IRS Recognizes Same-Sex Marriage

By: Timothy P. Flynn

Yesterday, in the wake of the momentous SCOTUS decision in June striking down DOMA as unconstitutional, the all-powerful Internal Revenue Service formally announced recognition of same-sex marriages for all income, gift and estate tax purposes.  While same-sex couples must be legally married, they do not need to reside in a state that recognizes such marriages at the time of the tax filing.

In announcing the new IRS ruling, the Department of Treasury stated:

Under the ruling, same sex couples will be treated as married for all federal tax purposes, including income and gift and estate taxes. The ruling applies to all federal tax provisions where marriage is a factor, including filing status, claiming personal and dependency exemptions, taking the standard deduction, employee benefits, contributing to an IRA, and claiming the earned income tax credit or child tax credit.

The IRS also made clear, however, that same-sex unions, domestic partnerships, or other similar formal relationships will not be recognized for tax purposes.

One immediate benefit of the new policy is that legally married same-sex couples can seek tax refunds by filing amended returns for the years 2010, 2011, and 2012.  Additionally, empolyees who are in a legally recognized same-sex marriage that purchased spousal health insurance coverage from their employers can now exclude the insurance premiums from their taxable income.

The policy ruling certainly provides clarity on fiscal issues that have plagued same-sex marriages for decades. Treasury's press release provides coherent tax filing guidance for contributing tax payers that happen to be in same-sex marriages; now such couples can attain the benefits and protections to which every tax-paying citizen is entitled.

To date, 12 states recognize such marriages with several more that appear to be on the way.  While most state legislatures are getting around to addressing the issue of same-sex marriage, either through constitutional amendments banning such marriages, or through legislation recognizing them, New Mexico is addressing the issue through its judges on a county-by-county basis.  This will be the topic of the next Law Blogger post.

Refunds:
If you wish to apply for an income tax refund, use IRS Form 1040X Amended Individual Income Tax Return; refunds from estate or gift tax payments; use Form 843 Claim for Refund and Request for Abatement.  Good luck.

www.clarkstonlegal.com
info@clarkstonlegal.com

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Posted in: income tax,IRS,same-sex marriage,SCOTUS

Polyandry and Prejudice in Kenya

I'm not sure why this has become such big news. Two men love the same woman. They want a polyandrous marriage. What's the big deal? From npr.org...

Polygamy is fairly common in Kenya but one forthcoming marriage is turning that custom on its head. A Kenyan woman not wanting to choose between the two men she loves, decided she will marry both of them. The men have agreed, and the trio even signed a contract to "set boundaries and keep the peace."

This happens every day all over the world.

From bbc.co.uk...

The agreement sets out a rota for Sylvester Mwendwa and Elijah Kimani to stay in her house and states they will both help raise any children she bears.

Mr Mwendwa told the BBC he loved the woman and said the contract would "set boundaries" and "keep the peace".

Lawyers said the "marriage" would only be recognised if they could prove polyandry - a woman having more than one husband - was part of their custom.

How about simply recognizing that adults should be free to marry each other?

Mr Mwendwa said her parents had given their blessing, while he is planning to pay the bride price.

The woman, a widow with two children, did not want to be named.

Mr Mwendwa told the BBC he did not marry the woman simply to satisfy his sexual desires but because he loved her and, most of all, her children.

The scrutiny has not been without cost. From standardmedia.co.ke comes this report from Willis Oketch..

A woman who was alleged to have been married to two men in Mombasa now wants to sue for damages over claims that her name has been tarnished.

And...

But one of the lovers, a 26 year-old man Mr Sylvester Mwenda who signed the agreement is believed to have been shown the door over unexplained circumstances.

Mr Mwenda admitted he was in love with the woman, he believes she was the only woman he loves and was ready to do anything to please her.

He explained that his love for the woman was so deep and was ready to do anything, including sharing her with another man.

How many other relationships are like this? Why is this news? What should be news is someone getting fired from their job for having a consensual adult relationship. From ntv.co.ke...

A man involved in a polyandrous relationship in Mombasa is now seeking help after losing his job and attracting condemnation from society. Sylvester Mwendwa is now seeking help from mens rights organisation, Maendeleo Ya Wanaume after his confession set him on a collision course with close friends and family. Brenda Wanga reports that despite the hue and cry that has come in the wake of that confession, Mwendwa says he would do it again. 

And finally, there's Safa Jinje's piece in theglobeandmail.com...

Polyandry – the practice of a woman having more than one mating partner at a time – is not as prevalent as polygyny, which is recognized in various patriarchal societies. Traditionally, polyandry has been found in egalitarian societies where fertile women are scarce, the result of a slanted ratio between men and women; or in societies where high male mortality or absenteeism rates create a higher demand for fathers.

 Why shouldn't a woman be free to marry two men, if all agree? There's no good reason.

Read more »

Posted in: Africa,coming out,freedom to marry,Kenya,love,media,polyandry,polygamy,prejudice

Polyandry and Prejudice in Kenya

I'm not sure why this has become such big news. Two men love the same woman. They want a polyandrous marriage. What's the big deal? From npr.org...

Polygamy is fairly common in Kenya but one forthcoming marriage is turning that custom on its head. A Kenyan woman not wanting to choose between the two men she loves, decided she will marry both of them. The men have agreed, and the trio even signed a contract to "set boundaries and keep the peace."

This happens every day all over the world.

From bbc.co.uk...

The agreement sets out a rota for Sylvester Mwendwa and Elijah Kimani to stay in her house and states they will both help raise any children she bears.

Mr Mwendwa told the BBC he loved the woman and said the contract would "set boundaries" and "keep the peace".

Lawyers said the "marriage" would only be recognised if they could prove polyandry - a woman having more than one husband - was part of their custom.

How about simply recognizing that adults should be free to marry each other?

Mr Mwendwa said her parents had given their blessing, while he is planning to pay the bride price.

The woman, a widow with two children, did not want to be named.

Mr Mwendwa told the BBC he did not marry the woman simply to satisfy his sexual desires but because he loved her and, most of all, her children.

The scrutiny has not been without cost. From standardmedia.co.ke comes this report from Willis Oketch..

A woman who was alleged to have been married to two men in Mombasa now wants to sue for damages over claims that her name has been tarnished.

And...

But one of the lovers, a 26 year-old man Mr Sylvester Mwenda who signed the agreement is believed to have been shown the door over unexplained circumstances.

Mr Mwenda admitted he was in love with the woman, he believes she was the only woman he loves and was ready to do anything to please her.

He explained that his love for the woman was so deep and was ready to do anything, including sharing her with another man.

How many other relationships are like this? Why is this news? What should be news is someone getting fired from their job for having a consensual adult relationship. From ntv.co.ke...

A man involved in a polyandrous relationship in Mombasa is now seeking help after losing his job and attracting condemnation from society. Sylvester Mwendwa is now seeking help from mens rights organisation, Maendeleo Ya Wanaume after his confession set him on a collision course with close friends and family. Brenda Wanga reports that despite the hue and cry that has come in the wake of that confession, Mwendwa says he would do it again. 

And finally, there's Safa Jinje's piece in theglobeandmail.com...

Polyandry – the practice of a woman having more than one mating partner at a time – is not as prevalent as polygyny, which is recognized in various patriarchal societies. Traditionally, polyandry has been found in egalitarian societies where fertile women are scarce, the result of a slanted ratio between men and women; or in societies where high male mortality or absenteeism rates create a higher demand for fathers.

 Why shouldn't a woman be free to marry two men, if all agree? There's no good reason.

Read more »

Posted in: Africa,coming out,freedom to marry,Kenya,love,media,polyandry,polygamy,prejudice

Striving for the Dream Fifty Years Later

Fifty years ago today, one of the most important persons in the history of the US gave one of the best speeches ever made on American soil





Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. inspired and motivated. He opened eyes and ears and changed hearts for the better, advancing civil rights in the US.

King spoke of people of different colors being able live peaceably side by side, arm in arm, not separated by skin color. There is still progress to be made in that aspect of civil rights, and of course there is still much progress to be made when it comes to sexual orientation, gender identity, and relationship orientation.

