of the Paris Commune.

You don't have to go too far back in the family tree to find close relatives.

Finns (who have a history separate from that of the rest of the continent) and Ashkenazi Jews are even more likely to have close family ties; while in parts of Pakistan, the average relationship of two random people is that of second cousins, with their common ancestor alive at the time of the fall of France.

Sir Thomas Beecham (had he ever met a Pakistani, or even a Welshman) would no doubt have been outraged. But he can begin to cheer up, for in the Western world incest (or at least inbreeding) is on the way out. The proportion of people who identify themselves as of mixed race in Britain has almost doubled in the past couple of decades, and one household in eight contains members of different ethnic origins. For about half of the nation’s children with an Afro-Caribbean parent, the other parent is white, so that on these islands the pedigrees of two continents will soon merge. The process actually began long ago: seven Yorkshiremen bear the surname Revis (after Rievaulx Abbey in the county). Each carries a Y chromosome that came from West Africa, perhaps in the 18th century. It is now being joined by millions more.

Just think... there used to be people who prohibited interracial dating, marriages, and parenting, but children of interracial parents were actually the least likely to have parents who were committing "incest."

His overall point is that for much of human history, people in various regions have been closely related, but now with increased mobility that is changing. I'll point out, though, that studies still show that most people are attracted to people who look like them and that that the increased mobility is one of the factors that is going to lead to an increase in cases of Genetic Sexual Attraction. In the past, when a performing artists, sailor, soldier, other traveling professional, or a tourist became a party to a conception, there was little chance the parent would see their progeny, and even less of a chance that other children of parent would meet up with that progeny. Same thing when divorcing parents have moved thousands of miles apart and had children with new spouses. That's not so anymore.

Read more »

Posted in: consanguineous,cousins,Europe,GSA,human origins,incest,science

We're Closely Related But That May Be Changing

Steve Jones reports at telegraph.co.uk on the reality of the human race, and how closely we're related in some cases, but that the trend is towards an increase in genetic diversity.

Islanders, from the Orkneys to the Adriatic (together with natives of the Americas, which was, until Columbus, the biggest and most isolated island in the world) have lots of such things – evidence of plenty of sex within the family, no doubt because no other option was available.

Across the world, such patterns match those of surnames. A fifth of all Chinese – three hundred million people – share three names, evidence of how connected lineages have become since the titles first appeared millennia ago. In France, the average number of bearers of a particular surname is 17, and in Britain it is 28. In China, the number is 70,000 (which almost reconciles me to being a Jones).

He goes on to discuss genetic diseases. 

A new survey of this kind involved 5,000 random (and supposedly unrelated) Europeans. It revealed hundreds of thousands of previously unknown family links among them, even if one goes back no further than ninth cousins (whose shared ancestor lived at around the time of the French Revolution).

There were, for example, around 30,000 predicted fourth-cousin pairs (a shared great-great-great-grandparent). As a result, taking all family ties into account, the person you sat next to on the bus this morning is, on average, likely to be something like your sixth cousin, which means that the two of you probably share at least one ancestor from the time of the Paris Commune.

You don't have to go too far back in the family tree to find close relatives.

Finns (who have a history separate from that of the rest of the continent) and Ashkenazi Jews are even more likely to have close family ties; while in parts of Pakistan, the average relationship of two random people is that of second cousins, with their common ancestor alive at the time of the fall of France.

Sir Thomas Beecham (had he ever met a Pakistani, or even a Welshman) would no doubt have been outraged. But he can begin to cheer up, for in the Western world incest (or at least inbreeding) is on the way out. The proportion of people who identify themselves as of mixed race in Britain has almost doubled in the past couple of decades, and one household in eight contains members of different ethnic origins. For about half of the nation’s children with an Afro-Caribbean parent, the other parent is white, so that on these islands the pedigrees of two continents will soon merge. The process actually began long ago: seven Yorkshiremen bear the surname Revis (after Rievaulx Abbey in the county). Each carries a Y chromosome that came from West Africa, perhaps in the 18th century. It is now being joined by millions more.

