Siblings Sharing Rooms

At babycenter.com, Samantha Schoech penned something headlined "How long can a sister and brother share a room?" Well, around here, we know it can be for life. But she's dealing with this as a parenting matter.

I want my kids to have their own rooms eventually. It’s not a gender thing. I don’t really have a problem with a brother and sister sharing a room until high school (at least I think I don’t).

For me it’s more about allowing twins to have their own space and identities. When you are a twin, you are almost always with your sibling. People lump you together, assume you are the same, and force you to share what other kids don’t have to. It’s sort of the reason we put them in separate classrooms at school.

As many of the comments pointed out, for most of human history in most places of the world, siblings shared bedrooms with each other, if not their parents. In many parts of the US in recent years, affluence has allowed (or laws have mandated) that siblings have, if not their own rooms, different rooms for different genders.

Here are some of the responses...

Danny's Momma says:

August 8, 2012 at 10:00 am

My husband’s cousins are 21 and 23 (brother and sister) and they have shared a room their entire lives. Their parents have this cute but really tiny 2 bedroom house. They say they don’t mind sharing a room (they have a curtain in the middle between the beds for privacy). They get along well but they’re not “creepy close” or anything like that.

If someone thinks it is "creepy" for siblings to be close, siblings who are close are not likely to let on that they are that close.

Stacey says:

August 8, 2012 at 1:14 pm

I moved to Italy when I was 22 and I remember going to visit a friend who had had knee surgery and was recuperating at home. I went with my then-boyfriend (now husband) to check up on him and was totally amazed to see that this 25yo living at home still shared a bedroom with his 22yo sister! Especially because when touring the house I saw that there was a large furnished attic being used as a rec-type room. So, one of them could have moved up there if they’d wanted to (I imagine). It’s true that space is really limited here and it’s a culture that doesn’t encourage young people to move out until marriage/cohabitation, but I was really surprised. Given that, I think their relationship is completely normal.

It could be sexual and normal.

Jaime says:

August 9, 2012 at 3:52 pm

My 13 year old boy/girl twins shared a room until they were 4 and still have separate rooms today. However, more often than not my son ends up sleeping on my daughters floor or on her couch to the point that I’ve considered giving his room to my 3 year old who shares with me.

And...

Beverly says:

August 9, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Sometimes it is a necessity to sleep in the same room. When I was growing up we lived in a 1 bedroom apartment. I slept in a small bed in the dining room until I was 9. My brother slept in our parents’ room until the age of 5. Then we moved to a 2 bedroom apartment where my brother and I shared a room until I was 20 and he was 16. No problems. Then we moved again to a 3 bedroom apt. where we each finally got our own room.

And...

Steph says:
August 10, 2012 at 9:58 am
My mom and her brother (2 years younger than her) shared a bedroom until she moved out when she got married…just before she turned 21. I don’t see anything wrong with it.

Siblings sharing a room doesn't mean something will happen, nor is giving each sibling their own room a surefire way to make sure something won't happen. What is important that is that one sibling is not allowed to violate the boundaries of another sibling. Privacy must be respected. Also, if siblings close in age do explore or experiment per the consent of all, it isn't something for parents to freak out about."item"'>At babycenter.com, Samantha Schoech penned something headlined "How long can a sister and brother share a room?" Well, around here, we know it can be for life. But she's dealing with this as a parenting matter.

I want my kids to have their own rooms eventually. It’s not a gender thing. I don’t really have a problem with a brother and sister sharing a room until high school (at least I think I don’t).

For me it’s more about allowing twins to have their own space and identities. When you are a twin, you are almost always with your sibling. People lump you together, assume you are the same, and force you to share what other kids don’t have to. It’s sort of the reason we put them in separate classrooms at school.

As many of the comments pointed out, for most of human history in most places of the world, siblings shared bedrooms with each other, if not their parents. In many parts of the US in recent years, affluence has allowed (or laws have mandated) that siblings have, if not their own rooms, different rooms for different genders.

Here are some of the responses...

Danny's Momma says:

August 8, 2012 at 10:00 am

My husband’s cousins are 21 and 23 (brother and sister) and they have shared a room their entire lives. Their parents have this cute but really tiny 2 bedroom house. They say they don’t mind sharing a room (they have a curtain in the middle between the beds for privacy). They get along well but they’re not “creepy close” or anything like that.

If someone thinks it is "creepy" for siblings to be close, siblings who are close are not likely to let on that they are that close.

Stacey says:

August 8, 2012 at 1:14 pm

I moved to Italy when I was 22 and I remember going to visit a friend who had had knee surgery and was recuperating at home. I went with my then-boyfriend (now husband) to check up on him and was totally amazed to see that this 25yo living at home still shared a bedroom with his 22yo sister! Especially because when touring the house I saw that there was a large furnished attic being used as a rec-type room. So, one of them could have moved up there if they’d wanted to (I imagine). It’s true that space is really limited here and it’s a culture that doesn’t encourage young people to move out until marriage/cohabitation, but I was really surprised. Given that, I think their relationship is completely normal.

It could be sexual and normal.

Jaime says:

August 9, 2012 at 3:52 pm

My 13 year old boy/girl twins shared a room until they were 4 and still have separate rooms today. However, more often than not my son ends up sleeping on my daughters floor or on her couch to the point that I’ve considered giving his room to my 3 year old who shares with me.

And...

Beverly says:

August 9, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Sometimes it is a necessity to sleep in the same room. When I was growing up we lived in a 1 bedroom apartment. I slept in a small bed in the dining room until I was 9. My brother slept in our parents’ room until the age of 5. Then we moved to a 2 bedroom apartment where my brother and I shared a room until I was 20 and he was 16. No problems. Then we moved again to a 3 bedroom apt. where we each finally got our own room.

And...

Steph says:
August 10, 2012 at 9:58 am
My mom and her brother (2 years younger than her) shared a bedroom until she moved out when she got married…just before she turned 21. I don’t see anything wrong with it.

Siblings sharing a room doesn't mean something will happen, nor is giving each sibling their own room a surefire way to make sure something won't happen. What is important that is that one sibling is not allowed to violate the boundaries of another sibling. Privacy must be respected. Also, if siblings close in age do explore or experiment per the consent of all, it isn't something for parents to freak out about.

Posted in: boundaries,siblings