We need to speed the arrival of the kind of evolved society where people can walk arm in arm "black" and "white," but also male and male, female and female. We need to have the kind of nation where a happy triad or consanguinamorous couple isn't afraid to stroll in the park, arm in arm, exchanging kisses along the way.

History is on our side. Consenting adults will be free to exercise their rights to love, sex, residence, and marriage. We will have full marriage equality.

Read more »

Posted in: boundaries,ENDA,lack of equality harms,prejudice,solidarity,US

Striving for the Dream Fifty Years Later

Fifty years ago today, one of the most important persons in the history of the US gave one of the best speeches ever made on American soil





Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. inspired and motivated. He opened eyes and ears and changed hearts for the better, advancing civil rights in the US.

King spoke of people of different colors being able live peaceably side by side, arm in arm, not separated by skin color. There is still progress to be made in that aspect of civil rights, and of course there is still much progress to be made when it comes to sexual orientation, gender identity, and relationship orientation.

We need to speed the arrival of the kind of evolved society where people can walk arm in arm "black" and "white," but also male and male, female and female. We need to have the kind of nation where a happy triad or consanguinamorous couple isn't afraid to stroll in the park, arm in arm, exchanging kisses along the way.

History is on our side. Consenting adults will be free to exercise their rights to love, sex, residence, and marriage. We will have full marriage equality.

Read more »

Posted in: boundaries,ENDA,lack of equality harms,prejudice,solidarity,US

Australian Couple Denied Their Freedom to Marry

By my count, this is the twenty-second ongoing relationship I've covered through exclusive interviews in which the lovers are denied the freedom to be open about their love and denied their freedom to marry.

"Irene" agreed to be interviewed and "Bob" joined in to answer some questions, too.

Read the interview below and ask yourself if there is one good reason their rights to love each other the way they want should be denied.


*****

FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe your background.

Irene: We are both in our late thirties, Caucasian, and live in Australia. I work as an office administrator and Bob is a mechanic. We both have a tertiary education and come from middle income families with many brothers and sisters, some half, some full and some through our adoptions.




FME: Are you married or have you ever been married?

Irene:  I was married for a long time. The relationship dissolved on good grounds. It wasn't long after the marriage end that our relationship started. We live with my children.

Bob: I’ve never been married.


FME: How would you describe your sexual orientation... are you heterosexual, bisexual, what?

Irene: I’m heterosexual but a little bicurious. He’s heterosexual - alpha male.


FME: You're in a relationship with each other that includes sex? Are you genetic siblings or half-siblings?

Irene: We are genetic siblings and yes the relationship does include sex


FME: How was your relationship with each other growing up? Did you have any contact? If you didn't, how did you connect/reconnect?

Irene: We had no contact growing up after we were given up for adoption. I was a preschooler and he was a toddler when we were put in a children’s home. We didn't meet again until our late teens when the adoption laws in Australia changed and allowed us to find each other. 


FME: How did sexual affection become a part of your relationship? Was it a sudden event or a gradual process?

Irene: It was definitely a sudden event from my point of view. He says that he had been thinking about it and fantasizing about it for a while. He made the first move in my opinion, but he likes to remind me that I didn't argue with him. We had both probably had a few too many drinks that night which helped to let our guards down. My memory of the night is a little more sketchy than his as I don't really drink. I had never heard of GSA before this and don't think I would ever have considered it due to other childhood reasons.


FME: Can you describe your feelings during that event?

Irene: Nervous, curious and excited.  I wanted to touch him and much as he did me. To feel the closeness that we were both looking for at the time.

Bob: It felt naughty but good.

Irene: Legally we both knew that it shouldn't be happening. It has never felt wrong. When we are together it just feels right.


FME: Describe your relationship now. How long have you been together?

Irene: Been 'together' five years committed to each other for three and living as married couple for the past year. He is my brother, best friend, partner, lover and the only person on the planet that can push me to the point that I want to strangle him while I am curled up on his chest. I can't imagine being without him and he has said me to me that we would run away if we had to. 

Bob: She annoys me just like any sister would or any partner in any relationship would. I love it and will always love her.

Irene: I am the same to him as he is to me. I am his rock and he is mine. 


FME: How do you describe your lovemaking now? Taboo? Natural? Especially erotic?

Irene: All of the above. No inhibitions and complete trust. Neither one of us worry about how the either may react to each others fetishes, we are willing to give them a try. We fit together right. The need and/or want is intoxicating. Can't seem to get enough. In all my years of marriage it was never as good as it is with him.

Bob: All of the above as well as very intense. I had never been married and had lived the single life but now I’m finally happy and settled in our relationship and I wouldn't change a thing.


FME: Do you have these kinds of feelings for, or involvements with other family member or relatives? Any experience in the past with sex or experimentation with a family member?

Irene: Never for either one of us.


FME: Does anyone know the full, true nature of your relationship and how did they find out (especially family)? How have they reacted? Are you able to act like a couple in a public place anywhere, such as a place you visit? Does anyone know you as a couple but not as siblings?

Irene: One friend found out at a rather difficult moment of my life. She didn't take it well. She had always hoped that they could have a relationship. She had always had a crush on him and had a one night stand once. She threatened to call child protection and the police. I had to convince her that it wasn’t going on and now don't speak to her anymore. As for family they have had there suspicions but have never had any proof. No one knows us as a couple and we don't tend to be able to go away as I am primary caregiver of my kids.


FME: Is there anything you've had to do to hide the full nature of your relationship? Having to hide can be a lot of trouble. Are there other disadvantages to being in a relationship like this? Conversely, do you think consanguineous relationships have some advantages and some things better than unrelated lovers?

Irene: Only lying when asked about it which is obviously understandable. The disadvantages are huge, such as the inability to behave like a normal couple around family and friends, and not being able to tell people how happy you are. The family are constantly telling us that we should find ourselves someone special, that we don't want to be alone all our lives. You can tell them a thousand times that you are happy but they just say 'yes right now you are but what about later on?' On the flip side I think that the advantage is the level of trust. We know each other better than we know ourselves some times.  He has my back and I have his. We protect each other from the outside world.  Our bedroom is our bubble.  No one can hurt us in here.

Bob: It's just better than other relationships that I’ve have had. That the trust level is stronger and I feel safer in this relationship than I have in others I’ve been in. I know that if I screws up royally she still loves me. 


FME: What do you want to say to people who disapprove of your relationship, or disapprove of anyone having this kind of relationship? What's your reply to those who would say that this is one of you preying on the other (and that you can’t really consent)?

Irene: Bull----! I am neither the prey nor predator and nor is he. We are both very willing participants. If people disapprove that is their business. We don't impart our beliefs on their lives so they can butt out of ours.  We don't ask for their opinions or permission.  Nor do we push our choice on anyone else. 


FME: Aside from the law, can you think of anything that would make relationships like this inherently wrong?

Irene: As long as it’s consensual and both parties are adults we can't see anything wrong with it.


FME: If you could get legally married, and that included protections against discrimination, harassment, etc., would you?

Irene and Bob: Yes.

Irene: I would love to be able to tell the world that we belong to each other.


FME: What advice do you have for someone who may be experiencing feelings for a genetic relative, especially a sibling? What advice do you have for family members and friends who think or know that genetic relatives they know are having these feelings for each other?

Irene: If you haven’t taken the next step forward then don't unless you are completely sure that the feelings are reciprocated or at least a really good chance that this will be the case. The lives that consanguineous couples lead are difficult at times due to the secrecy involved. You don't get a 'normal' life, however if you go down that path really think about it before you make that move. This type of relationship can be incredible but it ebbs and flows like a 'normal' relationship.  

If you’re a family member then read about GSA, try and understand it. Don't make assumptions and then base your opinion on them. Understand that this form of relationship is difficult and that your family members genuinely love each other; this is not necessarily what they would have chosen for each other. Once 'Pandora's Box' has been opened, closing it again is incredibly difficult if not impossible. 