Just think... there used to be people who prohibited interracial dating, marriages, and parenting, but children of interracial parents were actually the least likely to have parents who were committing "incest."

His overall point is that for much of human history, people in various regions have been closely related, but now with increased mobility that is changing. I'll point out, though, that studies still show that most people are attracted to people who look like them and that that the increased mobility is one of the factors that is going to lead to an increase in cases of Genetic Sexual Attraction. In the past, when a performing artists, sailor, soldier, other traveling professional, or a tourist became a party to a conception, there was little chance the parent would see their progeny, and even less of a chance that other children of parent would meet up with that progeny. Same thing when divorcing parents have moved thousands of miles apart and had children with new spouses. That's not so anymore.

Read more »

Posted in: consanguineous,cousins,Europe,GSA,human origins,incest,science

Democrat US Senators, Uruguay Evolve Towards Equality

The good news just keeps coming. Individual Democrats in the US Senate have been announcing, one after the other, that they support marriage equality, or at least the limited same-gender freedom to marry. now the country of Uruguay is poised to adopt the limited same-gender freedom to marry. We continue to make progress in the right direction. Keep evolving, Senators!

Here's what I suggest as an announcement in support of full marriage equality...

An adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race, or religion, should be free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage with any and all consenting adults, without prosecution, harassment, or discrimination.

It is important to remember that, in the US (and much of this applies in other countries as well)...

1. There are adults, and in some cases their children, suffering right now because of discriminatory laws preventing them from marrying or even just being together. If we really care about children, equality, stability, security, and valuing family, we will let people decide for themselves what kind of relationships they will have, including marriage, if they want to marry.

2. As US Supreme Court precedent states, marriage is a fundamental civil right.

3. As Court precedent states, consensual sex is part of the liberty protected by due process under the Fourteenth Amendment.

4. As Court precedent states, when the government intrudes on choices concerning family living arrangements, the usual deference to the legislature is inappropriate, and the Court must examine carefully the importance of the governmental interests advanced and the extent to which they are served by the challenged regulation.

5. Freedom of association for consenting adults is a basic Constitutional right. Just as there is no good reason to ban interracial relationships or marriage, there is no good reason to ban same-gender relationships or marriages, polyamorous relationships or polygamous marriages, or consanguinamorous relationships or consanguineous marriages. There is no good reason to limit marriage to narrowly exogamous heterosexual couples.

6. Freedom of religion is a basic Constitutional right. One group’s religion should not deny the rights of other consenting adults to be together or marry. Conversely, some religions recognize or promote marriages currently banned under laws in most or all fifty states, depending on the marriages.

7. A legislation or a Court ruling recognizing relationship rights and full marriage equality for all adults will provide what the Constitution requires: equal protection, rather than a piecemeal approach of this freedom to marry or that form of civil union. Equality just for some, or in some aspects but not others, or in this state but not that state, is notequality. The Constitutional principles of equal protection, freedom of association, freedom of religion, and the right to privacy, along with basic fairness, rational reflection, and compassion, necessitate that the US government ensure the rights of all adults.


8. The momentum within the US, neighboring countries, and the modern world is for marriage equality. Full marriage equality is inevitable, as even many opponents of equality admit. So it is pointless to drag the fight out. The Court can end the uncertainties and inconsistencies, and end the hateful, destructive, confusing, costly state-by-state fights that often pit older generations against younger generations, by putting the US on the right side of history sooner rather than later and recognizing relationship rights for all adults. More and more US states are adopting the limited same-gender freedom to marry. Many others have domestic partnerships or civil unions. Utah criminalizespolyamory while other states allow polyamory but do not protect polyamorists and deny the polygamous and polyamorous freedom to marry. Some states allow first cousins to marry monogamously without restriction, other states allow them to marry with restrictions, some states ban this freedom to marry entirely, and a couple of states even criminalize sex between first cousins. Some states allowing any adults who are closer relatives their sexual rights with each other while other states ban those rights.

9. Full marriage equality will end inequalities and confusion in immigration policies.

10. Recognizing relationships rights, including full marriage equality, for all adults is good for business, as many businesses have publicly stated. Their employees will no longer be treated as second-class citizens, their human resources departments will not have to deal with state-by-state conflicts, and employees will be free to move (temporarily or permanently) from one location to another without facing different restrictions on their relationships.