FME: Any plans for the future?

Bob: Keeping the secret and not getting caught. To keep enjoying it for what it is.

Irene: One day we would like to 'run away' i.e. create some distance so that we can try and live a somewhat normal existence. TRAVEL!!! He once told me that he looks forward to walking around Venice, holding my hand and kissing me if he chooses to without fear of being caught. I can't wait to feel that sort of freedom.


FME: Anything else you want to add?

Irene: You can't always choose who you fall in love with, who makes you feel safe and sexy, who you can't be without, who you would move heaven and earth for, who you would give your life for. We can't change how we feel about each other nor do we want to.  Who has the right to tell us that we can't be together?  Does anyone have the right to make us miserable by forcing us to live separate lives?  What is anyone going to gain from that?  I love him with all of my being and he loves me with every thing he has.  That's all that really matters.

Bob: People might not like it, but hopefully one day we can find friends who live near to us that are living in the same type of relationship. Then we wouldn't have to hide all the time. That would be amazing.  



*****


There you have it. Two consenting adults who plan to continue to live as though married, and who will legally marry once they are no longer denied their freedom to marry.

Why should they be denied their rights? There’s no good reason.We need to adopt full marriage equality sooner rather than later, so that an adult is free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage any and all consenting adults. People are being hurt because of a denial of their basic human rights to love each other freely.

You can read other interviews I have done here.

If you are in a relationship like this and are looking for help or others you can talk with, read this.

If you are a family member or friend of someone who is in or may be in such a relationship, please read this.

Thank you to Bob and Irene for sharing their situation with us!

Read more »

Posted in: Australia,brother-sister,consanguineous,GSA,lack of equality harms,love,siblings

Australian Couple Denied Their Freedom to Marry

By my count, this is the twenty-second ongoing relationship I've covered through exclusive interviews in which the lovers are denied the freedom to be open about their love and denied their freedom to marry.

"Irene" agreed to be interviewed and "Bob" joined in to answer some questions, too.

Read the interview below and ask yourself if there is one good reason their rights to love each other the way they want should be denied.


*****

FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe your background.

Irene: We are both in our late thirties, Caucasian, and live in Australia. I work as an office administrator and Bob is a mechanic. We both have a tertiary education and come from middle income families with many brothers and sisters, some half, some full and some through our adoptions.




FME: Are you married or have you ever been married?

Irene:  I was married for a long time. The relationship dissolved on good grounds. It wasn't long after the marriage end that our relationship started. We live with my children.

Bob: I’ve never been married.


FME: How would you describe your sexual orientation... are you heterosexual, bisexual, what?

Irene: I’m heterosexual but a little bicurious. He’s heterosexual - alpha male.


FME: You're in a relationship with each other that includes sex? Are you genetic siblings or half-siblings?

Irene: We are genetic siblings and yes the relationship does include sex


FME: How was your relationship with each other growing up? Did you have any contact? If you didn't, how did you connect/reconnect?

Irene: We had no contact growing up after we were given up for adoption. I was a preschooler and he was a toddler when we were put in a children’s home. We didn't meet again until our late teens when the adoption laws in Australia changed and allowed us to find each other. 


FME: How did sexual affection become a part of your relationship? Was it a sudden event or a gradual process?

Irene: It was definitely a sudden event from my point of view. He says that he had been thinking about it and fantasizing about it for a while. He made the first move in my opinion, but he likes to remind me that I didn't argue with him. We had both probably had a few too many drinks that night which helped to let our guards down. My memory of the night is a little more sketchy than his as I don't really drink. I had never heard of GSA before this and don't think I would ever have considered it due to other childhood reasons.


FME: Can you describe your feelings during that event?

Irene: Nervous, curious and excited.  I wanted to touch him and much as he did me. To feel the closeness that we were both looking for at the time.

Bob: It felt naughty but good.

Irene: Legally we both knew that it shouldn't be happening. It has never felt wrong. When we are together it just feels right.


FME: Describe your relationship now. How long have you been together?

Irene: Been 'together' five years committed to each other for three and living as married couple for the past year. He is my brother, best friend, partner, lover and the only person on the planet that can push me to the point that I want to strangle him while I am curled up on his chest. I can't imagine being without him and he has said me to me that we would run away if we had to. 

Bob: She annoys me just like any sister would or any partner in any relationship would. I love it and will always love her.

Irene: I am the same to him as he is to me. I am his rock and he is mine. 


FME: How do you describe your lovemaking now? Taboo? Natural? Especially erotic?

Irene: All of the above. No inhibitions and complete trust. Neither one of us worry about how the either may react to each others fetishes, we are willing to give them a try. We fit together right. The need and/or want is intoxicating. Can't seem to get enough. In all my years of marriage it was never as good as it is with him.

Bob: All of the above as well as very intense. I had never been married and had lived the single life but now I’m finally happy and settled in our relationship and I wouldn't change a thing.


FME: Do you have these kinds of feelings for, or involvements with other family member or relatives? Any experience in the past with sex or experimentation with a family member?

Irene: Never for either one of us.


FME: Does anyone know the full, true nature of your relationship and how did they find out (especially family)? How have they reacted? Are you able to act like a couple in a public place anywhere, such as a place you visit? Does anyone know you as a couple but not as siblings?

Irene: One friend found out at a rather difficult moment of my life. She didn't take it well. She had always hoped that they could have a relationship. She had always had a crush on him and had a one night stand once. She threatened to call child protection and the police. I had to convince her that it wasn’t going on and now don't speak to her anymore. As for family they have had there suspicions but have never had any proof. No one knows us as a couple and we don't tend to be able to go away as I am primary caregiver of my kids.


FME: Is there anything you've had to do to hide the full nature of your relationship? Having to hide can be a lot of trouble. Are there other disadvantages to being in a relationship like this? Conversely, do you think consanguineous relationships have some advantages and some things better than unrelated lovers?

Irene: Only lying when asked about it which is obviously understandable. The disadvantages are huge, such as the inability to behave like a normal couple around family and friends, and not being able to tell people how happy you are. The family are constantly telling us that we should find ourselves someone special, that we don't want to be alone all our lives. You can tell them a thousand times that you are happy but they just say 'yes right now you are but what about later on?' On the flip side I think that the advantage is the level of trust. We know each other better than we know ourselves some times.  He has my back and I have his. We protect each other from the outside world.  Our bedroom is our bubble.  No one can hurt us in here.

Bob: It's just better than other relationships that I’ve have had. That the trust level is stronger and I feel safer in this relationship than I have in others I’ve been in. I know that if I screws up royally she still loves me. 


FME: What do you want to say to people who disapprove of your relationship, or disapprove of anyone having this kind of relationship? What's your reply to those who would say that this is one of you preying on the other (and that you can’t really consent)?

Irene: Bull----! I am neither the prey nor predator and nor is he. We are both very willing participants. If people disapprove that is their business. We don't impart our beliefs on their lives so they can butt out of ours.  We don't ask for their opinions or permission.  Nor do we push our choice on anyone else. 


FME: Aside from the law, can you think of anything that would make relationships like this inherently wrong?

Irene: As long as it’s consensual and both parties are adults we can't see anything wrong with it.


FME: If you could get legally married, and that included protections against discrimination, harassment, etc., would you?

Irene and Bob: Yes.

Irene: I would love to be able to tell the world that we belong to each other.


FME: What advice do you have for someone who may be experiencing feelings for a genetic relative, especially a sibling? What advice do you have for family members and friends who think or know that genetic relatives they know are having these feelings for each other?

Irene: If you haven’t taken the next step forward then don't unless you are completely sure that the feelings are reciprocated or at least a really good chance that this will be the case. The lives that consanguineous couples lead are difficult at times due to the secrecy involved. You don't get a 'normal' life, however if you go down that path really think about it before you make that move. This type of relationship can be incredible but it ebbs and flows like a 'normal' relationship.  

If you’re a family member then read about GSA, try and understand it. Don't make assumptions and then base your opinion on them. Understand that this form of relationship is difficult and that your family members genuinely love each other; this is not necessarily what they would have chosen for each other. Once 'Pandora's Box' has been opened, closing it again is incredibly difficult if not impossible. 


FME: Any plans for the future?

Bob: Keeping the secret and not getting caught. To keep enjoying it for what it is.

Irene: One day we would like to 'run away' i.e. create some distance so that we can try and live a somewhat normal existence. TRAVEL!!! He once told me that he looks forward to walking around Venice, holding my hand and kissing me if he chooses to without fear of being caught. I can't wait to feel that sort of freedom.


FME: Anything else you want to add?

Irene: You can't always choose who you fall in love with, who makes you feel safe and sexy, who you can't be without, who you would move heaven and earth for, who you would give your life for. We can't change how we feel about each other nor do we want to.  Who has the right to tell us that we can't be together?  Does anyone have the right to make us miserable by forcing us to live separate lives?  What is anyone going to gain from that?  I love him with all of my being and he loves me with every thing he has.  That's all that really matters.

Bob: People might not like it, but hopefully one day we can find friends who live near to us that are living in the same type of relationship. Then we wouldn't have to hide all the time. That would be amazing.  



*****


There you have it. Two consenting adults who plan to continue to live as though married, and who will legally marry once they are no longer denied their freedom to marry.

Why should they be denied their rights? There’s no good reason.We need to adopt full marriage equality sooner rather than later, so that an adult is free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage any and all consenting adults. People are being hurt because of a denial of their basic human rights to love each other freely.

You can read other interviews I have done here.

If you are in a relationship like this and are looking for help or others you can talk with, read this.

If you are a family member or friend of someone who is in or may be in such a relationship, please read this.

Thank you to Bob and Irene for sharing their situation with us!

Read more »

Posted in: Australia,brother-sister,consanguineous,GSA,lack of equality harms,love,siblings

SCOTUS and High Court Activism

Ruth Bader Ginsburg in 1953

By: Timothy P. Flynn

Three years ago, when sworn into the SCOTUS Bar in Washington, D.C., I was lucky enough to get a seat toward the front of the Court's chamber to observe the nine Justices, all still on the court today, up-close and personal. Literally, to the far left on the bench was a diminutive woman; Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

Appointed in 1993 under President Clinton, Justice Ginsburg just recently turned 80. When I saw her listen as the High Court's newest opinions were read to the gathered public a few years ago, she was slouched over in her big black leather chair as if asleep.  Later in the session, I realized she was listening closely and taking notes.

At 80, Justice Ginsburg is sharp, on her game, and regularly in the legal news.  Physically, while she admitted wistfully to the New York Times that her "water-skiing" days are over, she is a  proud survivor of cancer [twice] who has maintained a clean bill of health from the National Institute of Health; the NIH tracks her soundness very closely.

SCOTUS retirement politics runs in cycles across the decades, as Justices age and retire or, rarely, die on the bench like Justice William Rehnquist in 2005.  In the late 1990s, for example, rumors circulated every fall about the health of Justice William Brennan, Jr. who remained on the bench well into his eighties.

It seems that when a Justice hits 80, with a president in the White House that has compatible jurisprudential views, legal scholars and politicians of the same bent emphasize the significance of a compatico-appointment; get while the gettin's good, so to speak.  This is now happening to Justice Ginsburg who, amid a growing chorus to step-aside, states publicly that having a Democrat in the White House will not factor into her decision when to retire.

Justice Ginsburg went on a bit of a publicity tour this spring, giving speeches and interviews to Tier One law schools, lawyers' groups and newspapers on the seminal decisions of the 2012 term.  Of particular note, Justice Ginsburg commented on the same-sex marriage DOMA decision, saying she did not think SCOTUS should create a constitutional right to gay marriage, like the High Court did with abortion in Roe v Wade in 1973; far too activist she says.

A little-known secret to those outside the legal industry is that Justices do not always pan-out according to the hopes and wishes of the President that appoints them.  President Regan's appointment of Justice Anthony Kennedy, the centrist on the current SCOTUS, is the most notable example of recent decades.

Not so with Justice Ginsburg.  President Clinton knew her liberal roots were sunk deep and she has not disappointed.  Justice Kennedy's "swing-vote" centrism, and Justice Ginsburg's senior liberalism is what gives the current Court it's 5-4 flavor on the seminal cases it has been deciding over the past few years.

Every fall, as the High Court begins its work of listening to the oral arguments of the selected cases, and drafting the decisions opinions, there is perennial commentary about the degree of activism of the Court. According to Justice Ginsburg, the Roberts' Court is among the most activist she has seen during her tenure on the bench.

Liberals fear that unless Justice Ginsburg steps-down soon, a Republican President may likely have the opportunity of appointing a conservative justice mid-decade.  These are the ways politics affect our delicate social fabric on the major legal issues of our time.

www.clarkstonlegal.com
info@clarkstonlegal.com

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Posted in: DOMA,Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg,Roe v Wade,SCOTUS,Voters Rights Act

NOT a Good Reason to Deny Love #9

“They’re abusive.” Interracial, (adult) intergenerational, same-gender, polyamorous, and consanguinamorous relationships are not inherently abusive. It is the abusive relationships in general that are more likely to make news, or come to the attention of therapists or law enforcement. There are many people in "forbidden" relationships that are lasting, happy, healthy relationships.

Abusive people are the cause of abuse, not a relationship or marriage. There are many same-age, same-race, heterosexual, monogamous, nonconsanguineous relationships and marriages in which someone is abused. We have several examples showing that outlawing consensual behavior correlates to an increase in problems as people try to avoid law enforcement and other authorities. Marriage equality will most certainly reduce abuse, as abuse victims can go to the authorities with much less fear. So the solution isn’t the status quo, it is in bringing the relationships out of the shadows, allowing them to be protected and made official, and prosecuting abusers. Abuse victims will be much more forthcoming.

There is no good reason to deny an adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race or religion, the right to share love, sex, residence, and marriage with any and all consenting adults without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.

Feel free to share, copy and paste, and otherwise distribute. This has been adapted from this page at Full Marriage Equality: /

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny Love #8 

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Polyamorous) Love #10

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Posted in: marriage equality,myths,prejudice,stigma

NOT a Good Reason to Deny Love #9

“They’re abusive.” Interracial, (adult) intergenerational, same-gender, polyamorous, and consanguinamorous relationships are not inherently abusive. It is the abusive relationships in general that are more likely to make news, or come to the attention of therapists or law enforcement. There are many people in "forbidden" relationships that are lasting, happy, healthy relationships.

Abusive people are the cause of abuse, not a relationship or marriage. There are many same-age, same-race, heterosexual, monogamous, nonconsanguineous relationships and marriages in which someone is abused. We have several examples showing that outlawing consensual behavior correlates to an increase in problems as people try to avoid law enforcement and other authorities. Marriage equality will most certainly reduce abuse, as abuse victims can go to the authorities with much less fear. So the solution isn’t the status quo, it is in bringing the relationships out of the shadows, allowing them to be protected and made official, and prosecuting abusers. Abuse victims will be much more forthcoming.

There is no good reason to deny an adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race or religion, the right to share love, sex, residence, and marriage with any and all consenting adults without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.

Feel free to share, copy and paste, and otherwise distribute. This has been adapted from this page at Full Marriage Equality: /p/discredited-invalid-arguments.html

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny Love #8 

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Polyamorous) Love #10

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Posted in: marriage equality,myths,prejudice,stigma

Ignorance Hurts When it Comes to Consanguineous Impregnation

Sometimes, heterosexual consanguineous sex results in pregnancy. (I'm bumping up this entry from June 2011 because it is still relevant.)

Any pregnancy, especially first-time pregnancy, even if planned, can be a time of anxiety. But when someone suspects or knows that the their pregnancy is the result of sex with a close relative, the frequently repeated ignorance of the inevitability of the baby being deformed cause them extra concern. This is an addition to the concerns about prejudice against such families and unjust prosecution by law enforcement.