11. Government employees, including the men and women serving in our military, will not have to face different restrictions on their relationships from place to place.

Nobody should fear being arrested and imprisoned for having a consensual relationship with other adults.

Nobody should be denied the freedom to marry other consenting adults.

There are people who love each other, who have been living as spouses, even have children together, who are denied their rights, who need and want full marriage equality.

Let’s get on the right side of history sooner rather than later, and put the hate, bigotry, and bullying behind us. Elected officials and the US Supreme Court should protect the rights of all adults in all states.

Read more »

Posted in: allies,freedom to marry,Latin America,law,politicians,USA

Democrat US Senators, Uruguay Evolve Towards Equality

The good news just keeps coming. Individual Democrats in the US Senate have been announcing, one after the other, that they support marriage equality, or at least the limited same-gender freedom to marry. now the country of Uruguay is poised to adopt the limited same-gender freedom to marry. We continue to make progress in the right direction. Keep evolving, Senators!

Here's what I suggest as an announcement in support of full marriage equality...

An adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race, or religion, should be free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage with any and all consenting adults, without prosecution, harassment, or discrimination.

It is important to remember that, in the US (and much of this applies in other countries as well)...

1. There are adults, and in some cases their children, suffering right now because of discriminatory laws preventing them from marrying or even just being together. If we really care about children, equality, stability, security, and valuing family, we will let people decide for themselves what kind of relationships they will have, including marriage, if they want to marry.

2. As US Supreme Court precedent states, marriage is a fundamental civil right.

3. As Court precedent states, consensual sex is part of the liberty protected by due process under the Fourteenth Amendment.

4. As Court precedent states, when the government intrudes on choices concerning family living arrangements, the usual deference to the legislature is inappropriate, and the Court must examine carefully the importance of the governmental interests advanced and the extent to which they are served by the challenged regulation.

5. Freedom of association for consenting adults is a basic Constitutional right. Just as there is no good reason to ban interracial relationships or marriage, there is no good reason to ban same-gender relationships or marriages, polyamorous relationships or polygamous marriages, or consanguinamorous relationships or consanguineous marriages. There is no good reason to limit marriage to narrowly exogamous heterosexual couples.

6. Freedom of religion is a basic Constitutional right. One group’s religion should not deny the rights of other consenting adults to be together or marry. Conversely, some religions recognize or promote marriages currently banned under laws in most or all fifty states, depending on the marriages.

7. A legislation or a Court ruling recognizing relationship rights and full marriage equality for all adults will provide what the Constitution requires: equal protection, rather than a piecemeal approach of this freedom to marry or that form of civil union. Equality just for some, or in some aspects but not others, or in this state but not that state, is notequality. The Constitutional principles of equal protection, freedom of association, freedom of religion, and the right to privacy, along with basic fairness, rational reflection, and compassion, necessitate that the US government ensure the rights of all adults.


8. The momentum within the US, neighboring countries, and the modern world is for marriage equality. Full marriage equality is inevitable, as even many opponents of equality admit. So it is pointless to drag the fight out. The Court can end the uncertainties and inconsistencies, and end the hateful, destructive, confusing, costly state-by-state fights that often pit older generations against younger generations, by putting the US on the right side of history sooner rather than later and recognizing relationship rights for all adults. More and more US states are adopting the limited same-gender freedom to marry. Many others have domestic partnerships or civil unions. Utah criminalizespolyamory while other states allow polyamory but do not protect polyamorists and deny the polygamous and polyamorous freedom to marry. Some states allow first cousins to marry monogamously without restriction, other states allow them to marry with restrictions, some states ban this freedom to marry entirely, and a couple of states even criminalize sex between first cousins. Some states allowing any adults who are closer relatives their sexual rights with each other while other states ban those rights.