As an example, here’s a situation from someone posting at defunct Genetic Sexual Attraction forum…

I just found out that I am pregnant with my Half Brothers baby. We have the same Mother. So far we are not aware of any major health issues in the family. We are in a loving relationship with lots of support and very happy. This pregnancy was not at all planned and we are happy but very concerned. I am not looking for accusation or for people to tell me to abort. At this point I just need help on what kind of testing I need to get done to make sure everything is ok. should he and i get tested individually or just wait for the regular testing of the baby itself? any kind of information support advice help would be amazing.
thank you so much

ps. i am about 7 weeks along. I have a first ultra sound monday and the first dr appt tuesday. I live in the US would it be safe to tell the dr the situation to be sure that all the correct testing and precautions are taken?

There are several things to note. First of all, they are half-siblings. Considering that plenty of healthy children have been born to full siblings, that should lessen concerns. Secondly, they are not aware of any major health issues in the family. So things are looking good.

Looks like this child will be welcomed by a loving couple.

Brandi (a neonatal nurse)…

Firstly, congratulations! I hope you are feeling healthy. The ultrasound should be able to give you a general idea whether there are any deformities although it is still early, so hopefully as you progress you can get another ultrasound. It may also be possible to get an amniocentesis but I do not believe those are done until after the thirteenth week or so. The amnio would tell you whether there are any chromosomal abnormalities, and the sex of the baby, if you want to know that.

Later, she added…

I do not believe a doctor would report you if you told him about you and your brother. It may be the motivation he/she needs to be willing to do further testing. You can ask something like... "Off the record, if I were to tell you consanguinity is involved, would there be any repercussions..." I have never heard of anyone getting in trouble for that really.

Red.String.of.Fate…

I only know of one GSA couple, who had a baby.
They both got tested, to see if they have any genetic predispositions to abnormalities.
If they both would have shared the same genetic predisposition, there would have been a high chance of they're baby getting it, but still a chance it didn't. And after that they would have tested the baby.
But none of them had any, and the baby was born healthy.

I would seek legal counsel in cases like this to protect the family, seek progressive doctors, and always give them plausible deniability; if need be, move. See my advice here.

Pregnancy should be a happy time during which the mother is not given undue emotional concern. That happiness should not be denied to consanguinamorous parents.

Read more »

Posted in: allies,brother-sister,consanguineous,GSA,lack of equality harms,love,pregnancy

Ignorance Hurts When it Comes to Consanguineous Impregnation

Sometimes, heterosexual consanguineous sex results in pregnancy. (I'm bumping up this entry from June 2011 because it is still relevant.)

Any pregnancy, especially first-time pregnancy, even if planned, can be a time of anxiety. But when someone suspects or knows that the their pregnancy is the result of sex with a close relative, the frequently repeated ignorance of the inevitability of the baby being deformed cause them extra concern. This is an addition to the concerns about prejudice against such families and unjust prosecution by law enforcement.

As an example, here’s a situation from someone posting at defunct Genetic Sexual Attraction forum…

I just found out that I am pregnant with my Half Brothers baby. We have the same Mother. So far we are not aware of any major health issues in the family. We are in a loving relationship with lots of support and very happy. This pregnancy was not at all planned and we are happy but very concerned. I am not looking for accusation or for people to tell me to abort. At this point I just need help on what kind of testing I need to get done to make sure everything is ok. should he and i get tested individually or just wait for the regular testing of the baby itself? any kind of information support advice help would be amazing.
thank you so much

ps. i am about 7 weeks along. I have a first ultra sound monday and the first dr appt tuesday. I live in the US would it be safe to tell the dr the situation to be sure that all the correct testing and precautions are taken?

There are several things to note. First of all, they are half-siblings. Considering that plenty of healthy children have been born to full siblings, that should lessen concerns. Secondly, they are not aware of any major health issues in the family. So things are looking good.

Looks like this child will be welcomed by a loving couple.

Brandi (a neonatal nurse)…

Firstly, congratulations! I hope you are feeling healthy. The ultrasound should be able to give you a general idea whether there are any deformities although it is still early, so hopefully as you progress you can get another ultrasound. It may also be possible to get an amniocentesis but I do not believe those are done until after the thirteenth week or so. The amnio would tell you whether there are any chromosomal abnormalities, and the sex of the baby, if you want to know that.

Later, she added…

I do not believe a doctor would report you if you told him about you and your brother. It may be the motivation he/she needs to be willing to do further testing. You can ask something like... "Off the record, if I were to tell you consanguinity is involved, would there be any repercussions..." I have never heard of anyone getting in trouble for that really.

Red.String.of.Fate…

I only know of one GSA couple, who had a baby.
They both got tested, to see if they have any genetic predispositions to abnormalities.
If they both would have shared the same genetic predisposition, there would have been a high chance of they're baby getting it, but still a chance it didn't. And after that they would have tested the baby.
But none of them had any, and the baby was born healthy.

I would seek legal counsel in cases like this to protect the family, seek progressive doctors, and always give them plausible deniability; if need be, move. See my advice here.

Pregnancy should be a happy time during which the mother is not given undue emotional concern. That happiness should not be denied to consanguinamorous parents.

Read more »

Posted in: allies,brother-sister,consanguineous,GSA,lack of equality harms,love,pregnancy

Epic Divorce Battle: 17-Years and Counting

Law Professors should know better.  In what has to be one of the longest-running open cases in U.S. history, the divorce proceedings between two law professors continues to rage in Hamilton County, Ohio.

The two now-adult children produced from this ill-fated union have never known anything other than their parents locked in an epic divorce battle during which each parent has alternately won, then lost custody.  How utterly embarrassing.

The judge currently presiding over the matter recently chastised both parties for their non-exemplary behavior in the latest hearing conducted in the matter last month.  Over the years, several of the family court judge's rulings have been appealed by both parties; this, no doubt, has gobbled-up some of the years this matter has been pending and active in the courts.

Michigan Connection:  Law Professor Sharlene Boltz, one-half of this divorce disaster, is a graduate of the University of Michigan Law School.  We here at the Law Blogger wonder whether she ever took a family law course.

Here in Michigan, county family court judges are under a directive of the Michigan Supreme Court to complete all divorce proceeding within one year.  While this is a good rule-of-thumb, it is difficult to accomplish in some cases.

One of the ways we attempt to reduce protracted delays in the divorce matters we handle at our law firm is utilization of the collaborative divorce approach.  In a collaborative divorce, the spouses communicate directly about the ultimate settlement in the case prior to actually filing the initial pleadings.

Once a divorce is filed, the spouses and their minor children are subjected to the public jurisdiction and the timetable of the local family court.

The negotiations in a collaborative divorce proceeding, on the other hand, are conducted privately, often with the assistance of at least one lawyer and, if necessary, a counselor or therapist.  A team approach is used with an emphasis on cooperation and without concern for court-imposed deadlines.

Unfortunately, this divorce model does not suit every family.  For the collaborative divorce model to work, both spouses must commit to on-going communication and mutually reasonable objectives; if one of the spouses insists on the adversarial process, the collaborative model will not be possible.

If you are contemplating divorce and believe you have a rational cooperative spouse, perhaps you should give the collaborative divorce model a try.  To learn more, contact our law firm for a free consultation.

www.clarkstonlegal.com
info@clarkstonlegal.com

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Posted in: child custody,collaborative divorce,divorce,Law Professor Sharlene Boltz

Dear Prudence is an Ally For Cousins

Thanks to a good Friend of FME, I was alerted to a recent Dear Prudence edition about cousins. We've taken a look at Emily Yoffe's work at slate.com before, but here we are again.

This is from the question...

Over 20 years ago I had an affair with a married woman who became pregnant with my child. She reconciled with her husband and they raised the boy as their own.

By the way, in many places a child born to a married couple is legally the child of both, regardless of how that child was conceived.

I have not had any contact with my biological son, at the husband's request. No one in my family knows I have a secret son. Two weeks ago I found out my niece (my sister's daughter) is engaged, and the groom to be is none other than my biological son! 

That makes them biological first cousins. This is not a problem.

Prudie, I am livid that my son's mother and her husband did not stop this relationship in its early stages.

There's no good reason they should stop it all.

"No, Bobby, you can't date that girl because she's you're biological cousin" is all it would have taken.

But that isn't true. The "can't date" part isn't true. First cousins date and marry all of the time. The"biological cousin" part is true, of course, but does the son even know of his genetic origin? If not, as indicated later in the letter, they may not want to tell him.

I contacted the woman and she swore she didn't know our son was marrying my niece since my niece has a different last name. I asked her what she planned to do to stop the wedding and she said she's doing nothing!

Good for her! We need more people like her.

Prudie, how do I bring this up with my niece and her parents? 

He can't, at least not without causing serious disruption to many lives. He shouldn't anyway. Why attempt to trample on someone else's happiness?

Here's the answer provided...

This is an opportunity to repeat my frequent reassurance to fathers: Dads, a statistically significant percentage of you actually have sired the children you think are yours.

That's true. However, up to 20% aren't. So while at least 80% are, that that is statistically significant, up to 1 in 5 aren't. That's just one of many reasons there is more consanguinamory going on that the average person realizes.

You think you have a simple, easy way for the mother of the groom to stop the romance by saying, "Bobby, your father is not your father, and your fiancée is your cousin!" But if you think this through, explaining all this will entirely upend his family, and now yours, and at this late date in the wedding planning you can understand that the parents want to stick with their original plan to keep quiet about Bobby's biology.

Like I said.

Cousin marriage is common in much of the world and I think the remaining laws against it in this country should be repealed. Yes, there is an elevated risk of passing on genetic disorders, but it absolute terms it is very small. Two young people are in love and planning to make a life together. I think you should let that be.

Thank you, Dear Prudence!!! That other couple raised the boy to adulthood and apparently have provided him with a good home, and disrupting their family harmony now would do much more harm than good.

As for anyone who says the groom to be has to be told of his genetic origin for his own health, that really isn't true given modern technologies. Anyone concerned should take medical tests that will tell them of their potential health risks.

Read more »

Posted in: allies,cheating,children,consanguineous,cousins,family reaction,GSA,media,prejudice,reunion,stigma

Dear Prudence is an Ally For Cousins

Thanks to a good Friend of FME, I was alerted to a recent Dear Prudence edition about cousins. We've taken a look at Emily Yoffe's work at slate.com before, but here we are again.

This is from the question...

Over 20 years ago I had an affair with a married woman who became pregnant with my child. She reconciled with her husband and they raised the boy as their own.

By the way, in many places a child born to a married couple is legally the child of both, regardless of how that child was conceived.

I have not had any contact with my biological son, at the husband's request. No one in my family knows I have a secret son. Two weeks ago I found out my niece (my sister's daughter) is engaged, and the groom to be is none other than my biological son! 

That makes them biological first cousins. This is not a problem.

Prudie, I am livid that my son's mother and her husband did not stop this relationship in its early stages.

There's no good reason they should stop it all.

"No, Bobby, you can't date that girl because she's you're biological cousin" is all it would have taken.

But that isn't true. The "can't date" part isn't true. First cousins date and marry all of the time. The"biological cousin" part is true, of course, but does the son even know of his genetic origin? If not, as indicated later in the letter, they may not want to tell him.

I contacted the woman and she swore she didn't know our son was marrying my niece since my niece has a different last name. I asked her what she planned to do to stop the wedding and she said she's doing nothing!

Good for her! We need more people like her.

Prudie, how do I bring this up with my niece and her parents? 

He can't, at least not without causing serious disruption to many lives. He shouldn't anyway. Why attempt to trample on someone else's happiness?

Here's the answer provided...

This is an opportunity to repeat my frequent reassurance to fathers: Dads, a statistically significant percentage of you actually have sired the children you think are yours.

That's true. However, up to 20% aren't. So while at least 80% are, that that is statistically significant, up to 1 in 5 aren't. That's just one of many reasons there is more consanguinamory going on that the average person realizes.

You think you have a simple, easy way for the mother of the groom to stop the romance by saying, "Bobby, your father is not your father, and your fiancée is your cousin!" But if you think this through, explaining all this will entirely upend his family, and now yours, and at this late date in the wedding planning you can understand that the parents want to stick with their original plan to keep quiet about Bobby's biology.

Like I said.

Cousin marriage is common in much of the world and I think the remaining laws against it in this country should be repealed. Yes, there is an elevated risk of passing on genetic disorders, but it absolute terms it is very small. Two young people are in love and planning to make a life together. I think you should let that be.

Thank you, Dear Prudence!!! That other couple raised the boy to adulthood and apparently have provided him with a good home, and disrupting their family harmony now would do much more harm than good.

As for anyone who says the groom to be has to be told of his genetic origin for his own health, that really isn't true given modern technologies. Anyone concerned should take medical tests that will tell them of their potential health risks.

Read more »

Posted in: allies,cheating,children,consanguineous,cousins,family reaction,GSA,media,prejudice,reunion,stigma

Canadian Polyamorists Sought For Survey

From the email inbox...

A research project is underway at the University of Quebec in Montreal.

This study aims to better understand the diversity of contemporary intimate relationships in Canada and a part of the questionnaire focuses on polyamorous relationships.

Contribute to the recognition of diversity in responding to our online survey. It's simple, fast and anonymous!

Participate here : www.epris-smitten.ca

This study has been approved by the research ethical board of the University of Quebec in Montreal and respects the ethical rules of research.

There you go. If you're Canadian, and you are polyamorous, please participate. I am confident that the more research that is done, the sooner things will get better for polyamorists. People need to see that polyamory is here, it always has been, and it always will be, and that there's nothing wrong with polyamory.

Read more »

Posted in: academia,Canada,polyamory

Canadian Polyamorists Sought For Survey

From the email inbox...

A research project is underway at the University of Quebec in Montreal.

This study aims to better understand the diversity of contemporary intimate relationships in Canada and a part of the questionnaire focuses on polyamorous relationships.

Contribute to the recognition of diversity in responding to our online survey. It's simple, fast and anonymous!

Participate here : www.epris-smitten.ca

This study has been approved by the research ethical board of the University of Quebec in Montreal and respects the ethical rules of research.

There you go. If you're Canadian, and you are polyamorous, please participate. I am confident that the more research that is done, the sooner things will get better for polyamorists. People need to see that polyamory is here, it always has been, and it always will be, and that there's nothing wrong with polyamory.

Read more »

Posted in: academia,Canada,polyamory

Showtime's Polyamory Returns

Showtime's series Polyamory: Married and Dating is back for season 2, and Rich Juzwiak at gawker.com is happy to see it.

The collective capacity of Polyamory's core four to explore the depths of their polyamorous configuration, while remaining committed to each other, is as infinite as a Real Housewife’s ability to find haters, circumstances to be offended by, and meals to spoil. But on Polyamory, the results are largely of joy and self-discovery, not turmoil and drama. Sure, jealousy tiptoes into the bedroom, boundaries are trampled, and certain sexual encounters turn out to be awkward stumbles. But for the most part, these people are having a great time. And why shouldn’t they? They get home from work and there’s a party waiting for them.

The poly life is not all fun and games, although there certainly can be lots of fun and games

There’s something wonderfully relaxed and unperturbable about these people, especially the pod. They giggle along with the rest of us, allowing America into their bedrooms and hearts with the glee of exhibitionists and the fearlessness of pioneers. I was struck last season by how perfect their stories were for reality TV, and that perception is is only reinforced this time around. I think it's because pulling off this kind of relationship successfully requires emotional transparency and articulation.

Sounds like this series is helping.

What about you, dear reader? Are you watching? Do you... like to watch?

Seriously... what do you think about the series? Is it helping move the public to supporting relationship rights and full marriage equality sooner rather than later?

Read more »

Posted in: allies,media,polyamory

Showtime's Polyamory Returns

Showtime's series Polyamory: Married and Dating is back for season 2, and Rich Juzwiak at gawker.com is happy to see it.