9. Full marriage equality will end inequalities and confusion in immigration policies.

10. Recognizing relationships rights, including full marriage equality, for all adults is good for business, as many businesses have publicly stated. Their employees will no longer be treated as second-class citizens, their human resources departments will not have to deal with state-by-state conflicts, and employees will be free to move (temporarily or permanently) from one location to another without facing different restrictions on their relationships.

11. Government employees, including the men and women serving in our military, will not have to face different restrictions on their relationships from place to place.

Nobody should fear being arrested and imprisoned for having a consensual relationship with other adults.

Nobody should be denied the freedom to marry other consenting adults.

There are people who love each other, who have been living as spouses, even have children together, who are denied their rights, who need and want full marriage equality.

Let’s get on the right side of history sooner rather than later, and put the hate, bigotry, and bullying behind us. Elected officials and the US Supreme Court should protect the rights of all adults in all states.

Read more »

Posted in: allies,freedom to marry,Latin America,law,politicians,USA

When Monogamy is Expected

Most people who aren't actively trying to deny reality know that people are born with their gender-sexual orientation (whether there is some flexibility to it or not), whether that is heterosexual, gay or lesbian,  bisexual, etc. Relational-sexual orientation is the same way. There are people who are monogamous, people who are polyamorous, and just as there are bisexuals, who can be fulfilled being with either a man or a woman, there are also people who can be fulfilled whether they are in a monogamous relationship or polyamorous relationship. I haven't discovered the term for that yet. 

Many people now understand that one of the harms caused by discrimination against LGBT people has been some people hiding their sexual orientation to the point where they involve someone else who is unaware. Think of gay men who have married women who did not know that their husband was gay, and the pain that has inflicted on both of them and others.

To some extent, the same thing has happened with some people who are polyamorous and need polyamory. They may have committed to monogamy, may have a great partner our spouse and many be great in return, but they still seek, say, emotional relationships with others to the point where the other partner feels cheated on, or that they're the victim of an emotional affair.

Ideally, people would gain enough self-understanding about their own sexuality and relationship needs before entering into commitments, but in addition to the pervasive discrimination against LGBT people, there has been similar discrimination against polyamory and polyamorous people. Monogamy, or at least pretending at it, has been presented as the only acceptable relationship model in so much of the world, perhaps allowing for non-committal "hooking up" when not in a relationship. The problem is, very few people are, on a lifelong basis, monogamous both physically and emotionally. And with the pressure to conform to monogamy, some people enter into relationships with promises they can't keep, or come the realization that they are at least poly-curious when they are in what was agreed to be a monogamous relationship.

I got to thinking about all of this because of a letter written to Miss Lonelyhearts at winnipegfreepress.com that presented a common problem.

My new girlfriend wants me to try a polyamorous lifestyle. I admit I met her at the last fetish ball in town, but I had no idea she was that far along the track. I don't mind anything we do together as a couple, but I am not the least bit interested in other people. OMG! I am a pudgy nerd of a guy and it scares me (and would embarrass me) to get undressed to do anything sexual, except with my lady. But it is hard for me to find a girlfriend.

This fellow is insecure, unfortunately and very self-conscious. That is a big reason he finds it difficult to find a girlfriend.

 

I wonder just how "new" of a girlfriend she is, and if she either waited too long to explain she is polyamorous or poly-curious, if he's calling her "my" girlfriend too quickly and she is telling him as soon as he needed to know, or if she just became curious? We have no way of knowing.

 

But we do know she has told him what she wants. He's afraid of losing her, but if someone is unwilling or unable to give a boyfriend or girlfriend what they want, they're usually going to lose them anyway. He should not agree to be polyamorous if he truly needs monogamy, but it sounds from his letter that it more of insecurity issue instead. Whether this woman continues to see him or not, he needs to address his feelings about himself.

There are "pudgy nerd" guys (and girls!) who are happily in polyamorous relationships, and are very much valued by their partners, some of whom are not pudgy or nerdy.

The larger issue presented in the letter is that we need to allow people to be themselves, without trying to force them through a narrow, hetero-monogamous doorway. Allowing people to be themselves and to have the relationships in which they'll best function will leave us all better off. That's one reason I stand up for full marriage equality.

Read more »

Posted in: boundaries,coming out,lack of equality harms,polyamory