The collective capacity of Polyamory's core four to explore the depths of their polyamorous configuration, while remaining committed to each other, is as infinite as a Real Housewife’s ability to find haters, circumstances to be offended by, and meals to spoil. But on Polyamory, the results are largely of joy and self-discovery, not turmoil and drama. Sure, jealousy tiptoes into the bedroom, boundaries are trampled, and certain sexual encounters turn out to be awkward stumbles. But for the most part, these people are having a great time. And why shouldn’t they? They get home from work and there’s a party waiting for them.

The poly life is not all fun and games, although there certainly can be lots of fun and games

There’s something wonderfully relaxed and unperturbable about these people, especially the pod. They giggle along with the rest of us, allowing America into their bedrooms and hearts with the glee of exhibitionists and the fearlessness of pioneers. I was struck last season by how perfect their stories were for reality TV, and that perception is is only reinforced this time around. I think it's because pulling off this kind of relationship successfully requires emotional transparency and articulation.

Sounds like this series is helping.

What about you, dear reader? Are you watching? Do you... like to watch?

Seriously... what do you think about the series? Is it helping move the public to supporting relationship rights and full marriage equality sooner rather than later?

Read more »

Posted in: allies,media,polyamory

Update on North Carolina Pair

A while back I blogged about a father and daughter wanted by authorities in North Carolina on some vague allegations involving incest.

The update from wwaytv3.com is that Robert and Natalie have been arrested. No clarifying information was provided about the case in general.

I hope no children were abused. I also hope adults are not facing criminal charges for consensual sex with each other.

US Marshalls arrested a Pender County father and his daughter this morning in Hampstead on incest charges, according to the Pender County Sheriff's Office.

Robert Lee Earley Jr. is charged with incest, statutory rape and child abuse. He's in jail on a $650,000 bond.

Natalie Sheree Earley is also charged with incest. She was released on a $10,000 bond.

Stay tuned. Maybe we'll get the truth.

Read more »

Posted in: consanguineous,incest,law,North Carolina,prosecution

Update on North Carolina Pair

A while back I blogged about a father and daughter wanted by authorities in North Carolina on some vague allegations involving incest.

The update from wwaytv3.com is that Robert and Natalie have been arrested. No clarifying information was provided about the case in general.

I hope no children were abused. I also hope adults are not facing criminal charges for consensual sex with each other.

US Marshalls arrested a Pender County father and his daughter this morning in Hampstead on incest charges, according to the Pender County Sheriff's Office.

Robert Lee Earley Jr. is charged with incest, statutory rape and child abuse. He's in jail on a $650,000 bond.

Natalie Sheree Earley is also charged with incest. She was released on a $10,000 bond.

Stay tuned. Maybe we'll get the truth.

Read more »

Posted in: consanguineous,incest,law,North Carolina,prosecution

From the Past

Look back 125 years to see what someone wrote in the New England Journal of Medicine on consanguineous marriages. You can at least read part of it for free.

Read more »

Posted in: consanguineous,science

They Served in the Military But Aren't Even Free to Marry

By my count, this is the twenty-first ongoing relationship I've covered through exclusive interviews in which the lovers are denied the freedom to be open about their love and denied their freedom to marry.

“Edward” and “Elizabeth” are genetic father and daughter, reunited after Elizabeth became an adult. I contacted Elizabeth after she linked to this blog. Since this is a Genetic Sexual Attraction situation that has led to a consanguinamorous relationship, Elizabeth and Edward value their privacy. Thankfully, they opened up to me and were generous enough with their time and privacy to be interviewed.

Read the interview below and ask yourself if there is one good reason their rights to love each other the way they want should be denied.


*****


FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe your background.

Elizabeth: I was born and raised on the west coast, and I moved in between living with my mother and my grandparents many times as a child. In the end I wound up with my mother, stepfather and half-sister...it was not an unhappy time, but my mother and stepfather had a very turbulent relationship and were very hard on me. After I graduated high school I was happy to go into the military and get out of the stressful situation, and got married at 19. I discharged from the military and moved to the Midwest with my husband to be closer to his family, and worked as a CNA/MA until recently. I was in the middle of getting this divorce when I moved in with Edward, which was the best decision I’ve ever made.

I’m 22 this year and I have planned to attend art school. As for my hobbies I like to read and play World of Warcraft, as well as browse the internet (if you can consider that a hobby). I have to say, I’ve never been happier in a relationship than I’ve been with Edward. He’s the best man for me.

Edward: I was born in the southwest where I lived most of my life. I joined the service at 19, married and moved to the east coast. Left the service at 21 and moved back west where I attended college and worked odd jobs. Moved to the mid-west at 23 where I worked more odd jobs. At 25 I moved to the Great Lakes area where I learned drafting and design. I moved back to the mid-west at 27 then back to the Great Lakes area by 30 and another move back to mid-west in 2003. I’ve been in this region since then. I am a 43 year old structural designer for the petroleum industry. I had given up on ever finding a meaningful relationship with any woman any age at this point in my life. I had consigned myself to the reality that I might very well be better off being alone for the rest of my days.




FME: How would you describe your sexual orientation... are you heterosexual, bisexual, what?

Elizabeth: I’ve always identified as bisexual, and I’ve been in relationships in the past with both men and women.

Edward: I’ve always identified as a heterosexual unless I didn’t have time to date. In this case, I operated under the ‘Code of Silence’. Meaning...I would behave in an ambiguous fashion, leaving many questions unanswered among coworkers and friends alike.


FME: You're a genetic father/daughter pair, does that include sex?

Elizabeth/Edward: Yes, and a lot of it.


FME: How was your relationship with each other growing up?

Elizabeth: On my end I heard practically nothing from him or from his side of the family. I discovered later that a lot of letters and things like that were intercepted by my grandmother and destroyed, for unknown reasons. I’d heard a great deal of things about him from both my grandmother and my mother, none of which was very good. I had no idea that he was artistic or interested in music, and they never seemed to mention how much he doted on me or loved me. I see a very different picture now, painted not just by him but by his side of the family. They all loved me, and I never got to see it.

Anyway, I talked to him once on the phone in junior high and a few more times near the end of high school. That experience was somewhat embittering, since communication ceased for reasons unknown to me...its easy to internalize things like that when you don’t know what’s going on. Our relationship is excellent now, even if it feels surreal sometimes.

Edward: From the time Elizabeth was born until the age of 2 when I left her and her mother, she always clung to me and I was very overprotective. There was no abuse or neglect of any kind whatsoever during that period in her life. Her mother and I simply parted ways. I spoke with Elizabeth briefly as a preteen and the conversation was quite awkward, as neither one of us had ever spoken to each other ever. The second time we communicated with each other was in early 2009 when she was 17. 2009 was a very difficult time in my life, as I was currently going through a very messy divorce. There was a break in communication with my daughter that resulted in some hard feelings all around. Those hard feelings have all been replaced with feelings of joy at our reunion. I can’t begin to describe how it feels to have her in my life. I only wish that everyone could feel this in love.


FME: How did you connect/reconnect?

Elizabeth: I initiated contact with him through Facebook earlier this year, and it grew from email, to texting, to talking on the phone.

I’d seen pictures of him on his profile, and he was very good-looking to me; it brought feelings to my attention that disturbed me a little, and made me have to do some self-exploration on the subject. I knew nothing about GSA at this point, and so these feelings were totally alien to me and it was all very weird...so weird that I shoved it under the rug, I’d never spoken with him even and what if he was an idiot or something?

When we started talking on the phone, those feelings got stronger...he was smart, he was funny, good-looking, and I couldn’t help but revisit those emotions I had experienced before. I flirted with him, trying to get him to give up some information willingly so that maybe I could ask him about being in a relationship with me.

He was very stubborn and wouldn’t give up anything until I asked him straight-up if he would consider being in a sexual relationship with me.

Edward: My first thought was that this was some kind of diabolical scheme to mark me as some sort of deviant. My second thought was a question. I asked myself...’Self, if I say no, what will it do to her self-esteem? If I say yes, I’m a pervert. Or worse...is this phone call being recorded?’ She reassured me that it was legitimate. So my answer was yes. That was the beginning of the last true and loving relationship with a woman I will ever have again.


FME: How did things progress from there?

Elizabeth: After we established that we wanted a relationship together over the phone, we arranged a meeting together. We acknowledged that sex was a great possibility but not a requirement, a fact that is very important to us even now...we aren’t together because of sex. That notwithstanding, we did have sex the first night we spent together. And it was awesome.


FME: Describe your relationship now. How long have you been together? What are your living arrangements? Do you see each other as father/daughter or lovers, or are those two roles inseparable at this point?

Elizabeth: We’ve been together for about 4 months now, and we live in a loft-style apartment near his side of the family. I see him as a mash-up of a few different people- my husband, boyfriend, lover, father, and my best friend. More than anything I see him as my life partner.

Edward: As you stated in the question, all these roles are inseparable. We both see each other as all of these things and more. We will always be together, no matter what people want to call it.


FME: How do you describe your lovemaking now? Taboo? Natural? Especially erotic? Some people say eroticism between genetic relatives is inherently kinky, but I have found that for many it doesn't feel kinky. Rather it feels natural, although very intense. What about for you?

Elizabeth: In the past I’ve been involved in the BDSM community and have partaken in all kinds of deviant sexual activities....one of which is daddy/daughter fantasy.

Surprisingly this DOES NOT feel at all like a fantasy fulfilled. This does not have the feel of a deviant relationship at all, and we don’t have a BDSM element in the bedroom. I don’t really feel like we need it to be happy. This relationship as a whole has redefined my wants and needs entirely. As you stated....it feels natural, though very intense.

Edward: When I’m with Elizabeth, I feel free to do whatever I like. It does not matter whether its in the bedroom or on Main Street. Public displays of affection are always a problem because we love to express our feelings for one another by touching in some way. This means that holding hands, hugging, kissing, snuggling, cuddling, sitting unusually close, etc., have to be closely monitored when in the presence of family or friends. We very much believe that now is not the time to make this public.


FME: Do you have these kinds of feelings for, or involvements with other family member or relatives? Any experience in the past with sex or experimentation with a family member?

Elizabeth: I’ve never experienced romantic feelings for any other member of my family, or experimented.

Edward: My cousin and I played doctor a few times when I was 7.


FME: Does anyone know the full, true nature/history of your relationship? Are you able to act like a couple in a public place anywhere, such as a place you visit? Does anyone know you as a couple but not as father/daughter?

Elizabeth: As far as this question is concerned, you’re really the only person we’ve talked to about this. In supermarkets, the mall, certain places where no one knows us, we can act like a couple. Its very refreshing to be able to let loose without worrying if someone will see you and flip out. I imagine if any of my other family found out we’d be immediately ostracized.

We have introduced ourselves as a couple before to people who don’t know us.

Edward: My parents have questioned the nature of our living arrangements. Thus far, my response has been less than informative. ‘My daughter Is living with me for as long as she likes. Can plan for whatever future she decides. She can take as much time as she likes laying those plans and I will support her until the day I die.’


FME: Is there anything you've had to do to hide the full nature of your relationship? Having to hide can be a lot of trouble. Are there other disadvantages to being in a relationship like this? Conversely, do you think consanguineous relationships have some advantages and some things better than unrelated lovers?

Elizabeth: We have to be very, very discreet about how we act around family and friends. We live close enough to our family that they can be on our doorstep at any time so we have to present a certain appearance in our apartment (such as...no condoms, toys, underwear, etc. just lying around). The fact that we can’t act as freely around each other as we want is definitely stressful. I’d say the only disadvantage this type of a relationship has are the legal ramifications.

Advantages....we have a huge amount of trust in one another. I can trust him in ways that I can’t trust anyone else, as he has more to lose by leaving than some Joe Blow on the street.

Edward: We do have to be mindful at all times where we are, and what we are doing. I find myself limiting the time we spend with family and familiars so that we CAN behave naturally. We are always aware of the legality of what we do, the public reaction, the consequences in all their forms.


FME: What do you want to say to people who disapprove of your relationship, or disapprove of anyone having this kind of relationship? What's your reply to those who would say that this is one of you preying on the other (and that you can’t really consent)?

Elizabeth: I’d like to say that simply because someone wouldn’t do what we’re doing does not make it wrong. Plenty of people disapprove of how much sugar is in soda, or how tight someone’s pants are...but you don’t see soda or skinny jeans being illegal. Everyone has opinions, and you’re allowed to have them. My opinion is that my relationship is awesome and amazing and you can’t stop me.

Preying...if this is preying, every relationship is some person preying on the other. I’m a consenting adult, and if I can consent to having sex with any other 43 year old in the world why can’t I consent to this?

Edward: Elizabeth and I are in a consenting sexual relationship and there is no desire for procreation from either of us. There is no logical explanation why a federal or state law should prevent us from what under the surface appears to be our pursuit of happiness; our rights as citizens of this country. I would say to people that disapprove, maybe I find marrying a stranger repulsive. Maybe in a creationist-driven mind, a man is ordained by God to prey on a woman. In my world, men and women are equal.


FME: Aside from the law, can you think of anything that would make relationships like this inherently wrong?

Elizabeth/Edward: No.


FME: I know the relationship as it is still fairly new, but if you could get legally married, and that included protections against discrimination, harassment, etc., would you if things were still going well between you two after a year or two?

Elizabeth: Absolutely! There’s no man on earth I’d love to spend my life with more than my Dad.

Edward: I would wholeheartedly without hesitation.


FME: What advice do you have for someone who may be experiencing feelings for a genetic relative, especially a daughter or father? What advice do you have for family members and friends who think or know that genetic relatives they know are having these feelings for each other?

Elizabeth: For the daughter and the father, or any other pairings, I’d say educate yourself. Do some soul-searching. Put the same amount of thought into it as you would going into a regular relationship, and maybe even a little more....if you lose one another, you’re losing twice. So you need to figure out if its what you really want.

And ask yourself if you would be willing to lose your whole family’s support if they found out, because that is one of the hardest things to accept.

For friends or relatives of people who are experiencing GSA, keep an open mind. For their sake you need to put aside all of your prejudice and everything society has impressed upon you, and really think about what’s better:

Tearing them apart for the sake of the law or differing opinion, or supporting the ones you love to try and make them happy?

Edward: Before going public, consider your legal exposure. Now think of anyone on earth that might want to do you wrong. The consequences, if caught for this kind of crime, are very strict. And no one will plead your case. Be wise in the decisions you make and be aware that the whole world is against you. That’s the reality.


FME: Any plans for the future?

Elizabeth: As I said before, I want to go to school. Eventually I’d like to get work as a designer of some kind.

I want to eventually get married to him, if marriage is legalized for us in the future.

And I want us to live in a place that we can live freely and without worry.

Edward: We plan to move to a place where no one knows that we’re related. I plan to support my daughter through school or work, or whatever she decides to do in the future. I am here for her. My plans are to take care of her for as long as I can and keep her happy if it kills me. Her happiness is my happiness.


FME: Anything else you want to add?

Elizabeth: Thank you for interviewing us, this was a wonderful opportunity to show people that our relationship is something beautiful.

Edward: Thanks, Keith.


*****


There you have it. Two consenting adults who plan to continue to live as though married, and who will legally marry once they are no longer denied their freedom to marry. They both served the US in the military, but don't even have their fundamental right to marry in the country that is supposedly land of the free.

Why should they be denied their rights? There’s no good reason.We need to adopt full marriage equality sooner rather than later, so that an adult is free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage any and all consenting adults. People are being hurt because of a denial of their basic human rights to love each other freely.

You can read other interviews I have done here.

If you are in a relationship like this and are looking for help or others you can talk with, read this.

If you are a family member or friend of someone who is in or may be in such a relationship, please read this.

Thank you to Edward and Elizabeth for sharing their situation with us!

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Posted in: consanguineous,father-daughter,GSA,lack of equality harms,love